As Young as You Feel Page #8

Just name the day, and I'll be there.

- All you had to do

was tell that Mr. Gallagher...

- I didn't tell him anything.

He just said, "Joe, Erickson's nuttier than a

fruitcake. How'd you like to be my assistant?"

- Congratulations, my boy.

- Thank you.

You're on your way.

Someday, if you're not careful,

you may even be a Mr. McKinley.

- Yes, sir.

- However, don't forget one thing.

There's more in life than mere success.

Or, rather, you should make up your mind

what you mean by "success."

Remember, it's not just having a job.

It's not just making money.

- It isn't?

- It has nothing to do with those things.

It's what a man gets

out of his work that matters.

Are you doing something you like?

Are you aware of the essential dignity of

what you're doing with your hands, your mind?

Well, l...

There's a stewardship of responsibility

that one of your generation...

- [Doorbell Buzzes]

- Yeah, well, there's the beer.

- What beer?

- The beer I ordered

to celebrate our engagement.

- A case. A whole case.

- Wait. Maybe it's the police.

The police?

Oh, my goodness. I'll go.

Yes?

Does, uh,

a Mr. John Hodges live here?

- Who's calling, please?

- Mrs. Louis McKinley.

- McKinley? I'm sorry.

He's gone to the country...

- Alice, let Mrs. McKinley in.

- You're... You're...

- John Hodges. I dyed my whiskers.

You must excuse

my granddaughter's behavior...

but we were expecting the police,

so naturally she was suspicious.

This is the rest of my family...

my son George, my daughter-in-law.

- Hello.

- And Mr. Elliott, who thought

you were a case of beer.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

- Uh, may I see you for a moment, alone?

- Certainly.

- Come into my bedroom.

- Thank you.

- [Whispering] His bedroom?

- So what?

After what's been going on

in the house for the last 24 hours...

you gonna draw the line at a bedroom?

No, please. Don't turn on

the lights. Not yet.

It's a little compromising, isn't it,

not having the lights on?

Well, l... I'd like to

feel a little compromised.

I'm leaving my husband.

Really? May I ask why?

L...

Well, l...

- I told him I was in love with you.

- With me?

But that's ridiculous.

You've only seen me once.

That doesn't matter.

I know you for what you are...

a gallant and wonderful man who

respects me and acts like a gentleman...

even if you are what

my husband said you are... a phony.

- Did your husband say that?

- Oh, he said some terrible things about you.

He said you're an impostor,

and he's going to put you in jail.

But I don't care. I'll stand by you.

I'll even go to court and testify for you.

- And you can testify for me.

- Mrs. McKinley, I'm going to

turn on the lights.

Oh, no, please. Not yet.

Yes, Mrs. McKinley, now.

Immediately.

Though I may be everything your husband says

I am and everything you believe me to be...

I am emphatically not

a correspondent in a divorce suit.

- Do I make myself clear?

- Then last night was just last night?

Mrs. McKinley,

you're a very handsome woman.

You dance extremely well.

You also have a gift

for summing up a situation.

Last night was simply last night.

I'm sorry

if my bluntness offends you...

but I assure you I have no intention of

coming between any man and his wife.

Especially one as impulsive as you are.

- Perhaps if I were 30 years younger...

- No, please.

Don't blame yourself.

I understand, and I deserve this.

I guess I'm just a silly woman

who's made quite a fool of herself.

Though it pains me

to say so, you are.

My husband and I have been married

for 20 years, and this is my first infidelity.

You don't say.

He married me because I was society,

and I married him for his money.

Not that I couldn't have fallen in love

with him. He's not bad-looking, you know.

- On the contrary.

- He has a certain vibrance.

I'd say he's full of vibrance.

Sometimes there's something

almost exciting about him...

only he's not in love with me.

How can you be so sure?

At first I thought

he might be in love with me.

He used to kiss me with all

the tenderness of a... of a...

A wild stallion?

Then after a while,

he never kissed me at all.

Life was just a succession of fur coats

and invitations to dinner.

That's all I've been...

an invitation to dinner.

Mrs. McKinley, I think you're

in love with your husband.

Me?

I have an idea that if you were

to kiss him once, just once...

with all the tenderness

of a... of a...

Wild mare?

Mrs. McKinley, I think we both need

some coffee. Let's get out of here.

I knew this'd come in handy.

Here. Hang on to that.

- Serviette?

- [Doorbell Buzzes]

- The beer!

- I'll get it.

Yes?

My name is Harold P. Cleveland.

I'm looking for Mr. John Hodges.

- They're here.

- Who?

Some man who says

he's Harold P. Cleveland.

- The one with the black beard?

- That was Grandpa.

Here. I'll handle this.

You got a warrant?

- No.

- Nobody gets in here without a warrant.

Who is it now?

Some flatfoot pretending

he's Harold P. Cleveland.

Who does he think he's fooling?

Harold P. Cleveland wouldn't be coming

here personally to make the arrest.

Good evening, sir.

You were looking for me?

- You'reJohn Hodges?

- I am.

- I'm Harold P. Cleveland.

- How do you do, Mr. Cleveland?

Won't you come in?

Thank you.

Mr. Cleveland, meet my son George,

my daughter-in-law Della...

Mrs. McKinley, my granddaughter Alice,

and her fianc Mr. Elliott.

- We're celebrating their betrothal.

- Oh. Congratulations.

- Take Mr. Cleveland's hat, Alice.

- I can only stay a moment.

You're not Harold P. Cleveland.

You can't fool us.

But I am. If you don't believe me,

my chauffeur is outside. Ask him.

- How do we know he's your chauffeur?

- I don't carry much in my wallet.

But here.

Sorry I haven't my fingerprints.

Uh, what is it you want,

Mr. Cleveland?

I just wanted to meet Mr. Hodges,

that's all. I'd like an explanation.

- I think I deserve an explanation.

- I agree. Step in here.

You put Consolidated Motors

in a highly ridiculous position

with this escapade of yours.

And while I'm told that technically

you've committed no crime...

I'd still like to know why you did it.

- Did I hear you say that

I'd committed no crime?

- That's what our lawyers say.

And from the fees they get,

they ought to know.

Well, well.

This is a pleasant surprise.

My son here was sure

that I'd go to jail for five years.

Imagine that, George.

No crime.

What do you know? He really is

the president of Consolidated Motors.

- He is?

- There's no doubt about it.

Is that so? [Giggles]

My, what a crazy evening this has been.

First my daughter gets engaged...

and then the president

of Consolidated Motors drops in.

Joseph, get the president

of Consolidated Motors a chair.

I declare. Nobody's gonna

believe me when I tell them.

They're gonna laugh right in my face.

Somebody give him

a piece of cake... Oh.

It's a Lady Anne chocolate surprise.

- Well, uh, no, thank you.

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