As Good as It Gets Page #12

CAROL:

The stiff one eye?

MELVIN:

Two days.

CAROL:

I can't. I work.

MELVIN:

You take off when you have to.

CAROL:

My son.

MELVIN:

Bettes tells me he's doing fine.

CAROL:

(no other way)

Melvin, I'd rather not.

MELVIN:

What's that got to do with it?

CAROL:

Funny, I thought it was a strong

point.

MELVIN:

Write me a note and ain't she

sweet. I need a hand and where'd

she go.

CAROL:

Are you saying accepting your help

obligates me!?

MELVIN:

Is there another way to see it?

CAROL:

No.

INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT - BEVERLY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Carol takes an old weekend case down from the top shelf

of the closet.

CAROL:

Well, here's a little suitcase

shocked that it's been used.

She holds up a dress -- a pretty one... then decides it's

too pretty and puts it back... Now she looks in another

drawer and pauses as if she ponders one of the mysteries

of the ages. She hesitates then talks to herself.

INSERT -- UNDERWEAR DRAWER

Her best underwear neatly stacked alongside her everyday

"girl Jockies." She fingers the good stuff -- puts it

back -- then the everyday -- hesitates.

CAROL:

(furiously exasperated)

There's not way to pack for this

trip... well, I'll tell you -- I'm

not packing the camera.

As she exits the room --

INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - NIGHT

As she picks up the phone.

INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Melvin is in his bedroom -- everything he's taking neatly

stacked on the bed waiting to be packed (he is taking a

camera). He has a list of what he needs. All items --

underwear, socks, etc... with four checks next to each

one and still he -- checks each stack on the bed and adds

another check. The PHONE RINGS. This is an amazing

development. He has almost no recent experience with

receiving a nighttime phone call. He makes a little

comment to himself as he moves.

MELVIN:

Woo-woo.

He stops -- briefly trying to remember where the phone is

-- and then, remembering, crosses and picks it up but

before bringing it to his mouth nervously clears his

throat.

ON CAROL:

As she hears his throat being cleared. It is not a

pretty sound. (The following conversation is INTERCUT.)

CAROL:

Hello?

MELVIN:

Are you still coming?

CAROL:

Yes.

Melvin visibly relaxes.

CAROL:

Melvin... I'd like to know exactly

where we are going.

MELVIN:

Just south to Baltimore, Maryland.

So I know what you're going to ask

next.

(correcting himself)

That you might ask -- I'm not

certain.

CAROL:

There's... there's no need to

bring anything dressy... or... I

mean -- I didn't know if we'd be

eating at any restaurant that

have dress codes.

MELVIN:

Oh.

(a beat)

We might. Yes. We can. Let's.

CAROL:

Okay, gotcha. What did you think

I was going to ask?

MELVIN:

Whether crabs are in season there

now...

CAROL:

Oh. Okay, then -- Melvin. Good

night.

INT. CAROL'S APARTMENT - BEVERLY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Beverly looks up expectantly as her daughter enters.

BEVERLY:

How was it talking to him?

CAROL:

Stop treating this like I'm going

away with a man. He's just going

to say those crappy, sick,

complaining, angry things to me.

I hate this, Mom -- I hate this.

He's a freak show -- the worst

person I ever met.

BEVERLY:

Well, maybe he has nice friends.

EXT. CAROL'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

Beverly and Spencer wait with her. The bus approaches.

She kisses them.

CAROL:

(to Spencer)

You stand there and I'll wave to

you from the back window.

As she boards the bus.

BEVERLY:

Call me as soon as you're settled.

CAROL:

(to Spencer)

I love you.

The bus driver closes the doors on her -- she shoves them

open.

CAROL:

(to bus driver)

Sensitive, huh?!

The bus pulls out. He runs after the bus -- waving at

his mother who grows concerned that he might be taxing

himself.

INT. VETERINARIAN'S WAITING ROOM - DAY

A female VETERINARIAN in surgical scrubs holds Verdell as

Melvin finishes filling out some forms.

On opposite sides of the waiting room, a very large black

dog and a tiny Chihuahua sit patiently with their owners.

VETERINARIAN:

Anything unusual in the dog's

diet?

MELVIN:

No. Everybody gets their own

cage?

VETERINARIAN:

Certainly.

MELVIN:

(pointing to

Chihuahua)

Put him in with that one, not that

one...

(pointing to large

dog)

... Builds his confidence.

EXT. BUS STOP NEAR APARTMENT BUILDING (NEW YORK) - DAY

Carol disembarks.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING (NEW YORK) - DAY

As she walks and turns a corner.

CLOSE ON CAROL:

The shot of the prisoner taking the walk toward the death

chamber. But the prisoner -- has grit -- her knees do

not buckle. She does not whimper. No prison "screws"

will have to support her weight. Still, the prospect

couldn't be grimmer.

CAROL'S POV

Melvin next to a spiffy convertible. Top down. Trunk open.

CLOSER ON MELVIN

He is wearing driving gloves and turns to witness the

tussle Frank and Simon are having just inside the

building.

FRANK:

I'm sorry that I'm not taking

you.

SIMON:

(upset)

So am I, Frank.

Frank starts to leave -- Simon stops him. They embrace.

MELVIN:

Soak it up -- it's your last

chance at a hug for a few days.

As Frank moves off Melvin sees Carol and his demeanor

changes... that quickly there is a shyness.

CAROL:

Hi.

MELVIN:

Thanks for being on time... Carol,

the waitress, this is Simon, the

fag.

CAROL:

Hello... Oh, my God, who did that

to you?

SIMON:

I, uh... I was... attacked.

Walked in on people robbing me. I

was hospitalized. I almost died.

MELVIN:

Let's do the small talk in the

car. Load up.

Carol puts her bag in the car.

MELVIN:

I was going to do that for you.

CAROL:

(taken aback)

It's okay. No problem. Where

should we sit?

MELVIN:

(totally non-plussed)

I -- uh, I... Well, there is no

place cards or anything.

CAROL:

(to Simon)

Let me go in back. You look like

you need all the room you can

manage.

SIMON:

That's very thoughtful.

MELVIN:

Never a break. Never.

Carol steps into the back. Melvin disappointed that he's

not sitting next to Carol... Carol is wedged in the small

back seat. She struggles to get her feet in.

MELVIN:

You're really jammed back there.

He reaches for the latch between his legs and slides his

seat and, with some effort, wrenches it forward giving

Carol more room and putting his right against the wheel.

She is startled by the gesture.

CAROL:

Thanks, Melvin.

MELVIN:

Welcome.

And off they go. Simon and Carol stunned by the manners.

EXT. 12TH STREET

Turning onto Fifth.

MELVIN:

I got the whole ride programmed.

CAMERA FOLLOWS as Melvin goes to a rack of CDs -- all

carefully labelled. He selects and begins to play the

one marked "ICEBREAKER." It is a song which we clearly

and quickly judge as off the circumstances -- a quick

burst of "Y.M.C.A." Melvin STOPS the MUSIC and chuckles.

MELVIN:

Just wanted to see what you'd do.

No, we have greatness here.

He goes for another CD labelled "FOR USE TO REP THINGS

UP."

The car turns onto Seventh as we hear BEAUTIFULLY

SELECTED MUSIC.

CAROL (O.S.)

Hey, I like this music.

And, as the MUSIC PLAYS, Simon looks out.

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