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Assassination of a High School President Page #7
pull one over on old Ben Striedel?
Did you?
Because that's wholesale crazy, chief!
I have a 175 IQ
That means I skipped the third grade
You don't understand, Striedel.
l was framed.
The school treasurer is moving
money around to sell drugs.
That's rich Now you're going to
frame the treasurer?
What's the money got to do
with stolen SATs?
Nothing.
They're two completely separate things.
Let me give you a freebie, kid
Money's got something
to do with everything
That's Investigative Journalism 101
Follow the money, dipshit
You got till Monday to give me the truth
l'm gonna call a time out.
Time out?
That was good.
l-3.
lt's a hit! F***!
l told you putting it in there was a bad idea.
Really, Stinky Landy?
l put it where you wanna put it.
That's nice. ls it new?
No, it's my mom's.
Well, connect the dots.
l told you not to line up the ships like that.
lt's like Pearl Harbor.
Could you guys please
just use your library voices.
Sorry, l'm just trying to think.
You can't let Goltz get
one up on you, Funke.
That guy is an enormous vagina.
Connect the dots
Connect them, come here
What are you looking at, Funke?
Funke, where you go?
These four walls.
You just stay, bounce... Like a pinball.
That's it. You can't run.
Hey, hall monitor!
Francesca?
Francesca?
Francesca?
Mathematically, it's a percentage of your life
Four years, 48 months, 1, 461 days
High school is prom, football games,
boyfriends, girlfriends,
party at the rich kid's house
Fun, simple, wholesome
the least wholesome four years of your life
And there's nothing simple about it
High school is ugly, hard and complicated
As complicated as a conspiracy
to assassinate the president
A conspiracy about to be uncovered
Alex Schneider and the Mullen brothers
had been selling prescription drugs
The Mullens' dad was an orthopedist
with a habit of boning his patients
When he split with one of them,
the hip doctor left his family his van
and a box of prescription pads
The brothers made due
with their inheritance
But the Mullens weren't competent enough
Yo, sh*t biscuit!
These bottles aren't going to fill themselves.
Initially, the market for
academic performance enhancers
wasn't as ripe as they'd hoped
So like good businessmen,
they created a demand
They sabotaged tests throughout the school,
targeting the students
they knew would fold from the pressure
you can erase a kid's future
Supply and demand, son.
Business boomed
So much so that they started
dipping into student council funds
to use as venture capital
P Moore wasn't exactly Alan Greenspan,
but it didn't take
an economic genius to figure out
that hundreds of dollars
were being shifted around weekly
Paul told Marlon what he'd discovered,
said he was going to put the kibosh
on Alex's creative accounting
Marlon couldn't have that
Things were too good He had big plans
and the president was in the way
He needed Paul out of the picture
What's going on, guys?
Funke...
You just don't know when to quit, do you?
Guess not. Gum?
Changing the answers on the SATs
so you can sell more drugs.
lt's clever, Marlon.
Twisted, but clever nonetheless.
Should make for a great story.
Bad move, Funke.
Open that window and bring him over.
Okay, here's the real story.
Bobby Funke made a few bad decisions,
lost his girlfriend,
and up and jumped out the window.
Just another tormented freshman.
l'm a sophomore, dick!
Throw his ass out.
- You won't do it.
- l won't?
These sorts of things happen all the time.
There's a lot of pressure
here at St. Donovan's!
Throw him out!
Fine, l'll do it myself.
Hey! Let him go!
Put him down! Delicately.
How the hell did they know you were here?
l might have made an announcement.
Funke.
Bob Woodward once said
that the first rule of good journalism
before it goes to print
But Woodward wasn't in love
with Francesca Fachini
Before I cleared my name with the school,
I had to clear it with her
I had to tell her I'd figured it all out
Turns out, I hadn't
You played me, Francesca
You played Paul
You played the whole damn school.
Look out! Look out! Look out!
l need everybody to file out of this office.
Everybody except you five.
The five of you are in big f***ing trouble!
Stay right here, get out of my way!
You, too, bonehead.
You'll never understand why l did it.
Nobody's misunderstood, Francesca.
lt's just what people say
when they don't like who they are.
Bobby, wait.
Forget it, Funke. lt's high school.
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"Assassination of a High School President" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/assassination_of_a_high_school_president_3181>.
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