Ashens and the Quest for the Gamechild Page #2

That's very cryptic, Stu, but not very helpful.

The Game Child is a rip-off of the first popular handheld games console.

It was the first of its type, and to my knowledge, the only one.

It was released around 1989, but only put out in very small numbers.

But aren't those rip-off games everywhere?

Usually.

Do you really want to know?

Ok, I'll start from the beginning.

It was a different, more simple time.

You have to remember, these were the very early days of handheld consoles.

We knew that the Game Child was being released, but nobody knew where.

However, my sources gave me a lead.

Oh hey! Mashens!

Stashens!

Gashens!

Fashens!

Yes, I get it, Nemesis! God, you're a right pain in the arse!

A right pain in your mum's arse!

Guess where I'm going?

Don't care.

Guess.

Don't care.

Guess!

Still don't care.

Guess!!!

Your weekly rectal exam.

No! That's Thursday!

I'm going to go buy the only Game Child in Norwich!

Oh, that's where you're going, isn't it Stuart?

You thought you were the only one who knew.

Yeah well you're not getting this one first, you little git!

Hey, Nemesis!

It's 'Nee Mah Si' you idiot!

Hey! Stuart, Stuart, Stuart!

Where are you going?

Sorry Geoff, I'm in the middle of something.

Wait, do you want to try some of this, it's my own recipe?

It's a Pakistani and Italian blend.

Oh, no time! No time!

Can I come with you?

Not this time.

Stuart!

That's it. That little prat got the Game Child, and I didn't.

Wow... And in all that time, you've not be able to come across another Game Child?

No, I haven't.

But I thought you were some sort of super collector of collectibles...

Well it doesn't mean I can magic one out of thin air, does it?!

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay.

Look, there is more to the story than that.

There was a total recall on the product.

Turned out it was frying kids eyes, and burning their fingers.

Oh, God!

Only two hundred were sold, and do you want to know the weird thing?

The company refunded more money than they were actually sold for.

Even Nemesis handed his in.

And it was the Terrifically Good Company... Your Terrifically Good Company, who issued the refunds.

There's nothing 'terrific' or 'good' about them, Stuart.

I've heard rumours that there's one still out there, but I've never been able to track it down.

So there's a Game Child out there?

Maybe. I don't know.

Come on, you've got to be a bit curious, right?!

I mean, look at all this stuff!

You've got to be the best collector of collectibles.

I'm sure you can find it.

We could find it. It could be our quest!

Our what?

A quest, you know, a long arduous search for something,

a kind of journey, to an ultimate goal.

I know what a quest is, Doctor Thesaurus!

But I'm not interested in going on one.

Come on, it could be fun!

Come on!

No.

I'm tired now.

You can sleep in the back room.

Stuart.

Woah!

Bloody Hell!

Now then, Stuart. I'm gonna tell you something.

Y'see this door, here?

You're gonna have a ball of a time.

Bloody sofa is talking to me again!

What the?

Argh! I'm no good at dodging these!

Only the cool kids were allowed to be in goal!

Oh, come on! This is unlikely at best!

Oh great! Electricity.

Woah...

Sorry, what was that? I can't quite hear you.

Do what? Could you speak up a bit?

I said find the Game Child! You deaf git!

Oh, right! Find the Game Child.

Find the Game Child! It is your destiny.

But where do I find it?!

You know what you have to do.

A little help would be good.

Figure it out yourself, you lazy bastard!

Oh, ow!

That's starting to hurt now!

Oh right, That's getting very painful now!!!

Argh!!!

Well that was bloody obvious, wasn't it?!

There's nothing worse than a preachy claymation!

Morning, Stu.

Whatcha doing?

I'm going on a trip.

Where?

To find the Game Child.

A quest!

It's not a quest!

Okay, fine! Where do we begin?

Not 'we', 'me'.

But it was my idea!

Yeah, well I work alone!

Ooh I work alone!

That's stupid!

No it's not. You're stupid.

You see?

You say I haven't changed! You haven't changed either.

Ooh, Mr. Secretive! "Oh don't touch my things!"

"Everything's so precious!"

Would it really kill you to let me join you?

Okay, you can come, but don't slow me down, yeah?

Oh great! Oh, this is going to be so good!

This is going to be amazing!

What are you wearing?!

Well... Well you know... Uh...

There's a time and place...

You know I l- It's one of- You know what it's like- You never been-

It keeps me warm!!!

Go and get ready! And change out of that!

Hi, Ashens!

Hey, fella, I'm Richard.

It's nice to meet you! I'm Chef Excellence!

Fair enough...

Well, it looks like we're going on another mission.

Well, I am.

Great! What are we tracking down?!

Sorry, Richard. I'm doing this one alone.

Well, Geoff here is going to tag along.

W-w-why can't I go?!

Because you've let me down too many times!

I'm sorry, Stuart, I'll make it up to you!

Maybe next time, eh?

Sorry, buddy.

So, where are we heading, Stuart?

To see my old professor from uni, and he is not going to be happy to see me.

Why?

It's complicated.

That's not very helpful, Stuart, what happened?

I left his research team in the middle of a big project.

Why?

It was to do with my girlfriend at the time.

Alright?

Hey, Stu, let me handle this.

A true Chef is a master of all communication.

You alright there, my good man?

Let me handle this.

I didn't know you could speak Klingon.

Go and find us somewhere to sit, yeah?

'Scuse me.

Pint of whatever's cheapest, please.

Hi.

Hello.

So, uhh... Nice spoon you've got there.

I'm trying to bend it, with my mind!

You try.

Oh, no, I'm alright, mate.

Do not try to bend the spoon.

But you said to bend the spoon.

To bend the spoon is impossible. Only try to realise the truth.

That there is no spoon.

There is a spoon, you just gave it to me. I've got it right here.

The spoon only exists in your mind!

No, it exists in my hand! Look!

Physically real spoon.

It does not exist!

Right!

Peanuts on the spoon!

Peanuts are real.

But the spoon? No, sir.

Yes! So what, are they floating in the air?

No...

Are they floaty-peanuts?

It's a bloody spoon! It's in my hand

It's not real!

This is clearly a spoon, look!

It's not real!

Spoon! Spoon! Spoon!

Lalalalalalala!

There!

See?!

Cheers.

I wish people would stop doing that to me.

So, what was that about over there?

Don't know, just some guy who's really confused about the existence of cutlery.

Ah...

So, how can this professor help us on our quest?

He's the most brilliant man I've ever known.

And he's as obsessed with the Game Child as I am.

Oh.

Ready?

Stay here, yeah?

Oh w-w-wait.

Let me come with you, Stu.

Come on, don't leave me out here.

Not with...

Spoon Boy...

I mean, look at him!

No, it's better that I go alone.

Grab yourself a pint of something.

Stuart Ashen.

Professor.

It's been a while.

You've got a nerve, showing up here.

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