Authors Anonymous Page #4

How much you get?

Don't ask her that.

Why not?

How much do you get?

Uh, actually I did ok.

Yeah?

Yeah, just leave it at that.

But hey, I owe all of

this to you guys.

I'd be so lost with

out this group.

I don't know if anybody heard,

but "u r the publisher"

has decided to publish roaring

lion by John k butzin.

"U r the publisher"?

That's right.

Self publishing.

E-books.

They print on demand.

Yes, that's right. That's

exactly what they do.

And I'll have my

book in two weeks.

None of this waiting

around crapola.

John k butzin will be

a published author.

And he'll be published first.

John, congratulations.

Right back at ya, kid.

Two published

authors in the group.

The rest of us are

gonna have to catch up.

Just-

gunner stared out over

the bleak horizon

seeing one dead Vietcong

after another.

They scattered on

the bloody hillside.

He had won this time.

But gunner knew that Charlie

would be back in the morning.

And by God, he would be ready.

And so would his m60

general purpose machine gun,

and mark 2 fragmentation

hand rifle grenade.

God, that's good stuff.

That's beautiful.

Nicely done, John.

Let's get some feedback.

Ok, well I think in

terms of characters, John-

hold on a minute.

I want to hear from her.

No I don't wanna

hear from everyone.

I want to hear from Hannah.

She has a book coming out.

John k butzin has

a book coming out.

I want to hear from Hannah.

Author to author.

Screw you. Really?

This is really against the

spirit of the group, John.

Everyone's opinion is valid.

Hers is more valid.

What do you say, Hannah?

Um... I...

I'm going outside.

I should probably

go check on him.

Make sure that he is ok.

Let's take a fifteen

minute break, shall we?

Yep.

I'm just gonna go

to the restroom.

You guys need anything else?

Idea for Michael

crichton - type novel.

Members of antarctic

research station attacked

by mutant penguins.

Wait a minute, what was that?

Uh, just an idea

I was working on.

Just uh-

who was that author?

Michael crichton.

Michael chrichton.

Pretty well known author.

Just members of a research team

attacked by mutant penguins.

Really?

We have one rule in this house.

Whatever Colette

wants, Colette gets.

Aw thank you, honey.

If she wants an

audi s4, no problem.

I did, I did.

Credit cards? How many?

Her own business? Done.

An agent?

Call it serendipity,

karma, whatever.

But it just so happens

that very well known

literary agent David kelleher-

so known. He is so known.

I just-

And guess who's coming in

tomorrow to see doctor

Alan mooney for an eye

exam and new glasses?

It's not me.

It's Donald.

Callahan-no, David?

Kelleher.

David kelleher.

David kelleher.

Anyway what am I

supposed to say to her?

Oh Christ, he says

it's pedantic.

Dr. Alan mooney.

I'll call you back.

I'll call you back.

I know. Big fan. Big fan.

Come with me, please.

They're doing a little

documentary about

my writing group.

Really?

Just act natural.

So David, what brings

you hear today?

Near sighted, far sighted.

I do need a prescription

on the reading.

Ok focus on the

"e" for me there.

Obviously you read a lot.

I know that.

You've been getting

any headaches?

No.

Let's see here. Let's see here.

Ok let's do a basic

eye examination.

Read that first line

for me please, David.

L-b-h-k-z-b-c

But anyone can identify

simple letter and numbers.

Let's see how you do reading

a more challenging text.

Natasha the Russian peasant

dressed oh so slowly.

Consumed totally,

completely, absolutely

by endless thoughts of Yuri.

Wow.

Isn't that great writing?

My wife collete wrote that.

The patients just

love reading it.

It's from her new

novel niet, not yet.

I wonder who that could be.

Hi honey.

Oh my goodness.

I'm so sorry to intrude.

Oh gee Colette.

This is a huge coincidence.

We were just talking about

you and here you are.

Where are my manners?

Colette, David kelleher.

David, Colette

mooney, the writer.

Oh my goodness, it is

such a pleasure, David.

Actually Colette is the one

who wrote this beautiful prose

you've been reading.

Honey, I can't believe

this coincidence.

Yes, I was just dropping the-

oh yes, thank you. Thank you for

dropping that buy.

Say honey, David has just been

reading the first page of yours.

You wouldn't happen to

have any more of that

opening chapter would you?

We're in luck because I think-

say, how 'bout that?

Hey.

How 'bout that?

Woah that went very well.

Yes, poodles very.

Although he did seem in a

hurry to leave, didn't he?

The sooner he can begin reading.

I'm holding a copy of my book

that you people sent me,

and there seems to be

some kind of a mistake.

Well, you put a dog on the front

cover, instead of a lion

like we agreed upon.

Right. And let me tell ya

something else.

The back page is in Chinese.

Yes, it's Chinese.

I know Chinese when I see it,

ok?

A Chinese assault rifle almost

cost me an eye at hamburger hill

so I know Chinese when I

see it, alright mister?

This is good, Henry.

This is so good.

Yeah, you think so?

Oh yeah.

Do you think it's

ready for the group?

I can't wait to hear what

happens with Scott and kristy.

Those are such great

characters oh thanks.

Thanks. Yeah, I can't wait to

see what happens with them too.

Oh Henry, you'll figure it out.

Hey, uh... you want to take that

drive we talked about?

I um...

I could use some inspiration.

And what in the h-e-double

hockeysticks is chapter eight?

I mean, this-this is about

hormone replacements for women,

and yeast infections, and

braziere sizes

and feminine washes...

How the hell am I supposed to

show this to Mr. Clint Eastwood?

And I want to know what the hell

you are gonna do about it, ok?

Because you sir are dealing

with a decorated veteran.

A decorated combat vet-

yes, I'll hold.

I have to iron out of

a few things.

Very common in the

publishing world.

What really matters here is

that John k butzin is

finally a published author.

Long overdue and well deserved.

Because-

butzin. John k butzin.

So who lives here?

Richard broadwell.

Oh, the writer you like.

Reading Richard broadwell makes

me want to be a better writer.

He's that good.

I haven't really read any of

this stuff, but nice house.

Well here we are.

North Hayworth Avenue,

Hollywood California.

Ok, big clue time.

Sheilah Graham.

Oh yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Sheila Graham.

Wow.

Right.

Who was Fitzgerald's lover.

And Fitzgerald died right

here on December 21st, 1940.

Wait, wait wait. Fitgerald?

He's the one who

shot himself, right?

No.

Fitzgerald.

F. Scott Fitzgerald.

He wrote the great gatsby.

Come on, you know.

Gatsby. He believed in

the green life.

The orgiastic future.

The year by year-

I didn't read it.

Come on.

Can we just, like, turn

these off for a second?

Why? What's wrong?

I just...

I have never read

the great gatsby.

Henry, I didn't

go to college, ok?

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