At War with the Army Page #2

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Are you ready Ernie?

Not yet dear. I'll be right with you.

I've decided we can do without

another copy of this.

- That's our commanding officer.

- Which one?

Who in the company is that girl

married to?

I don't know dear . Shall we call the

detectives?

Now darling, don't get testy.

just happen to know that she's the tidiess little girl,

she works on the post, she has calcium deficiency,

...and she's expecting.

- Expecting?

- Yes, and don't ask me what she's expecting.

Where in the world did you uncover

all of this, Mrs. Shelock Holmes?

At the clinic yesterday.

I was there for my cold shot and

one of the nurses told me about her.

Say, I just remembered, there's

been a mix-up in the OD roster.

- I know.

- I may get it.

No you won't. Lt. Tourrey is stuck

as officer of the day.

- Are you sure?

- Yes.

Sally Pearson told me, that the adjutant's wife

told her, that the adjutant said so at noon.

Oh well, if Sally said so, that settles it.

How are you getting along with

Colonel Davis?

Well, that depends. How are you

getting along with Mrs. Davis?

That woman! She's so rank-

conscience.

How soon will you be ready to leave?

Why don't you go to the club and

wait. I have a lot of papers to sign.

-Can't someone else sign those?

- I'm the only one.

The United States Army has high

regard for my signature.

I wish The First National Bank did.

Where'd you get these clothes

Sergeant?

- Quarter master sir.

- Why didn't you get a shipping ticket

when you got these clothes?

I don't know sir. Maybe they weren't

paying attention when I drew the issue?

Then this is stolen goods.

No sir.

I think I'll have to have a look at

army regulations.

But Lt. Davenport, don't you trust me?

This is no way to run a business.

Carry on.

He's going to tell me how to run a

business.

He used to be a soda-jerk. He just

ran out of soda.

- I got to see the First Sergeant.

- Hi ya kid. I see you're still wearing your old hat.

You leave me alone. I got troubles.

In the army? You got troubles?

Yeah, and I gotta see the First

Sergeant right away! It's important.

Take it easy...

Don't tell me how to take it. I got to

get a three-day pass.

Last guy in the army that got a

three-day pass, was Sergeant York.

Yeah, well I don't care. I got to see

my wife. It's an emergency.

I've had emergencies, but could I

get a pass?

Bet you were never having a baby.

Kid, I've never even

had my appendics out.

- Corwin!

-Yes sir.

- Did you do those penalty tours?

-Yes Corporal.

- Did you report to the drill

Sergeant? - Yes Corporal.

- Did you report to the mess

Sergeant? - Yes Corporal.

Okay.

Boy, if I ever get overseas, the first

thing I'm gonna do is surrender.

Concentration camps have got to

be better than this.

What crumby coffee. Why I

wouldn't wash my......

Hey! It's here, the shipping order.

-Came while you were out.

-Now watch me get out of this hole.

- Hey Serg, I wanna....

- What do you want?

- Nothing. I just thought that maybe I....

- Get out of my way. Can't you see I'm busy?

Captain Caldwell, I've just seen the shipping

orders and I have just the man for you sir.

Good. Who is he?

Me! First Sergeant Victor

Puccinelli.

Don't be foolish Sergeant.

This call is only for Privates and PFC's. You'd

better make up your mind, you're staying here.

- I've seen.....

- I won't argue that point.

Now, about this shipment. We can't

be expected to cripple ourselves, so.....

....don't send anyone who is useful.

How about that kid that never

doesn anything right?

- You mean Corwin?

- That's the one.

He's right out here now sir.

Maybe Eisenhower can do

something with him.

Yes sir.

Corwin!

- I want to see you.

- I've been wanting to see you too Vic.

I wanted to know if....

Get you hands off my desk and call

me Sergeant.

- Can't you stand up?

- Yes Sergeant.

I just wanted to know if I could get a

three-day pass.

What'd you say?

I want to know if I can get a three-

day pass?

Did you get permission from your

platoon Sergeant to come in here?

No, Sergeant, but I....

How many times must I tell you that

in the army you gotta go through channels.

Yeah, but this is an emergency and

if I go through the section leader

and the platoon sergeant and you

and the C.O.and everbody else in channel, ...

...my kid will be old enough to be

drafted himself.

Very funny.

I can't be giving you a three-day

pass every week.

You just came off one.

That's not true. I haven't been on

one in a long time.

And if my wife forgets what I look

like, you'll be responsible.

You should get that lucky. We'll see

about it when the time comes.

- You heard me.

- Yes Sergeant.

- Aren't we going to rehearse our

act for the show? - Oh get going.

Wait a minute. Come here.

How come you didn't shave today?

I didn't know I was suppose to. I didn't

shave yesterday and nobody said nothing.

Get out of here.

You didn't always used to treat me

like this.

Oh stop mumbling.

you didn't always used to treat me

like this, that's what I said, so there so.

- Are you going to start that again?

-Yes, I am.

You're suppose to be my friend. We lived

on the same block, in the same city.

And you know what you promised

my mother.

Stop hitting my desk. And what did

I promise your mother?

That no one would harm a hair on

my head.

You mean both heads.

Ho, ho! That's rich!

Oh quiet pea-head. Just cause we

were friends before...

Friends before is right.

Anything to do with now .

I have a responsibility and you're

part of it.

I'm warning you, you're driving me

crazy.

That's no drive, that's a short putt.

Ah what do you want? Special

privileges?

No, I just want to remember you as the best

man at my wedding. You're not kidding.

We were buddies, and we wrote

songs, and we dansed and we sang together.

And you still owe me 8 dollars and

75 cents, since before the war.

And we was friends and family. We

was just like brother and sister.

And what happens? Along comes crumby little war

clip-clap, you turn into Dr. Jerkyll and Mr. Clyde.

What is it with you anyhow?

- Alright. ..Alright. ..

- Alright ..Alright. ..Big man!

Couple of stinking stripes. Big deal!

- Go home and wash your face.

- Go home and wash your face.

Big deal. Look at him, General

Delivery.

Get out of here.

What's the matter with Einstein?

He thinks I bombed Pearl Harbour.

When Edwards comes back, tell

him he's being shipped out.

- Say, there was a Nelly here

looking for you. - Millie?

Wonder what she wants? Oh,

what's the date?

- The 29th.

- That's it! Tomorrow is the anniversary of our first alert.

Alert? This office has never been

alerted.

I know it. I just used it as a gag.

You know the first time I saw Nelly,

she looked real good to me.

-But all I got was ice-cubes.

- So?

-So I told her we were being

alerted. - So?

So she let me kiss her.

So?

- So, I took her out a few more

times. - So?

- So, she let me kiss her a few more

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