Arthur Newman Page #2

Uh, I...

I can't, um...

I don't know how

to... somebody!

Thanks for trying.

Who is he?

John Doe.

Can't find an ID on him.

Poor guy.

What a way to go.

Well, thanks for

trying, anyways.

What is wrong with you?

Poor John Doe, what a way to go,

poor John Doe.

It's not funny.

Oh, please don't make me get

on that bus, Wallace.

That was a very funny

joke, Wallace.

Getting lost on Talbot Island.

Ha ha ha.

Wallace?

You can come out now.

I can't sleep in my room.

What are you doing?

See my glasses?

I thought I left...

I thought I left them...

No.

His hands were all calloused.

Especially his left hand,

around the wedding ring.

How do you know that?

Because I held his hand.

By the way, that was very

kind of you, Mike.

Same guy.

Wallace Avery.

How's life treatin' you?

Keep the change.

Who are you?

I mean, really?

I guess I've always

been Arthur Newman.

Wife just forced another

individual on me.

Wallace Avery was

such a nothing?

Actually, Mike, Wallace Avery

was manager of a large,

multinational corporation.

What, like Blackwater

or evil empire...

No, Federal Express.

Well, I ran a branch in Orlando.

Well, I was floor manager.

Oh, Jesus!

No wonder you want to

be Arthur Newman.

Why the gold angle?

I just happen to be a

very good golfer.

Last spring at Diamondback

Golf Club, I observed a

gentleman taking

practice shots.

He had some serious issues with

his swing, and I offered

him some, quite frankly,

valuable advise.

And the next thing I know, this

gentleman grabs me on the

16th fairway and he says,

"Sir, you are a godsend.

I'm shooting like my old self

again. " And he tells me he

owns a private golf club in

Terre Haute, Indiana, and I am

welcome there any time.

Well, that moment, Mike,

I had an epiphany.

"Sir," I said,

"My name is Arthur Newman. "

It just popped out of my mouth.

"And I have recently returned

stateside after 15 years

abroad on Asian tours,"

and did he need a teaching

pro, I asked him.

He shook my hand, and

he said, "Arthur,

consider yourself hired.

I'll see you in Terre

Haute next summer. "

So you just ditched Wallace

Avery for a total stranger's

half-baked promise?

How very good are you?

See that tractor?

I'm going to hit it.

Huh!

Cool!

See the truck?

Oh!

Can I ask you a personal question?

I don't know, can you?

Where you going to

go after we get to

Terre Haute?

I don't know.

I guess...

Don't you have a place?

You know, a...

A, I a home owner?

Don't you have,

you know, a family?

No, not really.

No dad?

No.

Mom?

Killed herself.

I'm so sorry.

You have siblings?

I have a twin sister in

a loony bin, Arthur.

I put her there for the fourth

time right before I met you.

So you see, I really don't

have that much family.

Twin sister?

As an identical twin sister?

Good night, Arthur.

By any chance, does your twin

sister have short, blond hair?

Lives in Durham, and you're

carrying her driver's license?

You really think you're the

only person walking around

with someone else's ID?

How is this possible?

I mean, you both...

we're both...

is this why you agreed

to come with me?

Look, don't think this makes

us any closer, OK?

So...

Who are you?

what's your name?

Hey...

so sorry.

My questions upset you, Mike?

My name is Charlotte.

Kevin, over here!

Watch me!

Over here!

Watch me!

F*** off, Jamie!

Nice trip, dumb ass!

There's someone here who'd like

to speak with you about

your father.

This is Mina Crawley.

She is a friend of Wallace's.

I'm a dear, dear friend

of your dad's.

He... he spoke so much about you.

It's a genuine pleasure to...

you do resemble him here.

Your father went camping

five days ago

and he hasn't returned.

At Talbot State Park at, um...

at the ocean.

The Atlantic Ocean.

The police are searching for

him, but so far, they have

found nothing, and they've...

Crawley they're very concerned.

Yeah, well, nice to

meet you, I guess.

Hey, Charlotte!

Charlotte!

Why are you standing in the

middle of the street, Arthur?

I thought you'd...

Look.

OK!

Come on, Arthur!

Let's follow them!

Why don't we just return the

veil and get out of here?

Oh, they're leaving.

Let's just give it to them.

No, no, no.

Wait, wait.

They're going on their

honeymoon, Arthur!

Oh, that's very exciting.

They are seniors, Mike.

I'm not sure "exciting" is the...

Shhh.

Mike.

Mike, I don't like this.

Mike, what we're doing

is returning the veil.

Why don't you just...

just leave it on the porch?

Shh!

Mike?

Mike, just set it on the

kitchen table and... and get

out of there.

Mike?

Mike, what are you doing?

Get down here!

Mike.

Right now!

Eugene, git on up here

and act like a husband.

Now, that is...

inappro...

take that thing off right now.

You take it off.

It's your honeymoon.

Come 'ere, Gene.

Lie down beside me.

Mike, cut it out, really.

It's... it's wrong.

Wrong?

Is love wrong on our weddin' day?

It's not what I...

what I mean is,

is pretending to be...

We deserve to be

happy, Eugene.

I'm not Eugene and you're not...

I know.

Let me be your joy, Eugene.

Take my love, all of it.

You'll be my happiness, too.

Come 'ere, husband.

Can I be myself, please?

Oh, what the hell?

Just skooch over.

First thing I'm gonna

do in the AM is I'm

going to take down those photos

by the stairs, and I'm

gonna put up one great,

big, life size picture of you.

Use the whole,

the whole house, whole universe,

just to glorify you.

Love you, you know that?

Like the stars love

the night sky.

Turn over.

Sweet savior, you

are beautiful.

Kevin.

Do you live here?

Uh, no.

Or technically, no, I don't.

I've spent a... a lot of time

here, a great deal of time

Some wonderful time.

What were you doing?

Me?

Uh...

I was having some toast.

Oh, my...

Excuse me.

I have to go to work.

I've never been here before.

Oh?

He thought if he built a shrine

to me, he could make up

for being such a shitty dad.

Did it ever occur to

him I grew up?

Oh, my goodness.

Uh...

You think he's dead?

I don't know.

Charlotte?

What if we...

Call me Mike.

Come on, come on!

Where have you been all night?

Kevin?

Stay with me, Mike,

in Terre Haute.

We both want the same things.

We both need...

Live with me.

You can be Michaela.

I can be Arthur.

We can both have the

lives we want.

Finally.

What do you say?

The water pressure

here is superb.

My mom was a paranoid

schizophrenic, Arthur.

And so was my sister.

You can't understand

how scary that is.

How can I live with anyone?

I'm a genetic time bomb.

I hear that duck quack,

and I know it's a duck.

But sooner or later, it's going

to be ducks sending me

secret messages, telling me...

When will it be over?

When will I stop being me?

Who says you will?

Statistics.

Someone with my family history...

You're not a statistic, Mike.

You're a person who can't defend

herself against her

worst feelings.

You feel the things most of us

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