Are We Done Yet? Page #4

Synopsis: Newlyweds Nick and Suzanne decide to move to the suburbs to provide a better life for their two kids. But their idea of a dream home is disturbed by a contractor with a bizarre approach to business.
Director(s): Steve Carr
Production: Sony Pictures
  3 nominations.
 
IMDB:
4.1
Metacritic:
36
Rotten Tomatoes:
8%
PG
Year:
2007
92 min
$49,968,665
Website
250 Views


Are those sandwiches?

Oh, yeah, sturgeon salad.

Would you Iike one?

-I hate to impose.

-Oh, no, Chuck, anything for you.

Hey, hey, hey, man. What's with

all the racket? I'm trying to work.

We had to saw off the breaker box.

I'd Iike some mustard on there.

I'm a big mustard guy.

But you should be good now.

We'II have you up and running in a jiff.

That's Magic Johnson. That's my guy.

That's my main man.

Did I tell you

I was on the '86 Lakers?

-No.

-Yes, indeedy, sweetie.

I had 38 seconds of playing time.

It was game two of the final

and "Big Game" James...

...went down with a bad wheel,

so we're up by 20 and they put me in.

Check it out, Nicker.

Get ahold of the purple and gold.

That's commitment, right?

When you do talk to the Magic Man,

tell him Chuck-dog said:

"Holler. That's what's up."

-"Holler."

-Thank you so much.

Anyway, the good news is we're

getting the power up and running.

The bad news is you got dry rot.

Dry what?

Can I tell you something?

This is the most incredible sandwich.

You know your way

around a sturgeon.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Back to the dry rot.

How big is this?

Well, it could be considerable,

but y'all don't worry about a thing.

I know the best dry-rot guys

in Newburg County.

How's the guy situation out there?

Nothing at all.

No cuties, no nothing.

Girl, I feel sorry for you.

-I didn't wanna move here.

-I don't blame you.

Push. Push.

You should try

and get back here somehow.

At least there are boys here.

Are you still there? Linds? Hello?

Hello? Are you there?

Yeah. I gotta go.

Yup. You got the rot, brah.

-How you know?

-Nick.

-What?

-He's not aware.

Nick, the Pulu family has been in the

dry-rot business for three generations.

Hawaiians know the dry rot

better than the rest of us...

...because the island is so darn wet.

Well, then why do they call it dry rot?

That's a misnomer. Listen carefully.

Billy and George here,

they're highly skilled craftsmen...

...very much in demand,

but Danny, gosh, he's got a gift.

He's an artist, and if he says you've

got the rot, you've got the rot, brah.

Okay, say I got "the rot," brah.

I mean, can't we Iive with it?

Can you Iive with a wood-rotting

fungi that colonizes and spreads...

...to every timber in your home,

Ieading to a mold...

...which can produce

airborne pathogens...

...that might infect every member

of your family...

...causing conjunctivitis,

hypersensitivity pneumonitis...

...and I'm not gonna Iie to you here...

...allergic bronchopulmonary

aspergillosis.

Oh, yeah. No problem.

No.

I think they should fix it now.

You know, that is, because we don't

want it to spread and kill us all, right?

Don't you got clothes

to go put on or something?

-Ma.

-Go.

Right here, right here.

AII right, how much

is it gonna cost me?

-Tough to predict.

-It's Iike that.

Do what you gotta do, all right?

Do what you gotta do.

But you gotta put on these...

...because you're kind of fat and

I don't want you scuffing up my floors.

Don't be a hick, Nick.

These guys are professionals.

Nice bootie.

-Talking about this.

-Give it up.

Yes, ma'am. I understand you guys

need all the questions.

I have them right here

in front of me...

...but I'm in the process of

relocating offices....

Maybe I can fax them

to you Iater on today?

Or tomorrow, the next day,

or the day after that.

-As long as we make our deadline.

-Okay, thanks. Tell Magic I said hey.

-Will do.

-AII right.

-Goodbye.

-Bye-bye.

Peek-a-brah.

What up, man?

Sorry to interrupt, Mr. P.

We just need you to Iook...

...sign off on phase one

of the dry-rot repair.

Oh, okay. No problem.

Nice. Georgie, go Iong!

No, no, no. Georgie,

you don't have to go Iong.

I'II just meet y'all out front.

So how many phases is it?

Just two.

So you guys are halfway through.

Oh, man, that's painless.

What is this?

Phase one.

Phase one?

Hey, Nickeroo.

You.

Where you been, man?

Suzanne was feeling tired,

so I picked up Kev-o...

...and shot some hoop.

What is wrong with you?

Man, you know this boy got asthma.

He can't shoot no hoops.

He cured it, just Iike that.

With something called the go...?

Goji berries.

-Listen.

-Check it out.

Inhale Iove.

Exhale inclusion.

It's a Iittle trick I picked up during a

fast with His Holiness in Dharamsala.

And finish.

Yeah, well, His Holiness

doesn't have to deal with his mother.

You keep your inhaler.

It was no bother.

We had to stop

at Fred's hardware store...

...to pick up a new tankless

water heater. Your old one's shot.

Oh, so now you going out and buying

things without even asking me first.

I don't know what to tell you.

It's a tankless job.

-I did not--

-Yes, he did.

-Good one, Chuck.

-Good one, Chuck.

Oh, what a great kid. Holy moly,

does he have a terrific jump shot.

Honest to goodness,

if he grows another six feet...

...he's gonna be unstoppable.

Hey, Nick. Look what Chuck got me.

-Isn't it awesome?

-Oh, yeah.

-Wait. Give me that.

-Fire! Fire! Fire!

Give me this.

What'd be awesome

is if you was here...

...to keep these Iinebackers

from tearing up my house.

Dry rot is a tricky thing.

You never really know

how much damage there is....

Till you get into it.

It's Iike I always say, it's gonna get

ugly before it gets pretty.

Let me tell you something.

We're gonna get your walls back up...

...and your home

is gonna be stronger for it.

It better be. If not, I'm holding you

personally responsible.

So I want you to be the one

to keep your eye on this whole project.

A very close eye.

Do you understand me?

CIose eyes.

I hear you Ioud and clear...

...Nickeroo.

With the gun. What are you doing?

And put on some booties.

It's Sunday morning, Nick. Isn't it so

nice to have the house to ourselves?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What? What is this?

Hey, hey, hey.

-What's up, Nick?

-What you doing?

You said keep a close eye

on the project.

So you going camping?

That's crazy talk. I'm moving in.

Chuck, what about your wife?

Doesn't she want you home?

I don't even want him home.

I know she don't.

Don't worry about the missus. EIIie's

on tour over in China for three months.

Three months?

Yeah. She's a country singer.

You wouldn't believe the way

the Chinese Iove their country music.

But this ain't gonna take

three months.

You're right. Could take Ionger.

But don't worry about me.

You won't even know I'm here.

What do you say? Let's get

out there before the sun gets too hot.

-Get out where?

-Chuck's taking us fishing.

The sturgeon are running.

It's gonna be fantastic.

-You wanna come?

-Oh, Chuck, that is a great idea.

No, no, I can't go fishing.

That's a bad idea.

-Why?

-I got too much work to do.

I gotta set traps in case

that raccoon comes back.

You know those are

vicious animals, baby.

Oh, come on, Nick.

The water's not that deep.

I don't care about that.

Wait a minute, Nick,

are you afraid of the water?

-Honey.

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Hank Nelken

Hank Nelken is an American screenwriter, best known for the comedy Are We Done Yet?. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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