Ashens and the Quest for the Gamechild Page #3

Well I'm here, so surely we can forget about all that.

You ruined me, Ashens!

I ruined you?! You're the one who had sex with my girlfriend!

You're still upset about that?! That was years ago!

You hold a grudge, don't you?!

She was just using me, if that's any consolation!

No, it isn't!

You were my lecturer, and you slept with the only girl I ever cared about!

Okay, okay, point taken!

You didn't have to tell the vice-chancellor!

Not this again! I didn't tell anybody!

Everything fell apart after you left.

A year later I was thrown out of the university.

So what do you want, Stuart?!

Yes!

Another!

You're not still looking for the Game Child, after all these years?!

Do you know where it is?

I might.

But, you'd have to prove yourself worthy of this quest!

It's not a quest, I'm just looking for an old video game system!

That was always one of your failings. You could never see the big picture.

What do I have to do?

You must pass the test.

What is this test?

You must beat me at the most intensive game of skill and wits ever devised by the human mind.

Space Attack!

Is that all?

I'll have you know I am a very formidable opponent!

Yeah.

And I was Norfolk Space Attack Champion 1985, 1986, 87, and 89.

88 was cancelled, due to illness.

You can do it! You can do it!

The spoon doesn't exist!

It doesn't exist! It's not real!

You can bend it with your mind!

Do it!

Push yourself! Bend the spoon!

Come on! Come on!

Yes!

One-Nil to me!

Boom!

Hah!

Oh, sod this!

Where's the Game Child?!

Ow! Stop it!

Tell me.

Ow!

Yes! Yes!

Oh my God!

What's that?

What am I looking at, where?!

Yes!!!

The spoon doesn't exist!

It doesn't exist!

I told you all!

I know.

I know!

D*cks!

Tell me!

Tell me!

Alright, alright! I'll tell you!

You and your bloody quest!

It's not a quest!

Look, I don't know where the Game Child is.

But!

I can help you, on your journey.

First, you must find the Oracle.

That's the best you can do?!

Oh, and there's this.

Abadgh...

Is that a place in Wales?

I've never followed it up.

Why couldn't you have just told me this in the first place.

Uhh... Just a bit lonely back here.

Do you uhh... Do you ever see her?

Who?

Your ex. Ashley.

No, I haven't seen her since she dumped me.

Why?

As I said, very lonely.

You know, I've never really apologised to you for what I did.

No, you didn't.

No, I didn't.

And you still haven't.

Oh right...

Look, Stuart...

I really am sorry, I hope you can forgive me.

It's been good to see you again, professor.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Stuart?

Stuart!

Stuart! Hey!

I bent a spoon!

With my frickin' mind, man!

Good for you-

With my mind!

Good for you.

Now, let's go. Put your hand around here...

You should have took me with you.

Get off the chair, come on.

I could have helped!

You're almost as bad as Richard!

Who?!

Who's Richard?!

Hi there.

My name, of course, is Chef Brilliance!

And everything I make is, well, brilliant.

I'm here to tell you about my brand new food for kiddies.

Made by me, Chef Brilliance.

Now just take a look at what you've been putting into your kids mouths.

Eurgh.

Now, did you know, that the more colourful your food is, the better it is?

And all I have to do, is sprinkle a little bit of brilliance on it.

That's why my brand new range only comes in colour.

And that's what we, at the Terrifically Good Company, call Terrifically Good Food.

Chef Brilliance's almost lasagne-like food products.

Only in colour.

What's the matter?

I don't want to talk about it.

That's fine, I respect your privacy.

Get off my back, man!

Shut up, and listen.

I miss my job.

What happened?

I thought they were encouraging kids to eat more healthily,

but then one night I was working late, and I wandered into the lab.

One of the things I loved most about my job was that I was helping kids,

and I thought all the foods being made were all natural, and organic,

but I learned otherwise.

What I saw in the lab...

What I saw...

It was unspeakable!

I confronted them the next day, and they fired me on the spot.

That's when they replaced me with...

That's when they replaced me with Chef Brilliance!

He's taken everything from me.

Everything!

I'd do anything to get my job back!

There, there. Everything is going to be fine.

Thanks, Stuart. You know, you're a really good friend.

So, anyway...

Yeah.

Who's the Oracle?

I don't know. That's what I'm trying to work out.

"The answer is more obvious than you think"...

What does that mean?

What is it?

Come on. Let's go.

Oh, it's Ashens again.

Hello, Stuart?

Hello? Hello?!

Ashens, you're arse-dialling me!

Oh, that is so annoying!

Now, where was I, he's totally interrupted my creative flow.

Don't look behind us, I think we're being followed.

Why are you wearing orange?!

It's the only one they had at the store.

I told you do wear black!

Who would be following us?

A right pain in my arse.

On the count of three, we make a run for it.

Wait, one, two and three?

Or, one, two... and-

Just run!

I can't run, I've got asthma!

Who was that?!

I'll tell you later. Let's go.

Stuart? Stuart.

Where are we?

It'd be nice to be included once in a while.

Read this.

"The Oracle Computer"... What is it?

It's something that just happens to be in this very building.

What is this place?

It's a library.

A library?! Wow!

Stuart.

Hi, Marian.

It's been a while.

Yeah... Yeah, sorry about that... I've been busy.

Hmm... Let me guess.

You've been busy with your "secret missions", that "must be undertaken alone."?

Or is it "I'm an island!"? Or... I've got one for you...

"I'm too stupid to know when I've got a really good thing going on!"?

Uh, yeah... Something like that.

This is Geoff.

Have you met Geoff?

Hello!

Hello Geoff.

This is really awkward!

Marian, I said I'm sorry.

Is there any chance we can get back into the archives?

Not a chance!

You know you're not allowed back there.

Please?

Plus, they've just installed a new security system.

It'd be the last time. I promise.

Why do you keep coming back here, Stuart?

Yeah! Why do you keep on coming back here?!

I don't understand you.

Fine, but don't let anyone see you.

Thanks Marian, I owe you one.

You owe me more than one!

Stuart, what was all that about?

It's a long story.

What's with all the big secrets?!

Look, we went out on a couple of dates, but you know, my life's very complicated so umm...

Stuart, life is only as complicated as you make it.

Yes... Thanks Socrates!

Come on.

You know, Stuart, I really like it back here.

Yeah, I like to think of it as the bowels of the library.

This would be the lower intestine.

Ah, well if this is the lower intestine, what does that make us?

Euuuurgh!

Let's go.

I have no memory of this place!!!

Oh, we're not lost are we?!

Oh, no, it's just down here.

Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking then.

I don't know where we are.

Maybe we should follow this sign.

It's got to be through here somewhere.

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes