Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me Page #2

-You can't even--

-Zip it.

Zi-i-i-p.

Look, all Im--

Ladies and gentlemen

of the jury, ex-zip-it A.

Number Two,

would you please back me up?

-Look, Im Zippi Longstocking.

-l can't--

When a problem comes along

You must zip it

Zip it good.

Frau, would you please--

-Im just trying to--

-Zip.

Would you like to have

a suckle of my zipple?

-l want you--Stop--

-Zip.

Listen--All--You know--

You're like a child--

Talk in--If you--

Just--One time--

Zip it.

Unveil the time portal.

As you know...

Austin Powers

was frozen in 1967.

Therefore,

I will travel to 1969...

two years after he was frozen.

He'll be helpless.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Im about to travel

through time.

I bid you adieu.

Im OK.

Not turned on, I suppose.

Do you think you could...

Yeah, thanks.

Come, Mini-Me!

Don't be scared, Mini-Me.

Welcome to 1969.

Thank you, Number Two.

You look so healthy

and youthful.

Well, thank you.

Herr Doktor.

And Frau, you look so...

Right.

I received your memo

from the future.

Your new lair is up and running.

Is it a hollowed-out volcano

like I asked for?

Of course.

Good.

Then it's all going

perfectly to plan.

Yeah, baby, yeah!

When did you get the Clapper?

November 1964.

Dutch East Indies. Shore leave.

Do you know how we keep warm

in Russia?

I can guess, baby.

We play chess.

I guessed wrong.

It takes a keen intellect

to play chess.

I assume you know how to play.

Of course, baby.

What to do, what to do.

Let me ask you a question.

And be honest.

Do I make you horny, baby?

Do l?

Do I make you randy?

No more games.

Dr. Evil sent me here

to kill you...

but I find you so...

sexy and...

Just make love to me.

Now, Austin Powerovich.

Hurry!

You're hairy like animal!

Grr, baby! Very grr!

Make love to me, monkey man.

Dr. Evil, I don't understand...

how we can hope to steal

Austin Powers' mojo.

We've tried this before.

The security around Powers

is foolproof.

But this time

we have an operative...

inside the Ministry of Defense.

Really?

Yes, really.

He's stealing Austin Powers'

mojo even as we speak.

Really?

He's a disgruntled

Scottish guard...

known for his lethal temper

and his unusual eating habits.

He weighs a metric ton.

His name...Fat Bastard.

We've had reports there's a spy

in the Ministry of Defense.

The contents of this room

are vital to the country.

Be on special alert.

Yes, sir.

And try to lose some weight,

for God's sake.

Mr. English colonel

tellin' me to lose weight.

Im a hard case, he says.

Well, listen up, sonny Jim...

I ate a baby!

Oh, aye, baby.

The other other white meat.

Baby:
Its what's for dinner.

Ive got your mojo now,

sonny Jim.

What's wrong?

Crikey!

Ive lost my mojo.

Austin,

the test results confirm...

that you've lost your mojo...

and it couldn't come

at a worse time.

We have evidence that Dr. Evil

has developed a time machine...

and has traveled back

to the year 1969.

Luckily, we, too...

have developed

a time travel device...

to transport you

back to the Sixties.

This is where you

input your destination.

Wait a tick.

Basil, if I travel back to 1969

and I was frozen in 1967...

presumably, I could go visit

my frozen self.

But if Im still frozen

in 1967...

how could I have been

unthawed...

in the Nineties

and traveled back--

Oh, no, Ive gone cross-eyed.

I suggest you don't worry

about this sort of thing...

and just enjoy yourself.

That goes for you all, too.

This is smashing, Basil.

I go back to the Sixties,

recharge my mojo...

defeat Dr. Evil,

and be back in time for tea.

Swinging Sixties,

here I come, baby, yeah!

Move! Move!

Sorry.

I bet that's expensive.

Sorry.

Easy!

Stop it now, Austin!

Here we go.

Yeah, baby, yeah!

Godspeed, Austin Powers.

Im home!

Im back in the Sixties,

baby, yeah!

Get your hands

off my Heinie, baby.

Who are you today, baby?

My name is Robin Swallows.

Swallows.

That's an interesting name.

Maiden name's Spitz.

Which is it, baby,

Spitz or Swallows?

Those are skintight.

How do you get

into those pants, baby?

You can start

by buying me a drink.

I want! I want!

Better play it cool.

Your friend works for Dr. Evil.

And just who

do you work for, baby?

Tell me, Mr. Powers...

do you swing?

Are you kidding, baby?

I put the Grr! in swinger,

baby!

Then why don't you come right...

over here.

I can do that.

Prepare to die, Powers!

Use the machine gun!

Say good-bye, Powers!

Use the bazooka!

The fall will kill us both,

Powers!

You can't win, Powers.

Why won't you die?

Care for a ride?

Go!

Austin Powers, I presume.

Powers by name,

Powers by reputation.

Felicity Shagwell, CIA.

Shagwell by name...

shag-very-well by reputation.

Oh, behave!

Not if I can help it.

You know what's remarkable

is how much England...

looks in no way

like Southern California.

Crikey!

We've got company! Looks like

one of Dr. Evil's assassins.

Steady now.

Hands up!

Do you remember me,

Austin Powers?

I don't recall your name

but your...

fez is familiar.

My name is Mustafa.

And Im the man

who will be killing you now.

Daktari!

Who sent you?

You'll have to kill me.

Who sent you?

Kiss my ass, Powers.

Who sent you?

Dr. Evil.

-That was easy.

-That was.

Why did you tell us?

I can't stand to be asked

the same question three times.

It just irritates me.

Where is Dr. Evil hiding?

Why would he tell me?

Im just one of his

low-level functionaries.

Where is Dr. Evil hiding?

You'll have to torture me.

Ill never tell you.

-Where is Dr. Evil hiding?

-Damn! Three times.

He's hiding

in the secret volcano lair.

Where's Dr. Evil's

secret volcano lair?

I spit at the question.

Do I really have to ask you

two more times?

Go to hell, Powers!

Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's

secret volcano lair?

I will take it

to the grave with me.

You have to answer.

He asked you three times.

The second question was...

Do I really have to ask you

two more times?

That would be the first question

in a new line of questioning...

and wouldn't count in

the other line of questioning.

He's right.

However, Im just trying to

get information from you, man.

I don't need any consistency

in the questions, do l?

No. You're preaching

to the converted--

If Im preaching

to the converted...

then why are you

being so slavish...

to the three-question form?

You're not even

looking at me, man.

Now you're just being rude,

you know what I mean?

You're not listening, man.

Oh, crikey!

Well, Austin, I think this time

you have finally met your match.

Oh, no, baby.

Ive beaten Dr. Evil before,

and Ill beat him again.

I was talking about me.

Hello up there!

I seem to have fallen

down a cliff.

Im still alive,

but Im very badly injured.

I think my legs are broken.

Ill try to stand.

Yes, they are broken.

Perhaps you could

toss me a band-aid...

or some antibacterial cream.

Im in an extraordinarily

large amount of pain.

The bone has

gone through the skin.

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