Arthur Christmas Page #2

Lot of fuss.

l did my 70 missions...

...without any of this malarkey.

Didn't we, lad?

-Twist ties clear.

-Can l watch with you, Grandsanta?

Shut the door!

Hell's berries...

-...it's the North Pole!

-Kid still asleep? He mustn't see Santa.

-Dad would rather die than spoil it.

-What if you...

...wake the odd nipper? A whack...

...with a sock of sand,

dab of whiskey on the lips...

...they don't remember.

-Screwdriver elf.

-Yes!

What happened...

...to going down the "chimbley"?

Never did me any har--

Get off me!

You smell like a wet elf.

Goodness! Down, boy! Basket.

Here you are, Grandsanta.

l've made you a nice mince pie.

l can't eat that. lt gets in me teeth.

Oh, dear.

Now l've got to visit...

...the elf hospital...

...look over a treaty with Greenland

and make the gravy.

Then we'll finally have

the whole family home for Christmas.

They're nearly done!

-Battery clear.

-Oh, no.

lt's the detachable milk maid!

-She's got her own power source!

-Five seconds...

...till she starts singing!

Four!

Three!

Two!

One!

Use your HOHO. Exit...

...code 1 2. Code 12!

Okay, go, go, go!

Revise drop time to 14.1 3 seconds.

Let's pick this up, people!

Drop time...

...revised. Picking this up...

...people.

Everybody, mission...

...re-engage.

Three...

...two...

...one!

Mission accomplished.

Hey!

Oh, what a night that was.

That detachable milk maid thing.

This is just the beginning,

right, sir?

l got you a present, sir.

Not S for Steve, sir.

S for Santa.

Oh, l don't know about that, Peter.

Okay...

...let's bring them home.

CCTV...

...in every room!

Had to go under the floor!

-Sarah.

-Back! Holly injury coming through!

Hey, fancy...

...a trip on the S-1 , Arthur?

lt only goes 1 50,000...

-...miles an hour.

-No, no. Thanks.

l see a bit of the world in my office,

you know.

Some of the stamps l get

are amazing.

Excuse me.

Santa!

Dad!

Dad! Dad!

l'm sorry. So sorry. Dad!

Dad!

-Santa's waving!

-He's waving at me!

-He's waving at me!

-At me!

Dad!

Arthur.

Happy Christmas.

You too.

You were fantastic!

Look! Christmas slippers.

Well done. Yes.

Father?

There he is. Steve!

Mission accomplished!

Tonight we delivered...

...2 billion presents.

On this...

...my 70th mission!

We'll miss you, Santa!

Stand by.

Oh, thank you.

You know, l sometimes think

l couldn't do it without you.

And my splendid...

...Margaret, who's stood by me

all these years...

...very ably doing all that...

...stuff...

...that women do when

their husbands work. Marvelous.

And Arthur, yes, doing...

...vital work in Maintenance,

really vital.

l.... l work...

...in Letters.

-Letters, of course. l'm so sorry.

-You moved me...

...after l tripped over that plug

and melted down the elf barracks.

l lost everything in that flood!

Yes. Now...

...many years ago, my father told me...

...that being Santa

is the best job in the world.

He was right.

l've loved it.

l can't wait for year 71 !

Merry Christmas, everyone.

He's red, he's white!

He's worked all through the night!

Santa!

"What do you get

if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis!"

lsn't this the best bit of Christmas?

lt certainly is, Arthur.

The whole family together.

How about a toast, Malcolm?

Well, here's to me doing

an even better job next year.

-Next year.

-But you're...

-...already perfect, Dad.

-That turkey did more than him.

You wouldn't understand, Father.

l've rather moved things on

since your day. Eh, Steve?

Forget Techno Tommy. He's texting

on his calculator after another job.

lt's a Handheld...

...Operational and Homing Organizer.

The HOHO 3000.

l'm enacting mission closure.

Aren't you the fancy nancy?

Don't matter what you come up with.

You may be next in line, but you'll never

get to be Santa unless you knock him off.

l've got you all a present.

After all the hard work, l wanted everyone

to have some Christmas fun.

-l'm Santa!

-No, no, l'm Santa. lt's ridiculous.

-You just took the piece out of my hand.

-Well, l am actually Santa...

...so l think l should have it.

-Yes. You're the nonexecutive figurehead.

-Exactly.

-Figurehead.

-lt means...

...a fatty with a beard who fits the suit.

The other pieces are good too.

Or l can make extra Santas

for everyone.

Why don't you be the candle, Steve?

All those bright ideas, eh?

Fine. l'm the candle,

Arthur's the turkey...

...and you, Father,

are, of course, Santa.

Grandsanta, you can be

this charming relic.

"Relic"? "Relic"?

l did the whole of Christmas

in one of these, Arthur.

Oh, yes. l didn't need

a trillion elves in bleepy hats.

We don't fly about...

...throwing lead-painted toys

down chimneys anymore.

That space sends you back...

-...to Lapland.

-Malcolm, where did you get those?

Just moving things along. Do l win?

Cheats, the pair of you!

Mum, are you okay?

Polar bear, dear. Attacked me on the ice.

Good l did that online survival course...

-...or there'd be one less for turkey.

-Christmas has...

...gone right down the rodney hole.

You're a postman with a spaceship.

My S-1 festivized the world

at 1 860 times the speed of sound.

Christmas 1 941 , World War ll...

...did the whole thing with

six reindeer and a drunken elf!

l was shot at, Arthur.

Took 1 2 direct hits.

Lost three reindeer.

What happened...

-...to the elf?

-Fell out of the sleigh over Lake Geneva.

Never saw him again.

Goodness. Now....

"Christmas crackers.

Sing 'Silent Night' backwards."

Who'd know that?

l went on alone.

l could still do it now, Arthur.

Just give me a go!

-ln a heap of sticks.

-"Heap of--"?

Let me up and at him!

l'll show you, Robby the Robot!

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

l'll have that back.

-Would have won anyway.

-What?

Oh, yeah. Run away...

...now you're losing!

Steve!

Steve.

Don't be upset. Look.

You keep this.

Then you can be Santa next time.

That'll be you there, Steve.

Next year...

...l bet.

You'll be great.

How many times, Arthur?

lt's the North Pole. Shut the doors.

l secured the gift.

-Gift secured!

-Just can't be.

The system is foolproof.

lt has to be an error, sir.

"Error"?

l spotted the ribbon

glinting in the shadows.

l am actually...

...trained in wrapping.

And l said to myself, "Bryony, the

wrapping looks okay. Thank goodness.

But that present should not

be lying in the--"

-Thank you, soldier.

-Has someone...

...got the wrong present? That's awful.

-Whose is it?

-No one...

...gets the wrong...

...present. 47785...

...BXK....

"Gift undelivered"?

They got nothing?

A child's...

...been missed!

Not necessarily.

A child's been missed!

Wanna wake up the North Pole?

Good idea. A child's...

-...been missed!

-Arthur!

Everything all right?

There's been a glitch.

"A glitch"? We've missed a child!

Really? Dear, oh, dear.

That's awful.

How did you let it happen, Steven?

How did l--?

l thought it was your mission.

-No. This is your department.

-What'll we do?

We must-- We must--

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