Austin Powers in Goldmember Page #2

Remember when I told you, we are not so

different you and I?

We are not so different, you and I.

See, I did say that.

Very clever. Now who has my father?

Someone has some daddy issues. Nothing

could be my father from the truth.

You said my father. No, I dadn't,

didn't, did not.

For me this is a dad issue.

Dead... Daddy didn't love me.

It seems like the knighting ceremony wasn't

the only time your daddy let you down.

Remember that day at the academy?

Think! It was graduation.

"British Intelligence Academy 1958"

Have you ever heard of knocking, man?

-Right. We were just getting started.

Don't forget Mr Powers later

you have a brief oral exam.

Well I hope it's mostly oral and not to

brief, baby. You know brief and oral exam...

It looks like Master Evil is the top contender

for this years international man of mystery.

He's number 1 in the class.

Whoop dido Basil.

Hey, everybody I'm number 1.

Hello, I'm number 2.

Nice to meet you number 2.

But now I'm going to be named

international man of mystery

Who throws a cup cake? Honestly?

And now it's time to award our greatest honour

this years international man of mystery is.

Austin Powers

-Well done Austin

It's always been my dream to win this

award just like my dad.

I'm glad he could be here,

stand up dad, take a bow.

Dad?

I had the best brains in the class

and I didn't get diddly squat.

Tell me Austin Powers, what did you find on

those sailors? A golden surprise? Perhaps?

All the sailors had their meat and

two wedge painted gold.

Yes, it's the distinctive calling

card of a criminal mastermind.

Named, Goldmember. How can I

find this Goldmember?

Cuid pro quoe Mr Powers. Yes, squid pro ruoe.

I'll give you Goldmember, you give me a

Transfer to a regular prison,

so that I can be with my beloved Mini-Me.

Ok I'll get you a transfer to a regular

prison, now where's goldmember?

Not where Mr Powers, but when. 1975 Studio 69

disco, New York city. Corner 69 and 8th

You go now Mr Powers. Fly, fly.

I'll get it.

"M.O.D. Time Travel Hangar - 2002"

Instead of hiding your father in some remote

location. Goldmembers hiding him in 1975.

So our engineers have crafted this vehicle,

to time travel to the seventies.

Smashing Basil, a pimp mobile.

-Yes I knew it would tickle your fancy.

What can I say? Here we go, 1975.

Good luck, Austin.

"New York City 1975, Studio 69"

Good evening everybody.

And welcome to studio 69.

Here he is ladies and

gentlemen, Goldmember.

Hey everybody, I'm from

Holland isn't that weird?

Well if it isn't Austin Powers.

I'm sorry?

You got a lot of nerve dragging your jive

white ass in here.

I don't believe we've met. It's me Foxy,

Foxxy Cleopatra. Long time no see. Stop.

We can't be seen talking to each other,

you dig? I'm using this cat as a distraction.

I get it yes, very clever.

First things first.

up Foxy Cleopatra. Where have you been?

Listen Foxy, I just want you to know

I never intended to hurt you baby.

Well all I know is, momma only got

a taste of honey. But she wanted the whole behalf.

Oh behaive!

You always knew how to make me smile.

Well, you know it's a gift really.

What am I doing?

Foxy, what are you doing in

Goldmember's club?

I'm under cover. About a year ago my

partner at the bureau was killed.

And that jive ass cold turkey

Goldmember is the prime suspect.

Your father is in the back room,

under heavy guard. Thanks Foxy.

Austin, good luck.

Dad!

Hello son. Just over powering my guards.

I'm here to rescue you. Come quickly

I got a better idea. Why don't you rescue me

in about 7 or 8 minutes.

Knock it off.

I don't want to see my dad on the job.

Come on let's go.

I'm sorry.

What's wrong with your neck?

I took a Viagra, got stuck in my trout

I've got a stiff neck for hours, I thank you!

Listen dad, if you are gonna talk about naughty

things in front of these American girls.

Then at least speak English, English.

Alright, my son.

I was about to make love

to this pretty girl

Is this true?

If you were aroused,

why didn't you pleasure yourself?

What alone?

Indeed.

Remember Christmas dinner

with the Scottish girl.

The insane one?

She was the wife of the dancer

who lived upstairs.

A lawyer who became a

policeman in a truck...

????????????...Tea kettle!

Shat on a turtle!

We had some good times.

Welcome to 1975, Austin Powers, and fadjer.

Excuse me while I change,

the hola boogie has made me sweaty.

You see Mr Powers.

I love gold. The look of it, the taste of it,

the smell of it, the texture

I love gold so much, that I even lost my

genitalian in an unfortunate smelting accident.

Hence the name, Goldmember.

We're both swingers you see. You have a tight body.

I see that from your tight pants. You're tight like a tiger.

Would you like a smoke and a pancake?

A what?

A smoke and a pancake. Flapjack and a

cigarette? Cigar and a waffle?

Pipe and a crpe? Bong and a blintz?

Then there is no pleasing you.

That's not right.

Hello, what have we here?

That's a keeper, put it in the skin

box please, with the others. I'm pealing.

That's just disgusting.

Quickly, quickly thank you. Save me

from my self.

You're insane Goldmember!

And "That's the way aha aha I like it",

"KC and the sunshine band".

Alright Goldmember, don't

play the laughing boy.

There are only 2 things I can't stand in this

world, people who are intolerant of other

Peoples cultures, and the Dutch.

What? Take the fadjer away! Dutch hater. And now

it is time to say goodbye. Dr. Evils orders.

Which for you is bad news, Bears, "Walter Matthau".

Shazam! Up yours, jive turkey!

Traitor!

Yes the gun, very good. 2002.

Theyre taking my father to the time machine.

Say what machine? Come on now.

This way, sugar.

That was close Foxy, I owe you one. Austin,

I found this in Goldmember's office.

It's a micro film, maybe a clue.

Smashing.

I wanna go to the future with you. We can

catch goldmember together. I owe it to my partner.

I should warn you Foxy, 2002 is very different.

Well, the future better get ready for me. Because

I'm Foxy Cleopatra, and I'm a whole lot of woman.

"Georgia State Prison"

"All visitations are limited to 5 minutes".

"No spitting in the visitors room".

Herr Doctor, I have some news. It's your son.

He wants to take over the family business.

Scotty Does?

He's gotten so evil he's even started

losing his hair. -I know it's sweet.

He just wants to make you proud, Herr Doctor.

After all it's hard on the boy not having a father.

You know, first you were frozen, then you

were in space, now you're in jail.

Don't tell me he feels neglected. I was adopted

by freakin' Belgians.

You were adopted?

I never met my birth parents. There was a car

accident. I'm told it was a beautiful Belgian day.

The smell of waffles and brussel sprouts filled the

summer air until my birth mother was incinerated.

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