As Good as It Gets Page #14

HEAD WAITER:

Actually, I don't think so.

MELVIN:

(to Carol)

Wait here.

EXT. FIRST RATE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

As Melvin takes his car back from the valet.

EXT. STREET - SHOPPING MALL - NIGHT

As the car goes right across the street to a shopping

mall.

INT. SHOPPING MALL - MEN'S STORE - NIGHT

Melvin walks to the doorway and stops suddenly.

SALESMAN:

Good evening.

MELVIN:

I need a coat and tie.

OTHER ANGLE:

CAMERA REVEALS that the floor is intricately patterned so

that passage for Melvin is impossible.

SALESMAN:

Come on in.

MELVIN:

No.

SALESMAN:

No?

MELVIN:

(pointing)

That jacket and give me a tie.

EXT. FIRST RATE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

As he pulls up - a new VALET taking his car.

VALET #2

Good evening.

MELVIN:

You have hard shells?

VALET #2

I'm not sure.

MELVIN:

Everyone else says you do.

VALET #2

Then I guess we do.

INT. FIRST RATE RESTAURANT

As he enters, looks for and then spot Carol. She is

having a martini at the bar... Sitting on a stool --

watching COUPLES dance... Happy by herself... Turning

down a MAN who wants to buy her another... And Melvin

watches... Watches his date.

HEAD WAITER:

Shall I get her for you?

MELVIN:

No, it's all right. I'll just

watch.

He enjoys watching her for a few more beats... She turns

-- Melvin makes a "Haul your ass over here" gesture...

and she smiles and walks toward him... A WAITER has

lifted her drink -- placed it on a tray and follows her.

She takes a bit of a slalom course through the tables,

giddy as the MUSIC PLAYS and couples dance in the b.g.

She notices the waiter in her trail.

CAROL:

(mouthing the words

to Melvin)

My drink is following me.

Melvin watches her approach. It is all too exquisite.

He takes a breath -- it doesn't come easily.

CAROL:

You look s...

She stops herself from saying "sexy," regathers, then...

CAROL:

You look great.

They arrives at the table. He holds out her chair for her.

CAROL:

You wanna dance?

MELVIN:

I've been thinking about that

since you brought it up before.

CAROL:

(rising)

And?

MELVIN:

No...

(and before she can

digest that)

... I don't get this place. They

make me buy an outfit but they let

you wear a house dress. I don't

get it.

ON CAROL:

Melvin has no idea he has insulted her. Sandbagged in

extreme, she gets up -- actually ready to leave.

MELVIN:

No. Wait. What? Why? I didn't

mean it. You gotta sit down. You

can still give me the dirty

look... just sit down and give it

to me.

CAROL:

Melvin, pay me a compliment... I

need one and quick... You have no

idea how much what you said just

hurt my feelings.

MELVIN:

(really pissed,

mutters)

That monominute somebody gets that

you need them they threaten to go

away. Never fails.

CAROL:

That's not compliment, Melvin...

That's just trying to sound smart

so I feel stupid... A compliment

is something nice about somebody

else... Now or never.

MELVIN:

Okay.

He waves her down.

CAROL:

(sitting)

And mean it...

MELVIN:

Can we order first?

She thinks and then nods. The waiter is across the room.

This does not stop Melvin.

MELVIN:

(calling)

Two crab dinners and pitcher of

cold beer.

(to Carol)

Baked or fries?

CAROL:

Fries.

MELVIN:

(calling)

One baked -- one fries.

STARTLED WAITER:

(shouting back)

I'll tell your waiter.

MELVIN:

(to Carol)

Okay, I got a real great

compliment for you and it's true.

CAROL:

I am so afraid you're about to say

something awful...

MELVIN:

Don't be pessimistic. It's not

your style. Okay... Here I

goes... Clearly a mistake.

(this is hell

for him)

I have this -- what? Ailment...

And my doctor -- a shrink... who

I used to see all the time... he

says 50 or 60 percent of the time

a pill can really help. I hate

pills. Very dangerous things,

pills. "Hate," I am using the

word "hate" about pills. My

compliment is that when you came

to my house that time and told me

how you'd never -- well, you were

there, you know... The next

morning I started taking these

pills.

CAROL:

(a little confused)

I don't quite get how that's a

compliment for me.

Amazing that something in Melvin rises to the occasion --

so that he uncharacteristically looks at her directly --

then:

MELVIN:

You make me want to be a better

man.

Carol never expected the kind of praise which would so

slip under her guard. She stumbles a bit -- flattered,

momentarily moved and his for the taking.

CAROL:

That's maybe the best compliment

of my life.

MELVIN:

Then I've really overshot here

'cause I was aiming at just enough

to keep you from walking out.

Carol laughs.

CAROL:

So how are you doing with those

pills? Well, I hopahopahopa.

MELVIN:

Takes months to know... They work

little by little.

(holds his head;

then)

Talking like this is exhausting.

Carol moves to the chair next to him... She sits very

close -- he tenses.

CAROL:

Have you ever let a romantic

moment make you do something you

know is stupid?

MELVIN:

Never.

CAROL:

Here's the trouble with never.

TIGHT SHOT:

for the kiss. Their faces are close -- she looks at

him... She closes her eyes -- her face moving toward him

-- he is wide-eyed and afraid... His face almost moves

away -- in a shot this close it's almost flight... But

now his head moves back and he receives her kiss. It is

brief. Carol smiles encouragement to him and herself.

Melvin can't bear the pleasure.

MELVIN:

You don't owe me that.

CAROL:

That wasn't payment. When you

first came into breakfast, when I

saw you -- I thought you were

handsome... Then, of course, you

spoke... So now that your soft

li'l underbelly is all exposed.

Tell me, why did you bring me?

Melvin's voice is soft -- hesitant, okay, vulnerable...

as he holds up his hands in a "stop" signal.

MELVIN:

Well, ah... that's a personal

question.

CAROL:

Tell me even if you're scared.

Tell me why you wanted me here.

It's okay.

She kisses him again.

CAROL:

If you ask me... I'll say, "yes."

MELVIN:

(dissembling)

There are lots of reason... I had

a thought that if you had sex with

Simon it might...

CAROL:

(humiliated)

Sex with Simon?

MELVIN:

It's one idea...

CAROL:

That's why you brought me? Look

at me! Is that really why you

brought me... Like I'm a what and

I owe you what?!

MELVIN:

I don't know why I brought you --

that idea occurred to me is all...

It came out first... Hey, you kiss

him -- me... He says he loves

you. You two hit it off. But you

don't want to... fine... Forget

what I said about sex with Simon.

It was a mistake.

CAROL:

(wiping away tears)

I'll never forget you said it.

MELVIN:

It was a mistake.

But she has already turned away and exits the

restaurant... Melvin alone and miserable.

INT. SIMON'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

He finishes dialing. He is extremely tense -- not

breathing -- a lump in his throat -- trying not to let

the anxiety immobilize him... the NUMBER RINGS twice,

then a humorless male voice:

PARENTS' VOICE

(humorless male

voice)

Hi. This is Fred Bishop...

(perky woman's

voice)

... and Betty.

(Fred again)

We are sorry to be unable to take

your call right now. Please leave

a message and we'd appreciate your

including the time/date and

purpose of your call.

(Simon mouths the

word "date," then

Betty speaks before

the beep Bye-bye.

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