Ask Me Anything

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1

Oh, you

You

With those tongue

and lips

Let me taste

Your bitter kiss

Oh, you

You

With those seasoned eyes

Let me walk

Inside your smile

All my nerves

are tearing me down

Won't you just come over here

and take away this frown

'Cause I can't sleep

Tight

I don't see

Right

I won't feel

Right

Until you're mine

Mine

I can't sleep

Tight

I don't see

Right

I won't feel

Right

Until you're mine

Mine

Oh, you

You

Just walk away

Walk away

Before I break down

and cave

Oh, you

You

It's just not fair

How you kill me

with just one stare

All my nerves

are tearing me down

Won't you just come over here

and lick away this frown

'Cause I can't sleep

Tight

I don't see

Right

I won't feel

Right

Until you're mine

Mine

I can't sleep

Tight

I don't see

Right

I won't feel

Right

Until you're mine

Mine

Can't sleep tight

Don't see right

Won't feel fine

Until you're mine

Can't sleep tight

Can't sleep tight

Don't see right

Don't see right

Won't feel fine

Won't feel fine

Until you're mine

Until you're mine

Can't sleep tight

Can't sleep tight

Don't see right

Don't see right

Won't feel fine

Won't feel fine

Until you're mine

Until you're mine

Can't sleep tight

Don't see right

Be mine, baby

Won't feel fine

Be mine, baby

Until you're mine

Until you're mine

Can't sleep tight

Don't see right

Until you're mine

When I decided at the last minute

to take a year off

before college,

I told my mom it was

because I had no idea

what I wanted to do

with my life.

She pretended she didn't want

to strangle me.

But sweetie, that's the whole

point of college:

Is to figure out

what you want to do,

to find out what you're good at,

to discover your bliss.

But what if I don't discover it

until junior year,

and it has nothing to do with

the classes I've already taken?

I'd have to start over.

Or what if my bliss is something

I don't even need college for?

I'm not going to lie to you, Katie.

I'm concerned.

Why? Tons of kids defer.

You're not tons of kids.

You're one complicated girl

who's been through a lot.

You need structure.

Are you saying that college

is the only place

that I can get structure?

Because if so, Miss Matsuo...

Katie.

I'm serious.

Here's something.

Why don't you start a diary.

Or a blog?

Why?

It's a daily time commitment.

It'll keep your

verbal skills sharp.

And it'll force you

to be introspective.

What a wonderful idea.

I was just lying

to escape her vegan breath.

At least that's what I thought

at the time.

But I guess not.

What the f***?

Here I am blogging.

Anyway, I'm going to start

by telling you a secret,

something I've never

told anyone.

The real reason I'm taking

a year off is because of a guy,

an older one.

A man.

And he's the most amazing...

Sh*t, got to go.

You don't know

what I'm gonna do

Or what I see in you

You're obsessed

With my little red dress

Boo!

But you don't care

if I'm a mess, now do you?

Boo!

Do you?

Do you?

Do you?

Boo!

You're late.

You noticed.

Dan and I have one strict rule:

We don't talk

about his girlfriend...

or my boyfriend.

Dan teaches film at a really

good community college,

so we only watch serious cinema.

I feel smarter

just being around him.

One of the best things

about my year off

is that I get to continue

my education.

He never asks

for anything in return.

He just wants me to relax

and enjoy it.

Dad?

You always hold back in the end.

I'm sorry.

It's your loss.

Have, uh... I got some news.

I'm, uh, moving closer

to campus.

Why?

Look at this dump.

It's ridiculous.

Looks like I'm still

in grad school.

Well, did you already

find a place?

Yeah. It's great.

And they'll let me move in

on the 15th

Well, where is it?

It's like a half-hour away.

We're not going

to see each other again.

Of course we will.

Come on, don't be so

melodramatic.

No, you're not going to want

to come pick me up

and then drive me to your place,

and then back to mine

a few hours later.

That's like two hours

in the car.

And someone might see us.

Come on, you know I'm right.

If my dad would just

buy me that car he promised me,

then I could...

I could come see you...

Listen, listen, listen, listen.

We're going

to work it out, okay?

We'll work it out.

I promise you.

Come on.

Sh*t.

I'd never touched him before.

I was always too scared.

He came so hard.

He'll definitely call me

after he moves.

So don't you think it's

time to stop loafing and get a job?

I'm not loafing, I'm blogging.

Since when?

Last week.

What's your blog called?

Not telling.

And you won't find out,

because I use a fake name

and I'm changing lots

of little details of my life.

Why?

Because if there was even

a one in googol chance

of anyone figuring out

it was me,

then I wouldn't tell the truth.

And what's the point

of having a blog

if you're just going to lie?

Hey, babe.

Why do you call her that?

She's 46.

What is on the agenda

for today, hmm?

TV? Internet?

Maybe a good, long nap?

I'm getting a job.

The grill or the fryer?

Ha-ha.

Neither.

Something stimulating

that pays extremely well.

This may come as a shock to you,

kiddo,

but the economy

is in the toilet.

There's 20 applicants

for every job.

You underestimate

my powers, Earthling.

Today, a reader sent me one

of those annoying self quizzes,

which are just a sad excuse

to talk about yourself.

What's your favourite number?

69.

Sometimes 96.

Have you ever kissed someone

and regretted it?

Yes. Tom Lovelace,

who was 16 when I was 11.

My fist tongue kiss.

It felt like a worm.

I want it all to end

Being loved by you

Hold me now

Make it stop

The butterflies

won't go away

Do you believe in the horoscope?

No. Sagittarians never do.

I am lost

Make me found

Stop right there!

Don't even put it up.

Have I got the girl for you?

Is that so?

Come in.

What happened to Jonas?

I bought him out,

lock stock and barrel.

You have so many more books.

I used to buy my dad

his birthday and

Christmas presents here.

He's a sports writer.

Well, he used to be.

Now he just drinks.

Sam Johnson's Book Shop.

Nice to meet you, Sam.

No, I'm not Sam.

He died a long time ago.

Dr. Samuel Johnson wrote the

first great English dictionary.

Is he your hero?

Among many.

Are you a lover of books?

I could be.

Glenn Warburg.

Katie Kampenfelt.

Three days a week, $12 an hour.

Wow!

And it's butt-easy.

All I have to do

is help customers

while Glenn runs

the online business.

Sweetie, I got to hand it

to you, that was fast.

You did it.

Yup, I am indeed impressive.

Does Glenn have a last name?

Warburg.

Is he married?

Why? You think

he only hired me

so he could have

sexual intercourse with me?

It crossed my mind.

Your moustache is heinous.

I've only been blogging

for 16 days,

but I already get between 450

and 500 discreet visitors a day.

The most popular search terms

that people use to find me

are "high school," "college,"

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