Authors Anonymous Page #3

Number four-that's

my lucky number.

I should have known

this was gonna happen.

There's nobody more deserving.

I'm going to dedicate

my novel to you.

Good night, Henry obert.

'Night.

Wow.

Idea for a novel.

A us senator is also a vampire.

Yes.

Y novel is called niet, not yet

by Colette mooney.

It's about a Russian

woman, her story,

her search for love

in this country.

It's inspired by a story

that I heard from a massage

client of mine named Yuri.

Yuri.

Shhh.

Favorite author?

Oh, that question again.

I still don't have an answer.

There are so many.

Who would of thought that

I used to do massage?

I know. No, it's true.

In fact that's how I met

Alan for the first time.

Although don't let him tell

you any differently because

I know that he will try.

It's absolutely not true that

I gave him the kind of massage

that he really wanted.

'Cuz I didn't.

I did not give him...

At least not the

first time I didn't.

Absolutely. I have

morals and values.

Bottom line is if Hannah

can get an agent, so can I.

So yeah, I am superstitious.

I know, I'm guilty.

I'm very drawn

to the number four.

I was born on 4:
04

pm on April fourth.

Yeah, four four four four.

I mean, that is not an accident.

No way.

Things I like to avoid.

Well, black cats, broken irrors,

and the number thirteen.

Yes, I do not like

the number thirteen.

And everbody that knows

me knows that I do not

like the number thirteen.

Even though three

plus one is four.

And I do like four.

So it's a fine line.

Everybody has a technique.

And this is mine.

A writer has to hear everything.

On the streets.

In the restaurants.

My dialogue has to be so

real, that I'm everywhere.

Standing behind you at

the check out stand.

Peeing next to

you at the urinal.

Oh yeah.

I watch.

I listen.

Writing down scraps

of conversation.

You're writing what

we're saying.

That's right.

I eavesdrop.

Gotta love it.

That's me.

Simple.

Real.

Powerful.

An artist.

These are my rejection letters.

Rejected by agents.

Rejected by publishers.

When I think about it,

it's kind of depressing

how many ways people

can reject you.

This is-this is probably a

rejection letter, you know?

I can't do this today.

I can't open this letter.

I take rejection so personally.

I'll bet it's good news.

You think?

I think.

It could be.

Ok

I think it could be too.

Because today is the day.

That's the spirit.

Oh.

Can you read it?

Uh...

Sorry not interested.

That's what it says, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well remember the pink one?

It was way smaller

than this one was.

Yes, it was. It was a lot

smaller.

A lot smaller.

I think that because it's

getting bigger, it could be...

Progress.

Right?

That's right.

I'll save this one.

I'm gonna save this one.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I don't know who that could be.

It's ok.

Hi Maureen how are you?

Hello everyone.

Colette's here!

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know they were here.

Hi guys.

You look so dressed up.

Oh thank you.

You look fantastic too.

I thought I'd bring something

I picked up for my

new favorite author.

There's a note.

"Poodles, now may we have

sex again?" Love Alan.

What mom?

That is amazing.

You're welcome.

Oh gosh, I know what it was.

Really quick I just wanted to

ask about your new agent honey.

Oh, mmhmm?

Is he taking on new clients?

Oh, you know what, I don't know.

Could you ask?

'Cuz you know?

I mean if he is...

You know?

Yeah, maybe I could-

could probably do that.

Ok good.

Maybe we can talk about

this at the meeting?

You're right.

Absoultely. Absoultely.

Yeah.

Ok.

Oh, I guess I should go.

It's time.

Thanks Maureen.

This is so sweet.

You're welcome.

Everything is gluten free,

because you know at our age,

honey, it's time to start

being healthy, right?

You know?

When you're young.

You should start young.

Ok, muah.

Congratulations, sweet pea.

Thank you.

Bye guys, see you!

Ohh.

Careful there.

I've not been drinking.

Ohh.

Too much.

Haha.

Ahhh.

Oh my goodness. Colette mooney.

She really is something.

Yes.

Colette mooney.

That girl, she...

C-o-l-l-t-t-e-m-o-o-n-e-y.

That's thirteen letters.

Out.

Out it goes.

It's ok.

I'm not-Colette...

She's not scary, so...

Hannah.

Henry. How are you?

Oh, thank you for

seeing me Alan.

Of course.

No problemo.

Let's get you some new eyewear.

I need something that

makes me look smart.

Ok.

You're already smart Hannah.

This will be perfect.

Why don't you try these?

Ok.

Ehh.

Nah.

Excuse me one sec.

Name for character.

Alexander brown.

Wears brown colored glasses.

Well of course he would.

You know this great idea for a

novel came to me this morning.

It's called woof.

It's about...

It's about a dog who becomes

human for 24 hours in order to

rescue his kidnapped owner.

Hannah, I love this idea.

Could be a winner.

Yeah, you think so?

Do you like these?

You look great.

Do you think you're agent might

be interested in this idea?

Does he have a dog?

Or a cat. It could be a cat.

We could call it meow.

Just think about

mentioning it to him, ok?

Dog or cat becomes human.

I brought you out here because

I would like you to meet

someone who is super duper

important to me.

He is my spiritual advisor.

Dr. xiroman has taken a

year's vow of silence

to protest climate change.

It's just amazing.

He's here today to cleanse

the air of this icky, icky

negative rejection energy air.

So please.

Mm mm.

There's a lot more air,

so you can keep going.

That's it?

Hello?

Oh hi!

It's Bryan.

Yes, I'm sitting down.

What?

Oh my God.

Oh my God, oh my God.

Are you serious?

He sold my novel.

Oh!

Shhhh. Oh my God,

I'm here, yes.

How much?

Wow, ok great.

Ok, ok, we'll talk tomorrow.

Ok, thanks Bryan.

Oh!

Wow, Hannah.

Well, we gotta tell the group.

Oh no, no, no. I

don't want to do that.

It'll sound like I'm bragging.

And I already got the agent.

Why don't you let me tell them?

Yeah, yeah, you know, they'll

hear it from me first,

and it won't be a thing.

Thank you, Henry.

What would I do without you?

Her and her little

book deal and all.

But it just so happens that

John k butzin has some

news of his own to announce.

I have just inked a deal

with "u r the publisher".

A reputable firm based in...

Well it's overseas.

But they publish

5,000 titles a year.

I'm going to give them $250.

They're gonna format and publish

my novel roaring lion.

Next step, Hollywood.

Hannah's just lucky. That's all.

Guys, here she comes.

Here she comes.

Get ready, get ready.

Surprise!

Ohh! So sweet! Really?

Oh that's so sweet,

you guys. Thanks.

First one published

gets a free eye exam.

Thank you so much.

Wait to go, miss

published author.

Thank you.

Big hug there.

We're all jealous Hannah.

Just teasing you.

No seriously, we're all jealous.

Look, you guys are making

way too much of this.

Really.

So when does the book come out?

A year. They said about a year.

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