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Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me Page #6
Well, it looks like you
have a choice, Mr. Powers--
save the world...
or save your girlfriend.
You've got to save the world.
Kill him!
Fire the laser.
Target locking.
God!
Laser set to full vitality.
Judo kick!
You may have won the battle,
Mr. Powers...
but you lost the war.
Wake up, Felicity. Wake up!
Escape pod ninety-five.
I love you, Felicity.
I love you.
Dr. Evil! Ill kill him!
Gotcha!
You shot me, you a-hole.
And now Im going to kill you.
Before you do that...
know this...
I am your father.
Really?
No, not really.
I can't back that up.
Right. Idiot. Yes.
But isn't it interesting,
Mr. Powers...
that you would rather kill me...
than save
your precious Felicity?
What do you mean?
Remember, there's a time portal
in the main chamber.
You could go back and save her.
Ill do that.
Good work!
Well, it looks like you
have a choice, Mr. Powers--
save the world
or save your girlfriend.
You gotta save the world.
I choose love, baby.
Wait a tick. Who are you?
Im you, ten minutes from now.
Damn it! You are handsome.
I was just thinking the same.
We are sexy.
We are sexy b*tches. Yeah!
All right.
This is ri-goddamn-diculous.
Kill them both!
Fire the laser.
Listen, past Austin...
can you save the world
while I go get the girl?
Sure, Austin-from-
ten-minutes-from-now.
Lock in target.
Laser set to full vitality.
Come on. Are you all right?
Yeah, come on.
You all right?
You OK?
Say, what's the policy
on mnage a trois?
You are adorable!
Looking for this, Mr. Powers?
My mojo.
Self-destruct in
two minutes and counting.
Watch out!
See you in hell, Powers.
Hey, Austin-from-
ten-minutes-from-now!
Let's go. Come on.
Thirty seconds and counting.
Twenty-nine...
-Let's go.
-My mojo!
We have to go now.
My mojo. Im useless without it.
You've had it all along.
What do you mean?
You defeated Dr. Evil,
you saved the world...
and believe me,
you're gonna get the girl.
Yeah, come on.
Go!
Ill set the controls for 1967.
Felicity, why don't you come
with me to 1999?
I don't know.
The Sixties were so groovy.
I want to see what happens
in the Seventies and Eighties.
The Seventies and the Eighties?
You're not missing anything.
I looked into it.
There's a gas shortage
and a Flock of Seagulls.
That's about it.
Let's go.
I love you, Austin Powers.
And I love you,
Felicity Shagwell.
Wherever we go...
there we are.
Special delivery.
Surprise, surprise.
Listen, missy,
'Cause once you've had fat,
you never go back.
You shut your mouth,
you bastard...
who is fat.
Yeah, that's very good.
Before you kill us,
let me ask you one question.
Are you happy?
What kind of stupid ass
question is that?
Im rich, and Im dead sexy.
You didn't answer my question.
Are you happy?
Of course Im not happy.
Look at me, Im a big fat slob.
Ive got bigger titties
than you do.
Ive got more chins
Ive not seen my willie
in two years...
which is long enough
I can't stop eating.
I eat because Im unhappy.
Its a vicious cycle.
If you'll excuse me...
there's someone I have to get
in touch with and forgive.
Myself.
Oh, God.
Sorry, I farted.
Its a long road ahead.
Who am I kidding?
Im going to kill you anyway.
Judo chop!
Right in the mommy-daddy button!
That's for calling me crap,
you fatty.
Listen, baby, I don't care
if he is a Fat Bastard...
you don't give a man
a shot in the pills.
Its just not cricket.
Do you think Ill be happy
here in the Nineties?
Well, I know the Nineties
might sound boring...
but as far as Im concerned...
Ive brought the best part
of the Sixties back with me.
You.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going?
Did we get Dr. Evil?
No. He got away in that rocket
that looks like a huge...
Penis.
The male reproductive organ.
schlong, or...
Wiener?
Any of you kids
want another wiener?
Dad, what's that?
I don't know, son,
but it's got great big...
Nuts! Hot, salty nuts!
Who wants some?
Lord almighty!
That looks just like
my husband's...
One-eyed monster.
Step right up and see
the one-eyed monster!
Hey, what's that?
It looks like a big...
Woody! Woody Harrelson?
Can I have your autograph?
Sure, no problem.
Oh, my Lord. Look at that thing.
Its so big.
Ive seen bigger. That's...
Just a little prick.
Its a flu shot.
You've been
in the coldness of space.
I don't want you to get sick.
Its quite another
to attack my Mini-Me.
Im gonna get you,
Austin Powers.
Im gonna get you.
Thank you. Welcome back.
Today we're doing a follow-up...
to a segment
on Fathers who are trying
to take over the world.
What's going on with your dad?
Well, my dad tried to take
over the world...
with a giant laser on the moon.
I know.
We have a surprise for you.
What, my dad?
No, it's not your father.
Its your mother.
Come on out.
Mom?
Scott, you are my love child
with Dr. Evil.
I thought
I was a test-tube baby.
Lies. All lies!
I love you, Mom.
I love you, too, son.
Thank you.
You know,
what have we learned here today?
Perhaps it's that
no one can take your mojo.
You can look around
all you want...
but what you're really trying
to find is on the inside.
Take care of yourself
and each other.
in the Nineties.
I never knew
it could be this way!
Oh, baby, baby, baby.
That's good.
How could you?
I thought that--
Past Austin?
Technically,
it's not cheating, baby.
Felicity, I can't blame you.
The man is handsome, baby!
We're just plain handsome, man.
Am I wrong,
but this makes me horny, baby.
Very randy!
Well, one thing's for sure--
Ive got my mojo back.
Its definitely back.
Hello. You all right?
Me spuds are boiling.
Come on, darling,
let's hop on the good foot...
and do the bad thing.
Paging Dr. Freud.
Hello up there.
Is the movie over?
Im still down here...
and Im still in
quite a lot of pain.
Maybe someone in the lobby
could call an ambulance.
Oh, the pain
I've fashioned
a makeshift splint.
Here goes nothing.
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"Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/austin_powers:_the_spy_who_shagged_me_3283>.
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