Austin Powers in Goldmember

"Somewhere in Utah"

Yeah baby!

Hi, I'm Dixie. Dixie Normous.

I my just be a small town FBI agent,

slash single mother.

But Im still tough, and sexy.

Well, Miss Normous...

Shall we shag now? Or shag later?

Oh Austin, behave.

Hey Powers!

You better watch your freaking self. Because this

is one doctor who does make house calls.

Right, Mini-Me?

Hey, a**holes!

I'm right over here, I'm Mini-Me.

Come and get me!

And cut!

- That's a cut everybody.

So Austin, what do you think

of the opening credits?

Well, I can't believe sir Steven Spielberg the

groovyiest filmmaker in the history of cinema

Is making a movie about my life.

Very shaggadelic baby, yeah!

Having said that,

I do have some thoughts

Really? My friend here thinks

it's fine the way it is.

No offence sir Stevie, but you

got to have Mojo baby, yeah!

Hit it!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr Quincy Jones.

This is where the movie

gets its Mojo baby.

Alright, everybody. Music video, take 2.

It's Britney Spears!

Oops, I did it again, baby.

"Dr. Evil's Hollywood Lair"

Welcome back Herr Doctor.

How was space?

Space was cool, wasn't it Mini-Me?

Doctor Evil, while you were in space, I created

a way for us to make huge sums of legitimate money

And still maintain the ethics in the business

practices of an evil organization.

I have turned us into a talent agency.

The Hollywood talent agency. Really?

By charging A-list clients 9% rather

than the traditional 10%

We've been able to sign such stars as

George Clooney, Julia Roberts and Leo DiCaprio.

And the best part of the whole scheme

is, we all get our own assistants.

Hi, I'm number 3.

Wow! I'm really excited to be

part of the team here at HTA.

Very impressive, number 2.

But I finally have the perfect plan.

In the 70's, there lived a Dutch metallurgical

heathenish by the name of Uhand Van Der Smutt.

He loved gold so much he even lost his genetalian

in an unfortunate smelting accident.

Hence the name, Goldmember

He invented a cold fusion power unit,

for a "Tractor beam"

"Tractor Beam"

Powerful enough to pull a meteor to earth.

The meteor was called "Midas 22".

It's made of solid gold.

Is he sleeping?

That's ok. I guess Mini-Me won't

get any chocolate!

You want down Mini-Me? Use your

words like a big boy clone.

He's okay!

Here's the Chocolate. It's from Brugge.

That's in Belgium, that's where daddy's from.

Check out Mini-Me.

He's gone mental on the count of the chocolate.

It's like freakin catnip for clothes.

Your chair, Dr. Evil.

Thank you.

Thanks. Skedaddle

You know when you have kids, I think your going

to find that all kids are different aye?

For example, Mini-Me loves

chocolate. Scotty don't!

What? I love chocolate fine.

Scotty don't!

Oh yeah, that's very familiar, hang on

let me do what I do, would you stop?

Honestly, isn't this? How about you don't

ladies and gentlemen, Scotty don't.

Dr. Evil, perhaps it's time that you finished

unveiling your plan? Thank you, number 2.

Ladies and gentlemen. My plan is, Scotty don't.

Oh come on, you're such a lame ass!

You know this is causing me serious

psychological harm. -I don't know who am I.

Fine you know what? I would love some chocolate.

Here you go. Thank you.

Come on!

You okay, Mini-Me?

Did I pull too hard? I don't want to

hurt you. Dr. Evil. Ya?

Was does Goldmembers plan have to do with us?

Our early attempts at a tractor beam

Went through several preparations.

Preparations A-T were a complete failure.

But now ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a

working tractor beam which we shall call "Preparation H"

What? Why don't you just call it operation

ass-cream you ass.

I'm sorry did you want some ice-cream?

Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.

Perhaps later.

Doctor Evil, I love your plan.

Yeah Herr Doctor, it's a really good plan.

Yes frau, on the whole I think

"Preparation H" feels good.

What is it now? No, nothing. You know what? I agree

"Preparation H" does feel good. On the whole.

Well Im glad were speaking

the same language.

Ladies and gentlemen, using my time machine I shall

travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember

And bring him back to the future.

And the best part of this plan is

No one can stop me.

Not even Austin Powers.

Not so fast. You're surrounded

Dr. Evil. -Sh*t!

Doctor Evil, the world court sentences you

to 400 years. Do you have anything to say?

No, but I think Mini Me does.

Looks like 2 eggs and a hanky.

The criminal genius known as Dr Evil and his clone

were sentenced today at the world organization.

For his efforts, Austin Powers, son of

Englands most famous spy Nigel Powers.

Will be knighted by the queen

at Buckingham Palace.

Arise, sir Austin Powers. Thank you, your majesty.

Your father must be very proud of you. Oh yeah.

Come on dad, stand up and take a bow.

"Austin's Pad"

I am a sexy beast.

Its Austin Powers, you're so funny.

Also very sexy. Can I have an autograph?

Of course, your name is? Fook Mi.

Oh behave baby, now your name is? Fook Mi.

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Fook Mi, like this.

Oh I see. Your NAME is Fook Mi.

You want a drink?

Yes of course, but I have a private bar in

the back that you are more than welcome to use

Here you go. Fook Mi, that was fast. Fook Yu.

You're going the right way for a smack bottom

And I don't care who knows it.

Austin, this is my twin sister,

Her name Fook Yu. Fook Yu, Fook Mi. See

Twins??

Were going to see the twins.

I also think Austin Powers is very sexy.

We think you're very groovy baby.

Do we make you sleepy? Well you make me

many things but sleepy is not one of them.

We give you top secret massage.

Yes top secret massage, baby.

Sorry about that, I swear to god,

that never happens.

Hold on a tick. "Things to do before I die"

"Have threesome with Japanese twins".

Okay, now where were we babies?

Austin, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Twins Basil, twins.

Austin, it's your father. What? He's been kidnapped.

So that's why he wasn't at the knighting ceremony

No actually. He was kidnapped

after you were knighted.

He was last seen on his yacht. Oh, yes, the

"HMS Shag at Sea". Exactly, just take a look.

Gentlemen fall in. Austin, these men were

assigned to guard your father.

Okay chaps chins up, trousers down.

I think we might have found a clue.

Go Blimey. All your privates have had their

privates painted gold. How bizarre.

Imagine gilded tally wakers, golden

wedding tackle, 14 carat trouser snakes.

That's enough. Okay. Basil there's only one

person in the world who truly

Understands the psychology

of a mad man. Dr Evil.

"Maximum Security Facility Geneva".

I've been expecting you, Mr Powers. My father

is missing. Yes, I've heard. How ironic.

You finally caught me, yet now you need me

more then ever. But then again

You've always needed me

haven't you Mr Powers?

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