As Young as You Feel Page #7

- We'll take a look around.

- If we find out anything,

we'll let you know.

- [Continues Ranting]

- Meanwhile, you get any ideas yourself...

- Live in a palace.

Oh, boy, will I laugh

right in her face. Huh!

I've gotta see Mr. McKinley.

It's a matter of life and death.

- What's the name?

- Mr. Erickson of the personnel department.

- Personnel. Mr. Gallagher's department?

- That's right. Please hurry.

- Mr. McKinley is very busy.

- Mr. McKinley would rather have

things go along as usual, Miss.

Mr. Erickson of the personnel department

to see you, Mr. McKinley.

Who the devil is Mr. Erickson?

I assure you, I haven't the faintest idea,

only he says it's urgent.

Oh, he does, does he?

Really, Mr. McKinley, I'm only trying to...

Okay, okay, send him in!

Why not? The more the merrier.

Well?

I believe the man who was here posing

as the president of Consolidated Motors...

was really an impostor.

- How would you like to be fired?

- Sir?

Listen, you half-wit, if you breathe another

word of what you just said to a single soul...

I'll have you thrown out of here

on those pencil-striped pants!

- I have the man's file! His picture!

- Get out, before I brain you!

- Wait a minute! Give me that file!

- Yes, sir.

- Mr. McKinley, control yourself.

- Go fry an egg!

Well!

Oh. Thank you. Don't do anything until

you hear further from me. Good-bye.

- Kleinbaum says the man works

right there in the plant.

- The police been notified?

Wait. You want to

break this thing wide open?

But you can't let a thief,

a confidence man...

go around professing to be

president of Consolidated Motors.

Keep your shirt on. Nobody

suffered any great damages. In fact...

Get a load of this!

Straight from union headquarters.

"Since Mr. Cleveland has shown

a willingness to see labor's point of view...

"and since the United Automobile Workers

are as eager as Mr. Cleveland...

"to maintain the nation's

economic strength...

"we hereby pledge ourselves to

arbitrate all current differences...

in the same spirit of this speech."

How do you like that?

Why, this is the most ridiculous position

the company's ever been in.

- Looks like we're saddled

with that fool's speech.

- That's right.

If we deny it now, we'll be accused of

trifling with the future prosperity of America.

As a matter of fact,

in view of the sharp market rise...

I'm not sure that those of us who have

bought Consolidated Motors stock recently...

wouldn't end up in jail.

Gentlemen, my advice is to emulate that

estimable creature of the sea, the clam...

and say absolutely nothing.

I still say there's something screwy

about a simple little printer...

pulling a trick like this.

That's possible. But if so,

let's just hope he gets away with it.

Have my car here at 6:00, and phone my

home and say I won't be there for dinner.

That's all, gentlemen.

Just wait till you get a load of...

What the devil is this?

The suitcase I bought 12 years ago...

when we were supposed to

take that trip to Europe.

- What's it doing here?

- I'm going away.

You got a fool notion like that,

get it out of your head

because I got news for you.

And get a good hold on the bed,

because when you faint I don't

want you banging your head.

What would you say if I told you

we had a phony to dinner last night?

- A what?

- A phony.

That bird's no more president of

Consolidated Motors than I am.

He's a crook, an impostor.

But I'll send him to jail if it's the last

thing I do. Here's a whole record on him.

Just look for yourself.

- Who is he?

- A printer.

In my own handpress department.

John Hodges.

How do you like that?

I think it's wonderful.

- What?

- I said, I think it's wonderful.

Look, I'm in no mood for jokes. Now, unpack

that suitcase and come down to dinner.

But I won't be here for dinner.

I'm leaving.

Now, listen, just because some

$62-a-week printer in my

own factory dances the rumba...

Last night he made me realize

just how empty my life has been.

[Sobbing]

Stop crying.

You know I can't stand tears.

Well, at least tell me,

what have I done?

You've killed my life for me.

You've never loved me,

not for one moment.

- I'm 40 years old,

- Forty-three!

And I just can't go on being

treated like a stick of furniture.

I've as much right to love

as anybody, even if I am 40...

What you said.

Have you really been

so miserable, Lucille?

I'm sorry if I've made life so unbearable

for you. I didn't know I was doing it.

Well, it's not all your fault, Louis.

You can't help being what you are.

But you are what you are,

and I can't stand it any longer.

Who's going to tell Willie?

I'll tell him.

This is a terrible thing that we're doing.

I don't like divorce. I was brought up

not to believe in divorce.

We were married in a church, and there's

something unholy about a divorce.

- I wish you'd weigh

this decision carefully.

- [Sobs]

- Willie.

- Hello, Mom. I'm starved.

Yes, dear, I know.

Willie, I have a shock for you.

But I think you're old enough

and sensitive enough to understand.

Sure. What is it?

Your father and I,

we're... we're separating.

We're getting a divorce!

Divorce?

- Is it a very big shock to you, dear?

- Is it a shock?

Boy, is that some question.

Of course it's a shock.

Naturally it's a shock.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to shock you.

But I thought it would be better

if I came straight out and told you.

- Here, sit down, darling. Please.

- I don't want to.

I don't feel like sitting down.

- You're angry with me.

- I'm not angry. I'm just upset, that's all.

What's so surprising about being upset?

You'd be upset too,

under the circumstances.

I didn't mean to upset you.

Actually, I'm quite upset myself.

I feel terrible,

right here in my stomach.

- You're not going to be sick?

- I don't know.

I must have some kind of

psychosomatic disorder.

- It hits me right here in my stomach.

- Oh, dear.

I don't know what to say.

I've never felt so miserable

in my whole life.

- I'm going away.

- Where?

I don't know.

To my family in Maryland, I suppose.

Of course, they'll be furious.

They'll want me to come back

and apologize to your father.

But l... I just couldn't do that.

Oh.

Good-bye, dear.

Go take some aromatic spirits of ammonia.

Then lie down flat.

- Where's your mother?

- Gone.

- Gone where?

- To Maryland. I feel sick.

I'm sick to my stomach.

- I got no time for you. I gotta stop her.

- That's a fine thing to say.

My mother says, "Don't get sick, but

your father and I are getting a divorce."

- Then my father says...

- All right, all right.

Take some soda water. I'll head her off

at the railroad station.

- If she comes back, don't

let her out of the house.

- [Door Slams]

I think I'm gonna be sick

all over the place.

That'll show 'em.

Alice! Alice, I got it! I got it!

- Got what?

- The job. The promotion.

Oh, Joe, that's wonderful!

Now can we get married?

You said it.

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