Arsenic and Old Lace Page #2

Yes, indeed. That is quite a problem.

Mortimer's made all the arrangements

for Teddy...

...to go to Happy Dale Sanitarium

after we pass on.

Splendid idea! A very pleasant place.

Dear, sweet Reverend Harper.

You know, Martha,

I do believe he's beginning to see the light.

I'm sure we needn't worry about him.

He won't interfere with our plans

for Mortimer and Elaine.

Did you just have tea?

Yes.

And dinner's going to be late, too.

So, why?

Good news for you.

You're going to Panama

and dig another lock for the canal.

Delighted!

That's bully! Just bully!

I shall prepare at once for the journey.

Charge!

Abby! While I was out?

Yes, dear. I just couldn't wait for you.

I didn't know when you'd be back,

and Reverend Harper was coming.

-But all by yourself.

-I got along fine.

-I'll run right downstairs and see.

-No, dear.

There wasn't time. And I was all alone.

Well?

Just look in the windowseat.

-It's Elaine!

-Hello, darlings.

-But, Elaine!

-What did she mean?

You don't suppose they've gone and--

Listen, buddy.

-This old cab has seen osculation but....

-You ain't seen anything yet.

-You've got to drive us to the station.

-Take her hat.

Wait a minute. And her brooch.

If you find her hairpins, keep them.

Hold on to that.

There they are.

Here's your hat.

Just throw it.

I don't like that look in your eyes.

-What's the matter with it?

-Father preached about it only last Sunday.

He did? What did he say?

-He was against it.

-But that was only Sunday.

Please! For heaven's sake!

But, Mortimer, right out here

with everyone looking?

Yes, right out here with everyone looking.

Let everyone in Brooklyn over 16 look.

But, Mortimer, you're going to love me

for my mind, too?

One thing at a time.

There's that look again!

"There's that look again, Mortimer! "

You better get used to it.

You'll see it often. It goes just before this.

You know what we're doing?

Wasting time.

I'll go tell my aunts and you tell your....

No, don't tell your father.

You'll run his cold into a pneumonia.

I can handle Father. He's a dear.

Look, why don't we wire him

from Niagara Falls?

Niagara Falls?

That's why you stopped at your office.

Yes, certainly!

We're going to go the whole hog.

Niagara Falls!

Everybody ought to go there.

You should've seen my secretary's face.

We've a room on the train,

the bridal suite in the hotel...

...and tomorrow morning

we go over the falls in a barrel.

Go on, darling, hurry and pack.

I don't have to.

I started packing the day after I met you.

There, you see! You see?

That's what I mean.

That's what I hate about women.

I wonder what Mary's doing now?

-The train leaves in an hour, hurry.

-It'll be a few minutes.

-Father may want to pray over me.

-Whistle when you're ready.

When you whistle, open the front door fast.

If you see a tall, dark streak of light,

it's me.

What? Now?

No, not now!

Look surprised when he tells us.

Hold on to your bustles.

We're married. Elaine and I are married.

Oh, darling, how wonderful!

Isn't it wonderful? They're married!

Don't pretend to be so surprised either,

you two old frauds.

-Can I use the telephone?

-Of course.

Isn't it too, too wonderful?

And to think that it happened

right here in this room!

Now, here.

Benson's Florists?

This is Mortimer Brewster.

Did you send those roses

to Mrs. Brewster? Good.

Send four dozen more to drawing room A,

Grand Central Station.

Hurry. And throw in a flock

of orange blossoms.

But before you go,

we can have our celebration.

I'll open a bottle of wine and we'll sing.

And we'll invite a few neighbors in.

-And, of course, a wedding cake.

-You won't have time to bake a cake.

We're going to Niagara Falls.

A taxi's waiting.

It's all ready. It's been ready since--

I bet it's been ready

since the first day I met her.

Did everybody know

I was getting married, except me?

We knew you'd find out about it in time.

I've got the two nicest aunts in the world.

Of course, you've got

the nicest nephew in the world, too.

Well, I'll run along

and get everything ready.

Oh, dear. I do hope the Reverend

isn't too angry.

You know how your books upset him.

I'm going to burn all my books.

I'll let the Reverend light the first match.

Did I leave some notes here

for my new book?

You mean Mind Over Matrimony?

Where are they?

-I hid them someplace--

-Come along.

Now you behave.

Let's find them before Elaine sees them.

Hello, Mortimer!

-How are you, Mr. President?

-Bully, thank you. Just bully.

-What news have you brought me?

-The country's squarely behind you.

Yes, I know. Isn't it wonderful?

Well, goodbye. I'm off to Panama.

Goodbye, Mr. President.

A new lock for the canal, you know.

"Oh, tell the news to Mother"

-Oh, dear.

-Find those notes? What's wrong?

There's a baby picture

of your brother Jonathan.

You ought to put that in the fire

with my books. My, what a face!

I remember now.

He'd scare grownups with it.

Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me.

Do you remember how he used to cut

worms in two with his teeth?

Jonathan? He's probably in prison

or hanged or something by now.

I saw a play, had a character in it,

reminded me of Jonathan.

Really?

A honey of a lunatic. One of those

whodunits called Murder Will Out.

Oh, dear!

Yeah, what a play.

When the curtain goes up,

the first thing you see is a dead body.

The next thing--

Hey, mister.

-Happy bridegroom!

-Congratulations, darling!

Never mind that now.

Now, listen, darlings.

You know how we've always planned

to send Teddy to Happy Dale?

Yes, dear. That's after we're gone.

Yes, we talked with Reverend Harper

about it.

Teddy's got to go to Happy Dale now.

At once!

-He's in the cellar. Get him up here now.

-There's no such hurry as that.

When Teddy's working on the canal,

you can't get his mind on anything else.

Well, look, darlings.

I'm frightfully sorry,

but I've got an awful shock for you.

Teddy's killed a man, darlings!

Nonsense!

There's a body in the windowseat!

Yes, dear. We know.

-You know?

-Of course.

Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.

Now, Mortimer. You just forget about it.

Forget you ever saw the gentleman.

Forget?

We never dreamed you'd peek.

What the....

Who is he?

He's a Mr. Hoskins. Adam Hoskins.

That's really all I know about him,

except that he's a Methodist.

He's a Methodist? lsn't that nice.

That's all you know?

What's he doing here?

-What happened to him?

-He died.

Aunt Martha, men just don't get

into windowseats and die.

No, dear. He died first.

Wait! Stop all this.

Now look, how did he die?

Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive.

The gentleman died because he drank

some wine with poison in it.

How did the poison get in the wine?

We put it in wine

because it's less noticeable.

When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor.

You mean you....

You put it in the wine?

Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins

in the windowseat...

...because Reverend Harper was coming.

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