Atoll K Page #4

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You're not content just to be a singer.

You've also got to be the comedian.

What are you playing now?

Snow white and the seven dwarves?

That's the fella in the picture

that she carries around with her.

Alright! You've tracked me down!

Now what?

You're wrong, baby.

I never tried tracking you down.

Our old friend, Dolan,

reported seeing an uncharted island.

My business here is to chart it.

My men are out there working at it now.

I suppose I should have my head examined

but I'm going to give you one more chance.

Go and pack you're things

and be down at the beach in 15 minutes.

- What for?

- I suppose you want to be rescued, don't you?

Not by you!

Lieutenant! Come right away!

We've found something!

OK.

I'll be right with you.

This is your last chance.

Are you coming?

No!

We'd better keep an eye on that guy.

He looks like a man who would steal our island.

It's uranium!

The place is loaded with it.

Uranium?

Which one of you, fellas,

happened to land first on this island?

Let me handle this, fellas.

Why do you ask that?

Because it will determine

which nation owns the island.

We all own it.

Of course, of course...

You own the island.

You're the real proprietors but

some country has got to claim sovereignty.

International law specifies that

an island belongs to the country

whose citizen

was first to set foot on it.

- So some country can take our island?

- That's right.

And if that country has immigration laws?

- You'll have to abide by those laws.

- Even income tax laws?

Income tax laws,

inheritance taxes and sales taxes.

You know what they are trying to do?

They're trying to take our geraniums.

- That's it, exactly!

- Pardon us for just one moment!

Let's tell him that we all landed

on the island at the same time.

We can't tell a lie.

Antoine was the first to land.

- It was a terrible night and...

- Alright, alright.

Here's how it is.

I was the first man to set foot on this island.

- OK. What's your name?

- Antoine.

- Antoine what?

- Antoine Master of Cooking.

- Nationality?

- I haven't any!

You see, he is what as known as a stateless man.

Or in other words a misplaced person.

You see,

he's lost and he can't find himself.

Listen,

you've got to have a nationality.

I explained that in every port

where I wanted to land.

But no country wanted to have me.

Every country now

will want to have you!

I'll go and radio the authorities

and dump it in somebody's lap.

So long, gentlemen.

- Bye, bye...

- So long, Lieutenant.

Every hour, on the hour this station

is giving you up to the minute reports...

- about difficults...

- of the great states...

in the metter of...

the recent discovery in the Pacific...

of an island that will be known

hence forth as Atoll H.

I beg your pardon.

As Atoll K.

After a fortnight of conferences...

The great powers

in a joint statement issued today,

announced the appointment

of an international commission...

to decide which nation

will be awarded sovereignty rights...

over the island that emerged

from the ocean only a short time a go

and will be known as Atoll K.

This statement was welcomed

with relief in the world capitals.

Now it has become

only a question of time

before some government

raises it's flag over Atoll K.

Some government's flag, they say.

Do you hear that?

Well...

Why don't we make a government of our own?

Chrie's right!

I'll write a constitution

like has never been written before.

Sharpen this!

This will have to be a short constitution.

Now...

We...

the people of...

Of?

Crusoeland...

In order to save our island,

do hereby form a government.

Now, what kind of government

do we want?

Very little government

would be good, I think.

- Without too many laws.

- And no passports.

No passports.

- And no prisons.

- No prisons.

What?

- No taxes.

- No taxes.

This is getting to be

a perfect government.

And I will add...

No laws and no money.

And that's all we have room for.

Now, the next thing is to hold an election.

I vote for myself as President.

- And Stanley seconds the motion.

- But I'm the discoverer of our island!

I vote for me!

You vote for me too, don't you?

No, no.

Giovanni, votes only for Giovanni!

Electioneering is over!

Chrie.

Count the votes.

One vote for Giovanni.

One vote for Antoine.

One, two, three...

Three votes for Oliver Crusoe.

The President is elected

by a comfortable majority.

As President of Crusoeland,

I will now choose my cabinet.

- Chrie, you are my Vice President.

- Thank you, Mr. President.

Antoine,

you are my foreign minister.

I am very proud.

Giovanni, you are

the minister of construction.

You couldn't have made

a better choice.

Well, that's that!

- What about me?

- Stanley, you are the people!

I don't want to be the people.

What do you mean,

you don't want to be the people?

There are more of you

than there are of us!

- You mean, there's a lot of me?

- Certainly!

Oh, well! Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't know.

Mr. President,

but now we will have to have a flag.

Giovanni's right.

We can't have a government without a flag.

- Can't we use this as a flag?

- That will be perfect!

- Yes, but we will need an emblem.

- Wait a second. I have an idea.

It's impossible

to keep this house clean.

Look at that.

Terrible.

See?

The dust did that.

- Stan, Ollie!

- What happened?

Looks like we're being invaded.

What happened?

Take a look at the beach.

Under the principle of self determination,

the constitution proposed by the government,

has been ratified by unanimous vote.

We have no alternative but to recognise

this new sovereign state, the Crusoeland.

Pardon me.

- Waiter, waiter!

- Antoine, more bouillabaisse.

- Poor Antoine.

- Poor Antoine's right.

- What are you having?

- You!

Let me go.

You can't do that.

They said it's a free country here.

As President of this island

I demand that you desist.

Do that again!

You keep out of this, nitwit!

I'll have you thrown off

of this island for that!

Yes.

We'll have you imported!

If I were you, my fine friends,

I wouldn't be too sure.

See you later.

Gentlemen.

I'll have him thrown off

this island if it's the last thing I do.

- That's not possible.

- Why not?

- Because we have no such laws.

- Yes. That would be pretty difficult.

We'd be forced

to change the constitution.

If you want my advice Mr. President,

call a meeting of the cabinet.

That's a good idea.

Come on.

We'll attend to that right now!

Enjoy yourself, folks.

We'll be right back.

It sure is quiet out there.

That's because I showed a firm hand

with our proclamation.

Now I'll make a tour round the island

and test the public's reaction.

You don't have to.

They're coming to visit you.

They're coming to apologise.

I knew that would bring them

to their senses.

- Who wrote that?

- He did!

- I now put you under arrest!

- But he's the President.

He certainly is.

- Why don't you hang him?

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