Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies

---

1

[car alarm blaring]

[man, over headset]

We're about to put Quadoxin,

riverside test field drop.

Mike, Whiskey, 31-Niner-84.

Matt, beer me.

[airplane engine rumbling]

Damn, Lonnie's spraying crops

kinda early.

I mean, Tom... seeing this.

Crazy, Robbie,

he can't see sh*t.

Yo!

Your hot sister's in town?

This better be worth it, Robbie.

I'm kinda partied out, man.

First day of the festival.

Gotta keep the party going.

Yo. What's in that pipe?

[goats bleating]

There it is.

Stay close.

You sure

old Creighton's got pot?

That's the same stuff

y'all were smoking last night.

So, yeah, I'm pretty sure.

All we gotta do is get inside

and take it.

[bleats]

Check the windows,

see if he's inside.

Hey, yo, I think

I see Creighton.

- I see a hand.

- Hey, Creighton!

Wake up, old man!

Let's so some business!

Must be piss drunk

and blacked out.

The hand ain't moving.

Asher, don't bother.

Matt, step back.

[bleats]

Dude, you didn't even

break the door frame.

I'm impressed.

Saw a dude on YouTube.

The trick is to kick right next

to the lock with exquisite force.

Creighton.

Hey, Creighton?

Wake up, you goat f***er.

- What's that?

- Nice.

Damn, he don't

look good at all.

[Robbie]

We got what we came for.

Let's split before

he wakes up.

He's dead.

Holy sh*t, man!

Holy sh*t!

Yeah. Yeah, man, he's dead.

He ain't breathing.

[growling, screaming]

Get off!

- Damn it!

- Come on, man. Get up.

[whimpering]

- Let's get out!

- [groans]

[growling]

Come on, go!

[Creighton growling]

[grunting, snorting]

[saw buzzing]

It's a beautiful day, Mr. Mayor.

It is indeed a beautiful day,

Ellie.

Will you be taking lunch?

Perhaps Mi Casa Su Casa?

Jiffy's? Mama Lou's?

Oh, Beau Clair's will do it.

Always does.

Beau Clair's it is, then.

After that, we're gonna check out

the blues music festival grounds

for the gala opening

this afternoon.

The blues festival

sure crept up fast, sir.

It certainly has, Ellie.

The grounds crew ought to be

done setting up the stage

or they're gonna get themselves

an ass full of Italian leather.

I'm not about to give a speech

where I can't be heard.

Let's get out of here.

[engine roaring]

How's today's run

with our new mix, Lonnie?

No problems to report,

Dr. Fukushima.

The mix isn't clogging up

the nozzles anymore.

We got a good drop.

Excellent.

We appreciate your help

in our field research, Lonnie.

Dr. Klein?

[German accent] Yeah, we'll

have a new application area

ready within the week.

Probably the northeast

coordinates.

So, shall we say Monday?

That's fine, fine.

How much longer you think this is

gonna keep going? The work, I mean.

We've permission from the mayor's

office to run tests for another month.

We'd like to try different

variations of the mix.

But after today's drop,

we need to begin

collecting field samples.

This is a big deal

for us, Lonnie.

A very big deal.

It could transform the South.

Eradication of an invasive

species benefits the region.

It might even bring back entire

groves of Quercus virginiana.

Kweerkos what?

Southern live oak.

It's a true part

of Southern heritage.

The funny thing is,

truth be told,

we're used to kudzu

around here.

The goats love it.

Heck, we even cook

with it.

So, you have the rest of

the week off

- before we begin again.

- Great.

I'll be helping my uncle

get his meat pies going

for the Mose Allison

Blues Festival.

You two should drop by.

Unfortunately, Lonnie,

it's all work and no play

for us.

Making us a pair of dull

scientists, indeed, I'm afraid.

Well, okay, then.

9:
00 a.m. Monday?

Yeah.

- See you here.

- See you here.

[growling]

Come on! Come on!

Jeez, this hurts, man!

Come on, Asher, buddy, let's go!

Up there! You got it. Come on.

Keep going.

[growling]

[grunting]

[grunting, growling]

[grinder whirring]

You know, Lonnie, this is

gonna be our best year yet.

You think, Ed?

I do. I surely, truly do.

And this could be the year

we go statewide.

Imagine that.

Of course, everyone knows

we're already famous, right?

Yeah, in Charleston maybe.

I'm talking big, Lonnie.

I'm talking about getting

off the farm.

Distribution centers,

processing plants, trucking.

Sh*t, I'm talking real big.

Big dreams call

for big thirst, guys.

[chuckles]

Okay, what's your pick?

Lemonade or beer?

[Ed] Don't you think

it's a little early for beer?

What else are you gonna drink

on a day like this, Ed?

Cheers, Aunt Nancy.

Well, mind if I have

the beer, my love?

You go right ahead.

Lemonade is fine with me

on this hot day.

How's it looking, Ed?

Well, old Creighton did a hell of

a job this year with his goats.

They're all fat and happy from

the kudzu they been eating.

About all that old grump's

good at is raising 'em.

All the negotiating we did?

[scoffs] They better be good.

Thanks to you, Nancy.

Now if Ben Johnson gets any at all,

it'll be the least of the herd.

[chuckles] Don't you

worry about Ben Johnson.

His pies can't compare to yours.

Not with your secret

recipe. [kisses]

[Ed chuckles]

[up-tempo blues music playing]

[kids shouting playfully]

Thank you.

[Nancy]

Thank you. Good bye.

[bell dings]

[Ben]

Hey!

Don't buy their pies!

They'll make you sick!

You'll turn green!

Strike three!

You're out!

Now here's a man only needs

one ball, right there!

Give it to him!

There you go! Hey!

- [bell dings]

- [cheers]

Why don't you two get a room?

One time for all!

Try tour luck! Try your luck!

Who are the men

and who are the boys?

Try your luck for a dollar!

It's the 21st century,

you sexist pig.

- Give me that mallet!

- Big talk for a little lady.

Just remember, there's a first-aid tent

right over there if you get tired.

- [bell dings]

- [cheering]

Next time, take "big talk"

from small girl seriously.

See you later, creep.

My baby!

[man] Whoo!

World's going to hell

in a handbasket, huh?

- If this is hell, book me a room immediately.

- [toots horn]

[chattering]

One time for all! Try your luck!

Try your luck!

One time for all!

[toots horn]

Mmm.

Watching you made me

crave something.

Oh, I hope it's meat pies,

my sweet.

Because I'm starving.

Seriously, that really

gave me a workout.

I demand that we play

the hunger games...

for I am hungry.

[squeals, giggles]

Jennifer, Trish, we're gonna get

something to eat.

Beefcake here must be fed so he

can get all the energy he needs

if he's gonna

ring my bell.

- Well, I think we're gonna go take a walk.

- Yeah.

Ooh, got some games of your own

you wanna play.

- Wouldn't you like to know.

- I'd like to sell tickets.

You two were a big hit

back there.

That? That was

the kiddie matinee.

We charge a lot more

for the "adults only" show.

Yeah, sorry, man.

- Hey, Kayla, did you say your brother was coming?

- I haven't seen him around.

He's probably bumming around

with Asher

and the rest of them

short-bus achievers.

It would be really nice

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote