Away We Go Page #2

Well, you don't have

to worry about that.

Right. No sweat.

And we decided that we don't want

any videotaping. Sorry, Jerry.

Right, I won't.

Fabulous.

But we really want

to share this with you.

Your presence is really,

really important to us.

Definitely.

Yeah, yeah.

You're so right.

We so are looking forward to it.

We will definitely be there.

The only reason we won't be there

is if we're living in Belgium.

Okay, we have news.

It's big.

What is it?

We're leaving in June.

We're finally doing it.

You're leaving in June?

The baby's due in July.

Right. To Antwerp.

City of light.

Well, that's not...

No, you're not.

Yeah, we are.

It's gonna be superb.

No. And don't

say that word.

We thought you'd

be proud of us.

We've been talking

about this for 15 years.

And now we can

finally do it.

You're leaving a month

before the baby's born?

You're moving 3,000 miles

away from your grandchild.

I think it's more than

I think so.

I can't believe this!

There are planes, Burt.

We've been planning this forever, folks.

You know that.

I didn't know that.

Wait, hold on a second.

How long are you gonna live there?

Just 2 years. Okay?

"Just 2 years"? You guys.

Wait. Are you selling the house?

See, that's the best part.

We were going to rent the house out

with the help of a very elegant

gentleman named Fareed,

but no one's come forward yet. So...

Wait. How long have you

been planning this?

Hold on. If we don't find

a renter in the next month,

you two can stay here

while we're gone.

You can have the house

for the next 2 years.

Outstanding.

Were your ears burning?

Your ears must

have been on fire, sir.

What is that?

Magnificent, isn't it?

I didn't think you'd notice. $12,000.

I cannot believe it.

I know.

She's a Choctaw princess, I'm told.

I think it's important

that we honor our Indian...

Indigent people...

Our ingenious...

In-de-gentious people.

Who was it?

Nobody.

Was it... Was it Fareed?

Later.

Later.

If it was Fareed,

did he...

Yeah.

He did? He...

When?

The day we leave.

Oh, my God!

I guess we've got some

more news for you two.

We could get someone else

to be the grandparents.

Those old people, across the street,

what are their names?

I mean, we moved

here for them.

And now, they're gonna miss

the baby's first 2 years.

It just really takes selfishness

to a whole new level.

It's not like your parents

are doing anything.

My parents are dead, Burt.

Still.

I can see my breath.

Hold on, I'll get the thing.

Make it nice and toasty.

There you go.

God damn it.

Great.

All I did was turn it on.

I even said to the guy at the store,

I said, "Could I have a red fuse?"

He said, "You want a blue fuse."

I said, "No, I already

had the blue fuse.

"Didn't work out great.

So I'll take a red one."

He's like, "Trust me,

it's the blue one." "Okay."

Now we know who will be getting

a red fuse next time.

Burt. You know, we don't have

to stay here.

What?

I'm saying we could leave, too.

But we live here.

I know, but the only reason that we're here

is because your parents are here.

Or were here.

Well, where would we go?

I don't know.

We could go anywhere we want.

Anywhere, anywhere?

Yeah.

I can do my job from anywhere.

And all you need's a phone, right?

Well, we don't want to go

back to Chicago, do we?

No, we did Chicago.

I used to picture myself in Alaska.

God, I love that landscape.

Alaska?

Yeah.

You've never mentioned Alaska.

Wow, they pay people

to live in Alaska.

Phoenix. We could

live near my sister.

She could be Auntie Grace

all the time.

Think of that, Burt.

That would make me so happy.

And Lily and Lowell

live there.

Who are Lily and Lowell?

Lily, my old boss in Chicago.

Right.

What do you

think of that?

Yeah, they could be

our friends in Phoenix.

They weren't really

our friends in Chicago.

I know, but they could be

when we live in Phoenix.

They could be our new good friends

when we live in Phoenix.

Well, we wouldn't need a

space heater in Phoenix.

Burt, are we f***-ups?

No.

What do you mean?

I mean, we're 34.

We don't even have this basic

stuff figured out.

Basic, like how?

Basic, like how to live.

We're not f***-ups.

We have a cardboard window.

We're not f***-ups.

I think we might be f***-ups.

We're not f***-ups.

Are we nuts?

Well, look around.

We both agree we need to be

near some kind of family.

Some friends, something.

Some connection, someone we know, so...

We'll look at Phoenix,

see my sister.

Your closest friends.

Lily and Lowell.

And then to Madison

for your job interview.

My what?

God. Your interview.

Your interview

with Mutual Choice.

To see if they'll give you a better commission?

You set it up.

Okay. So then from Madison, we go home.

No. Did you look at the itinerary?

I stapled it to the inside

of your jacket.

See? From Madison,

we go to Montreal.

Montreal is where I think we should

live if we don't live in Phoenix.

Okay, Montreal.

See? This is exciting,

if you think about it.

We're completely

untethered, Burt.

This is a dream scenario.

What are you doing?

Honey, let me tuck you in.

God, look at you!

You're only 6 months in!

Jesus, you're huge!

And your face, it's so fat!

Come here, give us a hug!

Lowell, come and give a hug to the

most beautiful woman in the world.

Look at that.

Nice to see you, Lowell.

Come on,

don't be such a pill.

He's upset 'cause

we didn't get into the club.

Hey, how are you?

Good, I was almost out.

I'll get an opener.

Verona and I were

desk buddies in Chicago.

I hired her at the agency.

That was before she

broke out on her own.

I still have no idea where you learned how

to paint the insides of dead people.

So f***ing disgusting, girlfriend!

Come on, let's get a drink.

She's so talented,

our little artiste.

For the land

Of the free

And the home of the brave

Play ball.

Wow. So, you're

in Arizona now.

Cheers.

Cheers.

To the Arizonans.

You got it.

God. I can't believe it.

I can't believe how big the kids are now.

Right?

And Taylor's so handsome.

Well, thanks. We're gonna

do something about those ears.

Do you see them?

He looks like a trophy.

You know what I mean?

One of those trophies

with the arms on it.

Oh, my God.

And this one has

that dyke look.

She walks like a teamster,

doesn't she?

I mean, it's weird.

She's only 12, and I know she's a dyke.

Ashley! Ashley!

Show Verona your tough-girl walk.

Come on. Go butch on us.

Come on! Come on!

Oh! Now she's shy.

Did you see her ass?

She's got like...

What is it? What is it?

What?

Junk in the trunk.

She's got junk in her trunk!

Oh, my God!

It looks like a duffel bag

full of bricks.

I don't know if dykes

go for that or not.

Do they?

Burt, you worked with

a lesbian, didn't you?

Yes. Yes, I did.

I can't hear you!

I just don't think we should be talking

about it right in front of the children.

Please. Burt, it's just white noise

to them. Listen, watch this.

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