As Good as It Gets Page #13

EXT. ROAD - DAY

The three of them... Carol chattering away.

CAROL:

I don't know the last time I've

been out of the city... Hey, my

arms are tanning. I used to tan

great. We gotta stop soon so'se

I can check on Spencer.

SIMON:

(during the above)

I'm sorry... I can't hear you. I

can't turn my head all the way

yet... tell her we can't hear her.

MELVIN:

Doesn't matter. She's enjoying

herself. Consider it part of the

music.

EXT. ROAD - DAY

A short time later. Carol is now driving.

CAROL:

I'm sure, Simon, they did

something real off for you to feel

this way... But when it comes to

your partners -- or your kid --

things will always be off for you

unless you set it straight. Maybe

this thing happened to you just to

give you that chance.

MELVIN:

Nonsense!

CAROL:

Anybody here who's interested in

what Melvin has to say raise their

hands.

Simon does not raise his hand. Simon and Carol have thus

declared their majority.

SIMON:

Do you want to know what happened

with my parents?

CAROL:

Yes. I really would.

SIMON:

Well...

CAROL:

No, let me pull over so I can pay

full attention.

Car pulling over toward parking spot.

EXT. HIGHWAY - CURBSIDE - CONVERTIBLE - DAY

She takes the car curbside and parks.

CAROL:

Now go ahead.

Simon looks back at Melvin as does Carol. He looks

innocent. Several beats -- Melvin almost says something

-- a hidden hand gesture from Carol stops him. Finally.

SIMON:

Well, I always painted. Always.

And my mother always encouraged

it. She was sort of fabulous

about it actually... and she used

to... I was too young to think

there was anything at all wrong

with it... and she was very

natural. She used to pose nude

for me... and I thought or assumed

my father was aware of it.

MELVIN:

This stuff is pointless.

CAROL:

Hey -- you let him...

MELVIN:

You like sad stories -- you want

mine.

CARL:

. Go ahead, Simon. Really.

Please. Don't let him stop you. Ignore him.

SIMON:

Okay. Well, one day my father

came in on one of those painting

sessions when I was nine -- and he

just started screaming at her --

at us -- at evil. And...

MELVIN:

(very quickly)

... my father didn't leave his

room for 11 years -- he hit my

hand with a yardstick if I made a

mistake on the piano.

CAROL:

Go ahead, Simon. Your father

walked in on you and was yelling

and... really, come on.

SIMON:

I was trying to defend my mother

and make peace, in the lamest way.

I said, "she's not naked -- it's

art." And then he started hitting

me. And he beat me unconscious.

After that he talked to me less

and less -- he knew before I left

for college, my dad came into my

room. He held out his hand. It

was filled with money. A big wad

of sweaty money.

(gathers himself)

And he said to me, "I don't want

you to ever come back." I grabbed

him and I hugged him... He turns

and walked out.

Carol, whose life has been rugged but basic, feels as

strange as she does moved by Simon's trauma which is so

much more complicated than her meat and potatoes

troubles. She looks out her window -- then kisses her

fingers and touches them to Simon's cheek. A nice,

understated, gesture of friendship.

CAROL:

Well, you know -- I still stay

what I said. You've got to get

past it all when it comes to your

parents. We all have these horror

stories to get over.

Melvin shifts INTO the FRAME.

MELVIN:

That's not true. Some of us have

great stories... pretty stories

that take place at lakes with

boats and friends and noodle

salad. Just not anybody in this

car. But lots of people -- that's

their story -- good times and

noodle salad... and that's what

makes it hard. Not that you had

it bad but being that pissed that

so many had it good.

CAROL:

No.

SIMON:

Not it at all, really.

MELVIN:

(a veteran's irony)

Not at all, huh?!... Let's go to

the hotel. And if you're lucky

tomorrow Dad will give you another

wad of sweaty money.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - LIVING ROOM/CARL'S ROOM - DAY

MELVIN:

Two bedrooms and the sofa opens...

Carol is on the phone in the living room -- she hangs up.

CAROL:

(to Simon)

No answer... Maybe we should just

drive there tomorrow. Can I have

that one?

MELVIN:

Yes... sure.

(to Simon)

I'll take the sofa.

Carol walks into her room -- the nicest room she'll ever

have slept in... She goes to the phone and dials...

CAROL:

(into phone)

Hello... Hi, Spencer... Why are

you out of breath? You did?!?

That is great... So great... So --

no, wait a second, Spence...

INT. HOTEL SUITE - MELVIN AND SIMON'S HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Melvin watches Simon struggle to unpack his especially

neat suitcase. Melvin is uncomfortable.

MELVIN:

Can I ask you a personal question?

Simon laughs loudly in apprehension squared.

MELVIN:

Do you ever get an erection for a

woman?

SIMON:

Melvin...

MELVIN:

Wouldn't your lie be a lot easier

if you were not...

SIMON:

You consider your life easy.

MELVIN:

I give you that one...

(eyes suitcase)

Nice packing.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Carol enters the common living room... Melvin is sitting

there. Carol is dealing with a number of unsettling new

factors in her life.

CAROL:

My son was outside playing soccer.

I never saw him playing ball. Come

on, you guys -- take me out for a

good time... Take me out dancing.

MELVIN:

Dancing?

SIMON:

I can't, I'm exhausted.

Carol walks to Simon and puts an arm on him. Melvin is

visibly disturbed by her gesture.

CAROL:

(to Simon)

I don't blame you... This is a

monumental first day out... You

sad or anything?

SIMON:

No... Nervous. It would be very

rough, Carol, if you weren't

along.

CAROL:

What a nice compliment.

She gives Simon a kiss... Melvin deals with jealousy.

She turns to him.

CAROL:

I'm happy. And you're my date.

Let's get dressed.

She exits the room. Melvin unnerved.

MELVIN:

I'm going to jump in the shower.

I'll be right with you.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

As Carol, dressed in a thrift shop find, enters the main

room of the suite and hears the SHOWER running -- she

sits down to wait -- through...

SERIES OF DISSOLVES

Showing the enormous length of time which transpires until

finally a seriously clean Melvin emerges from the bathroom

through a cloud of steam. They exit.

EXT. FIRST RATE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

As they drive up.

VALET:

Good evening, sir.

MELVIN:

They sell hard shell crabs here?

VALET:

Yes.

INT. FIRST RATE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

As they enters...

HEAD WAITER:

Good evening.

MELVIN:

Hi. You have hard shells, right?

CAROL:

Stop asking everyone.

MELVIN:

Just him and that's it. Okay, you

can answer -- we've worked it out.

HEAD WAITER:

Yes, we do... And I can give you a

tie and jacket.

MELVIN:

What?

HEAD WAITER:

They require a tie and jacket but

we have some available.

He reaches into the coat and check room and withdraws them.

MELVIN:

No... I'm not wearing that -- and

just in case you were going to ask

I'm not going to let you inject me

with plaque either.

CAROL:

You promised a nice place -- can't

you just...

(to Head Waiter)

You have these dry cleaned all the

time, don't you?

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