Asterix and Obelix: God Save Britannia Page #2

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No, my sapiens. Wisdom.

Don't you speak Latin?

I'm asking the Senate

for reinforcements.

Ave, Caesar!

A delegation of senators

is requesting an audience.

Extraordinary! I think of the Senate

and the Senate comes to me.

I'm popular with the gods!

Show them in

and prepare a little orgy.

They'll like that.

Ave,

honourable members of the Senate.

It is a privilege...

Ave, Caesar.

Senator Lucius Fouinus.

The Senate commissioned us

to audit your accounts.

To do what?

Audit your accounts. It's Latin.

It means...

I know what it means!

I've looked at your books.

They're not very clear.

Oh really?

For example...

This expense of 20,000 sesterces

for a round-trip journey

- Alexandria-Londinium -

by private galley.

Cleopatra came for the weekend.

Can't Cleopatra take a regular boat?

She is the Queen of Egypt.

Then why doesn't Egypt pay?

My men and I will examine this.

I hope no one will try to influence us.

I wouldn't dream of it.

The Senators' orgy is ready.

Should I call the girls?

What about our reinforcements?

Forgive me, O Great Caesar,

but I might have an idea.

I'm listening.

Why not use our secret funds

to hire mercenaries

to do our dirty work?

Supposing such "secret funds" existed...

Who do you have in mind?

The worst barbarians of all, Caesar.

The Normans.

A fearsome people from the North

where the snow never melts

and it's dark for six months.

These merciless warriors

who drink from their enemies' skulls

have one particularity...

they do not know fear!

What's your name?

Megacursus, O Noble Caesar,

to honour and serve you.

Well, Megacursus,

go find the Normans and hire them.

If you succeed in this mission,

you'll be a rich man.

And now let's enjoy that orgy.

- I despise waste.

- Me too?

No. You'll get an orgy-basket

for your trip.

Why did you

desert me

Why did you abandon me

Why did you ditch me...

I understand why.

Why is it all over

Why did you leave me...

You're giving me a headache.

- I'm expressing myself.

- I'll express a bashing!

Obelix, patience and psychology.

Goudurix, what do you want to be?

I want to be a bard.

But the old man wants me

to be a druid.

Druid is a fascinating profession.

Yeah right, 60 years of schooling.

No thanks.

What's a British hunk?

A tourist!

Don't take it personally.

It's because in Gaul

we say that the Brits are kind of...

I mean, you're not very...

What about you?

How do the Britons see us?

I say. We find you arrogant,

loudmouthed, lecherous,

cowardly, uncultivated...

and dirty.

Why did you forsake me...

Stop bleating like a lamb,

you'll never become a man.

What's a man in your book?

Two guys like you

who live together with a little dog?

I'll kill him.

We promised the chief

we'd bring him back safe and sound.

Calm down.

In Britain, two men living together

is quite common.

That's not the same thing.

I think there's

a little misunderstanding.

We don't live together,

we share lodgings.

It's more like we're roommates.

It's like co-workers

who have the same hours.

It's a question of practicality.

I never Would've left you

I never would've gone...

Bless you, Obelix.

It wasn't me.

Sorry.

I'm sorry to impose my presence on you

in your jolly-boat, noble travellers.

But I must reach Britain

and regular boat lines

don't like illegal alienus like me.

I say, he is original, eh what?

Don't worry,

when we land,

I'll depart and bother you no more.

You're no bother.

But why Britain, mister...?

Pindepis. My name is Pindepis.

I come from a poor,

distant land in the Ganges Valley.

They say you can get rich in Britain,

so I decided to try my luck.

What's that?

A plant from back home.

It grows all over.

I feel less lonely with it.

So please don't throw me overboard.

I can't swim!

I'm hungry.

Me too.

I say, I believe we have a message.

Your Majesty, a message from Jolitorax.

What does he say?

"Your Majesty, I have the pleasure

of informing you

"that the barrel

has reached British soil.

"Faithfully yours, Jolitorax."

Excellent news. Isn't it, dears?

Hey dudes, hiking isn't my thing.

- If you want to become a man...

- Drop it.

I say. A calm and peaceful spot

to have a bite to eat.

I hope they have wild boar.

JOLLY BOAR INN:

Hullo.

Hullo.

Would you like supper?

Yes, rather.

We'd like four orders of boar.

Of course. Go sit over there.

Hullo.

Is that their boar?

Doesn't look jolly to me.

It's a British delicacy:

boiled boar with mint sauce.

Delicious.

Why does it smell like fish?

Because we always boil it

with cod liver.

Otherwise it would have no taste.

Poor beast.

Ave.

We're looking for Gauls

who disembarked illegally.

Ave. Last name, first name,

profession and place of residence.

But of course.

We're British merchants

on a business trip.

My name is Jolitorax,

and this is Asterax.

Hullo.

Obelax...

- Hello.

- No. "Hullo".

- Hello.

- One second. "Hullo".

No, "hullo".

It's a short "u".

Hullo.

That's it.

And my nephew... Pain-in-the-ax.

The poor boy is mute.

Soldiers! Search the inn!

Enjoy your meal, Britons.

I don't know

how you can eat that stuff...

You Britons.

Nothing to report, sir.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Have a good journey.

By Toutatis!

In the name of Rome,

surrender, Gauls!

Bravo! Good job blending in.

It's not my fault.

Wild boar with cod liver is inhuman.

You're right, it's not your fault.

It never has been

and probably never will.

Are you trying to be nice?

You know what?

Even when you're around, I feel lonely.

I'm intellectually undernourished.

Come on, we get on.

No. I put up with you.

I knock myself out

for a walking calamity, a curse,

a natural disaster named Obelix.

And what do I get?

Nothing.

I sacrifice myself for nothing.

So you see, I'm fed up.

Frankly,

"two guys who live together

with a little dog" isn't for me.

What've you got against Idefix?

I need to meet someone.

Who?

Who knows! But it'll never happen

with you clinging to me.

What's his problem?

He has to meet someone

but he doesn't know who.

So of course he's irritable.

Caesar was very clear,

if you wipe out

the village of British rebels,

he'll shower you with gold.

Gold only brings luxury

and luxury weakens men's spirits.

Is that what you want, Roman?

To weaken us?

Not on my life, Grossebaf.

Only fear could tempt us

to travel to this country.

Fear?

Even the weakest nations know fear.

But not us!

Not us!

Yet we've tried everything.

We've carried out experiments...

Well?

Still more pain than fear.

We've tried to instil it

in our infants...

Without' success.

Fear escapes us.

By Odin, we want to know it!

We want to know it!

But why?

He asks why...

Everyone knows

that fear gives you wings, Roman!

And my warriors and I dream of flying.

Like birds.

Then you're in luck.

Britons are the most fearful people

in the world.

They are?

Yes, of course.

Every time you ask them a question,

they answer:

"I'm afraid that..." or "I fear that..."

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