Away We Go

Burt.

What?

Don't.

Why?

Come back up here,

I want to kiss you.

No, come on. I want to do this.

I'm staying down here.

Okay.

Just don't blow.

What?

Don't blow.

Why would I blow?

I don't know why you do

anything you do, Burt.

Just don't blow.

Okay. Just stop

moving. Okay?

Okay.

You'll love it.

All right, no more talking.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Why'd you stop?

I'm just trying to figure out how

to say what I'm about to say.

Why do you have

to say anything?

You taste different.

Did you know that?

No, Burt.

How would I know that?

Just get up here. Okay?

I don't want to keep talking

to the top of your head.

Do you want me to shower?

No, no.

You don't taste dirty.

You just taste different.

Like, kind of fruity.

God.

Wait. Did you know a woman can taste

different depending on various co-factors?

I don't want to hear that.

And I thought that we agreed you

wouldn't use the word "co-factors."

No, I said I wouldn't misuse it.

All I'm saying is, from what

I've read about vaginal flavor...

Jesus!

...from what I've read,

abrupt changes can happen when

a woman's either menopausal

or...

Burt?

Oh! Good, you're awake.

What are you doing?

Cobbling.

I really want to be that dad that knows

how to make stuff out of wood. You know?

I just want our kid to wake up in the morning

and walk out on the back porch

and find me cobbling.

You know, that's not what it's called.

Yeah, it is.

Burt, cobbling is shoes.

That's why the people that make shoes

are called cobblers.

You're not cobbling,

you're carving.

Or possibly whittling.

Good morning.

Morning.

I got this great book on knots.

learn them all.

And I still have to build that kiln.

Man, you gotta be ready.

You remember, we go to your

parents' house this afternoon?

Yeah, you know, I pushed that because

I have Family Defense class today.

Yeah. Does everybody

there dress like that?

Hey, where are those

goggles you had?

My airbrush ones?

Yeah.

You can't use them.

Got them.

Burt.

All right.

I will be back at 3:00.

Maybe a little later if I get into

some hand-to-hand combat.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

They look like the

California Raisins, remember?

The big bodies, the little legs

and the sunglasses.

Lovely.

It's so bad. I really

wish you could see this.

You want to hear the pregnancy rap?

It's even worse.

You get much more

from your pelvic floor

When you pass on the bagel

and do one more Kegel

Jesus Christ. Tell me, do I have to be

this uncool for the rest of my life?

What are you doing?

You're talking to me

while you're exercising?

No, I'm just watching it.

I have this subdural

hematoma thing due Friday.

I'm trying to finish it

before we go out tonight.

Out? You two? Where?

Dinner at Burt's parents'.

They must be

out-of-their-minds excited.

Yeah, you know them.

I think they're probably happy to be

the only set of grandparents

and have the baby

to themselves.

Don't say that. You're lucky

to have them so close.

I know, I know.

We're gonna lean pretty hard on them.

You know I'd be there if I could.

I hate that I'll be so far away.

I know.

Who do you think she'll look like?

God, I hope she doesn't have Burt's...

What, facial hair?

Feet.

Those feet. Square feet.

Like seal flippers.

Oh! Sh*t, I just gave

this guy's brain a vulva.

I really want her to have

an epic kind of childhood.

I want her to run along streams

and know how to work a canoe,

be able to entertain

herself outside.

I want her childhood to be Huck Finn-y.

You know?

Yeah. I had that.

Yeah, exactly.

Burt Farlander.

You old so-and-so.

I'm sorry about

your Pacers, my friend.

Hey, if you think Mike Dunleavy can

carry more than a bucket of water,

I got some Florida swampland you

might be interested in. Yeah.

That's loud.

No, real good price.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh! That one gets me

every time. Yeah.

Well, I'm glad you called. Yeah.

You're too much.

All right, I will. Bye.

They expect that from me.

They expect you to sound

like Casey Kasem.

Verona, most of these guys

are in their 50s and 60s.

We're talking about millions of dollars

in insurance futures.

They don't want to be dealing with some

So, Casey Kasem finished college?

Yeah.

This next long-distance dedication...

No.

goes out to a really special girl.

The letter reads,

"Dear Casey, my name is Burt, and my

girlfriend's pregnant and frustrated.

"Could you play a song that will make her smile?

Thanks. Signed, Burt Farlander."

Your pregnant girlfriend's

gonna kill you.

Go away.

Thanks, Casey.

Oh! Look at you!

You look so big!

Good for you!

Hi.

Wow, look at your hair.

I freed it!

I don't think it makes

you look crazy at all.

I know, I know. Get inside.

Your father's just finishing up a call.

Sit, Verona. Sit next to me and

let me hear the heartbeat.

You can't hear the heartbeat

'cause her placenta is on... Okay.

Well, Bill, if you believe that,

I've got a bridge in New York

you might be interested in.

Yep, okay.

That is really sweet.

Au revoir.

Hey, Jerry. You're looking so much better.

You can barely tell.

Oh! Thank you, my dear.

Verona, you look beautific.

Thank you.

Hey, did you bring the pictures

from the sonogram?

I did. Here you go, Dad.

These are fabulous.

You haven't opened

the envelope yet.

I can just tell he's a beauty.

She's a girl.

Did you...

Yes. I did tell

you that, Dad.

She's a beauty.

Wow. Spectacular.

Exquisite. I mean,

talk about perfection.

Verona, do you think

she's gonna look like you?

Well, I hope so.

I think I'm the mom.

I just want a little Verona.

After 2 boys, I want a little Verona

in a leotard. Can you do that for me?

I will definitely

work on it.

Okay, and just how black

do you think she'll be?

Mom...

Wow. I don't know.

Maybe we can leave her out in the sun

for a couple of days, expedite things?

Verona, are you on schedule?

Oh! Jerry!

You don't ask her that!

But I'll tell you what scares me,

it's that tilted uterus of yours.

Does it really?

Do you think that's gonna

make the delivery hell?

I don't know.

You know how I had this one?

Yes.

Yeah.

Thank you.

In the tub.

Yep.

I had to call the fire department,

it happened so fast.

The water broke,

I make the call.

burst in the bathroom.

You've got to picture me.

No, we don't.

I'm 23, gorgeous, alone, the skirt's hiked

up to the waist, the legs are apart,

I'm huffing and puffing, and bang!

I'm surrounded by the 3 men

in the uniforms.

It's August, so humid.

My blouse is soaked,

I'm engorged with milk...

Did they bring their hoses, Gloria?

They were all over me.

Very capable men, knew exactly

what they were doing.

Almighty food gatherer, father of

the earth, sky, water and ice

and food, we give you thanks.

Thank you.

So, we've been reading

a bunch of books,

trying to decide what kind of birthing

experience we want to have.

That's terrific.

And we think that we want to limit

the amount of people in the room,

or near the room.

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