Auntie Mame Page #3

- No, thank you.

- Won't you sit down?

He won't have to worry about his

future. His money is in steady bonds.

You'll agree that it's time he be

enrolled in an institution of learning.

- I'm already enrolled in...

- Let Mr. Babcock talk.

I've gone to pains to gather information

on some better boys' schools in town.

- I prefer coeducational schools.

- What do you mean?

Coeducational means when boys

and girls go to school together.

First, the Bixby School

which is known to be splendid.

Have you considered a school

run by Acacius Page?

It follows ancient Greek principles...

Your brother's will was most specific.

Conservative schooling, he said.

There's my alma mater,

St. Boniface in Massachusetts.

It's too far.

You'd better settle

on the Browning School.

It is known to be conservative

and this gives the boys basic...

- That's enough candy, dear.

- Sorry.

Not you, Mr. Babcock.

You can have all you want.

Have you thought of

the Dillman School? It's here...

Too experimental. You wanna keep

the riffraff out of the boy's life.

The school must be exclusive

and restricted.

Exclusively what

and restricted to whom?

We must spare the boy

certain influences...

...from the wrong side of the tracks,

shall we say?

- Mr. Babbitt...

- Babcock.

- Yes. It was very good of you to come.

- What school will it be?

Name the school, and Patrick

and I will know what to do.

- I'd say Bixby.

- Then bully for Bixby.

I'll make out a check to Bixby School.

You register him.

Whatever you say.

I say I'm very happy to have met you.

After the reports I'd heard,

I was prejudiced, and not in your favor.

But I find you a woman

with a very powerful charm.

And you're a man

with a very powerful bank.

Floor all scrubbed.

Clean just like old country.

I go now. Get lamb chops,

bottle of milk for boy.

- Pick up my coat!

- Bye, Aunt Vera!

Bye, kid!

Don't drop anything. What a marvelous

day! October's bright, blue weather.

All we've seen was the store.

Haven't even called my office.

Oh, stop complaining, Lindsay.

When are we going

to have time to ourselves?

I've had to make up Patrick's 10

neglected years in a matter of months.

Dr. Spock says it's impossible.

Does Dr. Spock mention

that a child needs a father?

There are a lot of women

who think I'm attractive.

Don't start that! How can I be a wife?

I'm too busy being a mother.

Oh, I forgot. One moment!

Thank you.

My hat! Thank you.

I hope Patrick likes the chemistry set,

the books, the atlas, the Kipling.

- I don't like your latest fad.

- Fad? Patrick?

I've seen you through yogi,

sculpture, dance and foods.

You take each as if nothing else

existed. Then you drop them.

You think he's a temporary enthusiasm?

- It's called "molding a new life."

- You've been in some mood.

- You deceitful, irresponsible bohemian!

- Whatever do you mean?

- You're not fit to raise a child!

- Something's happened?

Come here, you heathen!

- What's wrong?

- He came to my school...

I dropped by the Bixby School

and what did I find?

I find he isn't even registered!

I hunted through

every low, crackpot school.

- I found him in the lowest of them.

- Mr. Page is progressive.

There they were!

A room full of them!

Boys, girls, teachers, romping around

naked, bare as the day they were born.

The children were engaged in

normal, healthful, broadening pursuits.

Broadening? Show them what

you were doing when I broke in.

We were playing fish families.

It's part of constructive play.

- Listen to this.

- Show me.

We do it right after yogurt time.

Mrs. Page and all the girls

crouch down under the sun lamps...

...pretending to be lady fishes

depositing their eggs in the sand.

Then Mr. Page and all the boys

do what gentlemen fish do.

What could be more wholesome

or natural?

Natural? Well, it might

be natural for a sardine!

Mr. Babcock, I consider

your behavior most undignified.

Undignified? At least I wear a vest.

Making a scene. Causing

a traumatic experience for this child.

I know how you twist things around.

I'm getting out of this nudist camp...

...before you make me look

like the president of free love.

Mr. Babcock,

not in front of the B-O-Y.

Tomorrow morning I'm taking

this kid off to boarding school.

I am placing him

in St. Boniface Academy.

You'll only get him

Christmas and summer.

- I wish I could stop you from that!

- Do I have to?

- Please, I'll do whatever you say.

- Not on your life! He goes tomorrow.

- Let's be reasonable.

- I'll make him a decent Christian...

...if I have to break his bones.

Give me another chance.

I wouldn't give you the time

after the double-cross you pulled.

But he's all that I have!

Have him ready at 8:00 sharp tomorrow.

Kid, you'd better be wearing knickers!

I want to stay with you, Auntie Mame.

I don't want go to St. Bony-face.

Now, hush.

Hush, my little love.

I'm sure St. Boniface

is really very nice.

You go upstairs now, dear...

...and get ready for dinner.

We'll talk about it later.

Lindsay.

Lindsay, what am I going to do?

Mame, I'm sorry.

Well, I...

I just don't think I can bear it.

I just don't.

Mame.

I've never seen you cry before.

Mame!

- Mame, are you home?

- Is that you, Vera?

What on earth does she want?

Have you talked to your stockbroker?

Yes, I can see you have.

- What about her stockbroker?

- He's trying to locate both of you.

- What happened?

- Nothing.

Except nothing's worth

anything anymore.

- Hello.

- Now, don't you worry.

It can't affect us. We own solid stuff

like Bank of the United States.

Missy Dennis, stockbroker want to say

hello before he jump out of window.

How bad is it, Arthur?

Not Bank of the United States.

Atwater Kent too?

Mame, I'm afraid you're wiped out.

We all are.

Everyone said I was a fool

spending all my money at Tiffany's.

Who cares about money?

I've lost my child.

- What?

- Patrick's trustee is sending him away.

Oh, Mame, darling.

I know how you must feel.

- Do you?

- Well, of course I do.

I never had a child,

but I'm an actress. I can imagine.

There must be something I can do.

I've got it! The perfect solution.

It'll solve everything. You'll work.

- Work?

- You'll return to the stage...

...in my play, Midsummer Madness.

There are dozens of parts.

We open Thanksgiving in New Haven.

I'll call Max.

- Do you think I could?

- Of course you could. Couldn't she?

You'll have to work at something.

The only chance to get Patrick back

is to show Babcock...

...that you've settled down

into something steady.

Or to earn money to fight him with.

You're so right!

- About $500 a week to start.

- It'll be a bit in the last act.

Then there'll be a raise. I accept!

Your heart is from Tiffany's too.

It'll be like old times...

...when we were trooping together

in Chu Chin Girl. I can't wait!

This is a serious drama.

I was in front. Vera was behind me.

If I'd been behind you,

I'd have kicked...

I know exactly what I did.

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