Asterix and Obelix: God Save Britannia

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ASTERIX & OBELIX

IN BRITAIN:

We've been through hard times.

We've often believed,

and then had to unbelieve.

Can you say that?

But today,

we're on an even keel.

Believe me,

we're going to recover our losses!

Ship to starboard!

Ship to starboard!

Up and at 'em!

What did I tell you?

Over here, my dears.

What the...

At your stations!

Raise the sails!

Get your oars out!

Hurry!

Too late.

Up and at 'em!

Can anyone tell me what that was?

This my friends, this majestic sight,

is the most powerful army

that's ever existed.

It carries Rome's name

to the frontiers of the known world.

At its head

is one man.

A supreme leader.

A warrior who conquered Helvetia,

drove back the Germans,

crushed the Gauls,

and who will now conquer an island

called Britannia.

Britain!

This conquest, my friends,

is not merely one more laurel

in Caesar's crown.

This conquest

is the gift of the Roman people

to Britain's natives.

A barbarian people

who dwell in ignorance,

to whom we will bring

the benefits of Western civilisation.

By golly, this is a jolly rum thing,

eh what?

I say, rather, old fruit.

Britain is inhabited

by a mysterious people

who have one very curious custom:

at five in the afternoon,

everything comes to a halt.

Push! Push!

Hold on.

Why do they do this, O Caesar?

To drink hot Water.

Hot water?

Their favourite beverage.

A cup of hot water?

Gladly. With a cloud of milk, please.

We shall attack the Britons

every day at five o'clock on the dot.

I promise you,

this will be our quickest victory ever!

I say, we should sound the alarm.

Wouldn't it be preferable to run?

Of course.

But a gentleman never runs.

No, not there.

Not there either.

Perfect.

Clear this away, please.

And send for Sir Jolitorax.

Yes, Your Majesty.

With his underhanded methods,

Mr. Caesar has almost annihilated

our army.

Behave, children.

But every remaining free man is here now

and we shall battle to the end.

All the same, Jolitorax,

I wonder

if we can hold out

against the Roman legions forever.

One village has managed this feat.

Really?

Yes. They say its inhabitants

have held out

thanks to a magic potion

that makes them invincible.

If Her Majesty allows,

I shall go and ask them

for help in person.

That's a jolly good idea, Jolitorax.

Where is this remarkable village?

Well?

In Gaul, Your Majesty.

You want to seek help from the Gauls?

Mightn't it be preferable

to be invaded?

Ok for the Gauls.

Jolly good luck, Jolitorax.

And all that sort of thing.

Goudurix...

It's time to wake up.

- Should we start?

- Start what?

- Bashing him around.

- Obelix...

Our leader Abraracourcix entrusted us

with his nephew Goudurix.

To make a man out of him!

It won't happen if we don't bash him.

Obelix, those old-fashioned methods

aren't for us.

Patience, psychology,

and a gentle guiding hand.

That's our method.

The lad will blossom into

a responsible man we can be proud of.

- So do we bash him or not?

- No.

Goudurix,

we wake up early in the country.

In Lutetia this is when I go to bed.

So get lost, bumpkins,

I won't move from this bed.

Obelix...

What? I used psychology.

I didn't bash him around.

He didn't want to move?

The bed moved.

- You guys are crazy!

- It isn't fun for us.

It's for your own good. Let's go.

I've got to get dressed

and do my hair first.

Goudurix, you've been in there

for two hours!

Should I use some more psychology?

Come on.

Your hair's just the same.

No way. Before it wasn't done.

This is the "undone done" look.

It takes a lot of work.

Ok, let's go to the forest.

Exercise No. 1:

"How to whip Romans."

What?

Violence is for the weak.

What did you say?

Sorry, Asterix, I lost control.

It's only human.

And at least

it didn't mess up your hair!

- You guys are crazy!

- No.

Come on, follow us.

With a little luck, We'll find a patrol.

There aren't many Romans left,

they're all in Britain...

Where'd he go?

I'm lucky to live in Lutetia.

But I needed a change of scenery

so I came to the country.

I think it'll help my songwriting.

I'm a bard.

Hey, you just gave me an idea!

Really?

I'll build ye a dolmen

Where love will reign

Where love is everything

And you'll be my queen...

How pretty!

That's because you inspired it.

Excuse me,

you're not here to court pretty girls

but to become a man.

Hey, morons,

a man isn't necessarily

a thick-headed brute.

A man can be someone sensitive

who can say "I love you",

who's not afraid to cry.

Oh, how true!

So if you'd kindly blow off, peasants.

No, let me.

I say. I believe I've found

the right place.

You've travelled far, British friend.

What can I offer you?

Wild boar? A beer?

A cup of hot water, please.

Is that all?

With a cloud of milk. Thank you.

Asterix, Obelix,

meet Jolitorax.

He's just arrived from Britain

to seek our help

against the Roman invader.

Hullo.

Please, shake me by the hand.

- Obelix!

- Obelix, behave!

- He said to shake him.

- He's a Brit. They talk different.

Are you ok?

Jolly good show.

What strength!

I suppose it's the magic potion?

Obelix fell in it as a baby.

Not again...

I:

with that strength,

we'd easily beat the Romans, eh what!

- Why do you keep saying "what"?

- Say what's what?

I asked Panoramix

to prepare some magic potion.

That's a lot of potion.

That is why you and Obelix

will escort him.

It mustn't fall into enemy hands.

We're going to Britain!

There'll be brand new Romans.

And to be honest,

I won't miss your nephew.

Goudurix is coming with us.

With Idefix, there won't be room!

It's the opportunity

to perfect his education.

No...

Chief?

He said no.

He says you're too little.

It's too far and there's no room.

He'd rather we take that imbecile...

We'll be back soon.

We give them the barrel: hello, goodbye.

And that's it.

You won't miss much.

Yes, there'll be lots of Romans.

But you know,

Romans are like oysters,

too many make you sick.

Be good.

Watch over the house.

I'm counting on you.

I didn't join the legion for this.

I joined to serve Rome,

not arrest illegal alienus all clay long.

Caesar said:
for the empire's stability,

migratory flows must be controlled.

And what does that mean?

It means, uh...

Look, orders are orders. Don't argue.

Caught red-handed!

What?

Gauls can go to the beach.

I smell illegal alienus.

Let's check their ID.

- Count me out.

- What?

It's a bum rap.

To each his own sense of duty.

It's your conscience.

Roman legion, border control!

Show me your papyrus.

Here.

- That's the old model.

- Oh yeah?

The new ones are stone.

Impossible to forge.

There're too many fakes.

What's in the barrel?

The problem with Romans

is that they're overeager.

Talking about me?

Jolitorax,

it's time you tested the potion.

What's that?

One second, please.

I may lack a sense of duty,

but when it comes to survival...

- Well?

- They're holding out.

BY Jupiter!

My sapiens has its limits!

You mean your patience?

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