Arthur Page #4

- That's great!

You probably never run out

of ice your whole life.

I don't drink because drinking

affects your decision-making.

You may be right.

I can't decide.

That's just a little humor.

Where's the rest

of this moose?

Arthur, I think it's time

we got to know one another.

I do too. That's why

I had you come over today.

This is a tough room.

I don't have to tell you that.

You must have hated this moose.

Why don't you forget

the moose for a moment?!

Right.

You know...

...I didn't inherit money

like you did.

I started with nothing.

And yet...

...I was a millionaire

by the time I was 18.

Anyone stood in my way,

they got hurt.

When I was 11 years old...

...I killed a man.

When you're 11, you don't even

know there's a law against that.

Is Susan here?

I knew what I was doing.

We were poor.

He came into our house

to steal our food.

Well, he was asking for it.

I took a knife...

...and I killed him

in the kitchen.

You probably ate out that night.

I mean, with that man

lying in your kitchen.

- You seem to find humor in everything.

- Yes, sorry.

- Arthur!

- What?

Do you know what I consider to be

my most precious possession?

My daughter.

She is my gold.

- She is my treasure.

- She's very nice.

And I protect what's mine.

And I do it in an ugly way.

- I'm from the gutter.

- I understand. The gutter.

You seem upset.

Now, Susan loves you.

And I want you to make her happy.

You can count on it.

I insist upon you making her happy.

Listen.

What happens...

...this is just hypothetical...

...if I don't make her happy?

Which is out of the question!

But let's just say...

...I make her...

...cranky?

For cranky, I guess you'd

probably just break my ankles.

Something like that.

You'll make her happy.

I don't like your drinking.

It makes you unreasonable.

I want you to go to work.

Now, your father and I

talked about it. I want you...

...to work for me.

Is this it?

She's not happy already?

Susan loves you.

So I love you.

You'll find me a friend.

Don't you get it?

You can get drunk.

You can throw up.

You can forget to call me

for months.

You can't lose with me.

I know you too well.

And I'm much stronger

than you are.

I know how alone you are.

I hate how alone you are.

I've cried because

you're so alone.

Don't be afraid, Arthur.

You're never going

to be alone again.

Waiter!

I'll have another.

You want another fish?

Don't drink anymore.

You're such an a**hole!

This is what I am!

Everyone who drinks

is not a poet.

Some of us drink

because we're not poets.

A real woman could

stop you from drinking.

It'd have to be a real big woman.

Will you take my hand?

That would leave you with one!

Sorry. Here's the hand.

I love you, Arthur.

Good! I have to talk

to the waiter now.

My doctor advised me to

drink 10 of these an hour.

I understand, Mr. Bach.

This is the ring my grandfather

gave to my grandmother.

Then he died.

And subsequently,

she gave it to me.

I'll always love you.

It's a great ring, isn't it?

It's a beautiful ring.

It's a magical night.

Do you have any objection

to naming a child Vladimir?

Even a girl?

Ask me.

Will you marry me?

Take the weekend if you want.

Congratulations!

Would you mind if I took you home?

I've got a terrible headache.

I'm sorry.

This must be the building.

I hope it's not late.

Who am I talking to?

It's me, it's me.

- What do you want?

- Oh, sh*t!

I'm sorry to have

disturbed you, madam.

I was looking for Linda. I hope

it's the wrong house. No offense.

My husband has a gun!

I'm sure he has, madam.

For all I know, he shot it

while you screamed.

Perry! Come over here!

This man wants to know

where Linda lives!

She lives at 14133, Apartment A,

next door.

You tell a total stranger that?

You don't know who he is.

- He looks okay.

- Right, get over here!

She's terrible! Does she

always hit you like that?

Yeah, what can I do?

Mind your business!

For God's sake, she's going

to kill you! Get in there!

Give her a shot!

It's you against her, Perry!

Oh, God!

It's horrible!

Horrible!

You shouldn't hear this.

God!

Perry, you're a dead man.

Pardon me.

Oh, you're a hedge.

- You must be Linda's father.

- It's kind of late.

Although I wasn't sleeping myself.

Oh, nice to meet you, Arthur.

Hi, Linda!

Can I come in?

Don't you hate Perry's wife?

Let him in.

Linda, I've missed...

Sorry, Linda.

I'm sorry.

Really.

It happens.

What's the matter with you?

Nobody knocks on a door

at 3:
00 in the morning!

You're so drunk,

you can hardly stand up.

And you're engaged!

This is a goner.

I'm going to sleep.

You come here at 3 o'clock

in the morning to say goodbye?

I have to get up and go to work

in the morning. Stop kidding around!

Will you stop kissing me!

I'm sure you're not going

to want to be a waitress...

...for the rest of your life.

I am studying to be an actress.

- You told me.

- Well, I am.

This is for you...

...your father...

...and your acting career.

Please take it and I'll go.

$ 100,000.

We don't need your money.

Linda, it'll help you.

Look what it's done for you.

Tell your story walking,

before I call a cop!

Get out of here!

Closet.

I know.

Want to take her for a spin, Hobson?

No, thank you, Arthur.

Mr. Bach, be sure you call me

anytime you need the track.

- Take it easy.

- Thank you.

Do you know how miserable I am?

You're miserable?

I've got all this and I'm on a salary.

ARTHUR 3

Do you know the worst part?

The worst part of being me?

I should imagine your breath.

Let me be unhappy, will you?

You know, Hobson...

...I could love somebody.

I never got to love anybody!

What do I have to live for?

I'm a failure. I'm just in the way.

Would you remove your helmet, please?

- Why?

- Please.

Thank you.

Now your goggles.

- Why?

- Please.

You spoiled little bastard!

You're a man who has everything.

But that's not enough.

You feel unloved? Welcome to

the world. Everyone is unloved!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

And incidentally, I love you.

Marry Susan, Arthur.

Poor drunks do not find love.

Poor drunks have very few teeth.

They urinate outdoors.

They freeze to death in summer.

I can't bear to think

of you that way.

I need Linda, Hobson.

I see.

Well, perhaps fate

will lend a hand, Arthur.

One never knows.

Good afternoon?

May I come in?

If you and your undershirt

would walk two paces backwards...

...I could enter this dwelling.

How revolting.

Look who's here.

The British Tonto.

How are you? How's Arthur?

Ever since I met Arthur,

I liked him.

We have to make sure these

two wonderful kids stay together.

Who is this person?

- He's my father.

- Yes, and I'd like to say that...

Try not to speak.

Would you get me a cup of tea?

I wish to speak to Linda.

Sure.

There is an engagement

party tonight...

...at Arthur's father's house

in Southampton.

Here is the address.

Perhaps you should attend.

Are all the ones

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