Are We Done Yet? Page #5

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-No. That's ridiculous.

By "no" he means yes, and by

"ridiculous" he means terrified.

And he did promise

that he'd teach Kevin how to fish.

Okay. AII right. Fine.

I'II go fishing.

Fine.

-Yes!

-Thanks, Chuck.

-Yes!

-Don't mention it.

I hate this. I'm gonna Iet y'all

know right now, I hate this.

-Come on.

-You know what? I--

I think I just swallowed a bug.

Y'all see that?

Stop messing around, Nick.

Come on.

For real, I think we need a bigger boat.

I'm not playing.

No, come on. Just take your rod...

...and cast away.

Don't tell me nothing

about fishing, okay?

I was the king of Go Fish

in my neighborhood.

This shouldn't be hard, just--

I saw a shark down there.

Oh, Nick, nice barrel roll.

Just real nice.

That's it. I'm gone. I'm gone.

-Hey, Nick?

-What?

I'd be careful.

Don't worry about me,

I'm on Iand now. I got this.

Help!

Help. Somebody.

I gotta fire Chuck.

Why, because he made you

go fishing?

No, because he's tearing up

our house.

Well, it's gonna get ugly

before it gets pretty, Nick.

Don't you start quoting him

Iike he's some kind of oracle...

...because he's not. He's an idiot.

He's sweet.

What?

Nothing.

Oh, Nick, I know, I know.

This has been so hard for everybody...

...with this house,

and you're used to being a bachelor...

...and now you've got me and the kids

and the responsibilities of this house.

I know you're under

a Iot of pressure, honey.

Oh, my goodness.

Come here. Feel this.

Touch it, right here.

Do you feel him?

What is that, his butt?

I think so.

Isn't that the coolest thing?

Did you hear that?

-Boy.

-Did you hear that?

-Honey, is that the raccoon?

-No.

Raccoon made a scuffling sound.

That was more Iike a rustle.

I think it's in the chimney.

I guess I showed him.

Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, baby.

That's right. You might

wanna close that flue, though.

Leave me alone, man. Get back.

Looks Iike we better put a cap

on that chimney.

These guys will drive you batty.

Night, neighbor.

I'm sick of you.

Chuck!

What?

-Hey, Chuck.

-Yeah?

What's going on

with my glass door?

Frame rotted. Ripped it out,

ordered a new one.

Triple-pane xenon-filled.

Pricey, yes...

...but it'II probably pay for itself

in 1 5, 20 years max.

What's going on?

I need the water back.

I'm guessing you didn't get

the memo.

I posted it on the fridge Iate

Iast night. "Water off, 8 a.m. sharp."

And I don't want you to spiral into

a worry tizzy about the H2O.

It turns out your water

is pure as driven snow.

It's the pipes that are the problem.

They're completely corroded.

You wanna show him?

I pulled this disgusting piece of pipe

from under your house.

Can you see through that?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

If that was your artery,

you'd be dead by now.

Or one side of your body would be,

Iike, totally paralyzed.

Show him just exactly what

you plan to replace it with.

This is 1 -inch copper piping.

I'm gonna use this for the verticals,

half-inch for the horizontals.

Your water pressure's gonna be

hovering at around 1 50 psi...

...give or take a psi.

Is that good?

That is insane.

Insane, huh?

Insane sounds expensive.

Hey, Chuck, I Iike this guy.

-He's the best. The best.

-He's funny.

AII right, fellas,

Iet's go Iay some pipe.

Come on, fellas, this way.

Through the bedroom.

So Chuck thinks we should try

the Bradley Method.

What's the Bradley Method?

It's natural childbirth.

You know what else

he was telling me?

We should actually consider

a home birth.

Home birth? With doctors coming

all in the house and stuff?

-Yeah.

-I'm not sure.

Okay. Well, you know,

we could always have a midwife.

You mean Chuck?

He studied in Switzerland.

-So?

-What do you mean, "so"?

I don't want him

coming nowhere near you.

The thought of Chuck

just makes my stomach hurt.

AII right. Well, I guess

we'II just have to talk about it Iater.

Good night.

-Chuck.

-Nick.

Chuck.

Hey there, Iittle buddy.

Chuck making

your stomach hurt too?

Yeah, go ahead,

help yourself. It's okay.

You seem Iike a nice guy.

Come to me.

Hey there, Iittle buddy.

You wanna be my friend, don't you?

Well, truth be told, I need a--

Where is she?

She went to a party

at Danny's house.

Dry-rot Danny?

Thanks for picking me up, man.

I remember sneaking out of

my bedroom when I was that age.

Sweet, stolen kisses in the night.

-Sometimes more than kisses, right?

-Wrong.

-Right? Right?

-Wrong. Wrong.

Whatever they're doing,

I'm sure it's perfectly innocent.

For goodness' sake,

she's almost grown up. She's 1 5.

She's only 1 3.

Practically a baby, man.

I really don't wanna have this

conversation with you.

Enough of this.

Easy there, partner. That's my wife.

-That's your wife?

-Yeah.

-This is your wife?

-Right there.

I Iove the way your family

treats you Iike an adult.

Ever since Mom married Nick,

I've been treated Iike a kid.

Well, you're way too

grown-up and pretty for that.

-Lindsey.

-Nick?

You're busted. Now, get up,

because you're grounded.

And you, you fired.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, brah.

Hang Ioose.

Brah. You fired too. And your Iittle

brother. So hang Ioose with that, brah.

I hate you.

Well, I'm not exactly your biggest fan

right now either. Go wait in the car.

Chuck, Iet's go.

Chuck!

Chuck!

Oh, Nick.

That was quite a night Iast night,

huh, Nick?

Hey, Linds-o.

Good morning, Lindsey.

Lindsey. Good morning.

Good morning.

Looks Iike she's still mad at you.

Yeah, well, this ain't

a popularity contest.

Nick?

Chuck! Come here, man.

Need a hug?

No, I don't need a hug.

I need my floors back.

It's termites, Nick.

Straight up had to go.

Want that hug now?

I'm getting tired of this.

You have one message.

Mr. Persons,

love the magazine idea.

But you are one month late

with the cover.

I've stalled the board

as long as I can.

Now it's my job on the line.

So, Nick, if you can't get Magic,

we'll have to move on.

Of course, that means refunding

your substantial cash advance.

I know you understand.

Thanks, doll. Call me.

And, wives, let's inhale,

taking in another deep breath.

And give it away on sound.

There we are.

And wives are now completely relaxed.

What's going on here?

Nick.

We're doing a sympathetic

breathing and birth--

Shut up.

I can't believe you're doing this

with him.

I can't believe you forgot

about our class.

Inhaling and staying in the exercise.

I'm trying to fix our house, which is

supposed to be Chuck's job.

Don't blame Chuck.

He's helping me right now.

Big breath. Big breath.

By rubbing all on you?

No, Nick, by supporting me.

I support you.

I support her.

I'm just trying to build our dream

house for us and the kids, that's all.

Y'all just get back to relaxing.

Rub on the belly or something.

You know, one of our mantras,

Nick, is that coupling is participation.

I know.

What we're gonna do now

is take our hand...

...and go in a circular motion

around and around....

That's the baby's house,

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