Awaydays Page #4

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No smackheads.

Do you understand me? You're worse.

You're f***ing selling them the sh*t.

No smack.

But it's all right for Elvis, though.

What's he on about?

- You all right, love?

- Had you. F*** off.

It's not for me. There's a new lad.

# 10:
15

# On a Saturday night

# And the tap drips

# Underneath the strip light

# And I'm sitting

# In the kitchen sink

# And the tap drips...

Where will it end?

Where will it end?

Do you want to go for a little walk?

Yeah, OK.

Go 'ead, lad! Fill your boots!

Get back to your kids, eh, Godden?

Before I tell them how little your dick is.

What are you f***ing laughing at?

You little floppy-fringed f***.

Think that's funny?

# And I'm waiting

# For the telephone to ring

# And I'm wondering where she's been

# And I'm crying

# For yesterday

# And the tap drips...

Come 'ead, then.

You should be well hard by now.

My fella's back 11:00 on the dot.

Nice cock, lad.

Oh! You dirty get!

Spunk all over me black kecks!

What am I gonna tell him?

Didn't even get it in!

Look at that, eh?

Spunked all over her f***ing kecks!

He didn't even get a gobble!

Give me a hand, go on!

You dirty bastard!

Big sky.

Ah, that's brilliant, that is, lad.

She'll be made up.

Hope so, mate.

I've got some making up to do.

Ah, well, at least you realise that now,

eh? It's a start.

- Could you not go back to it?

- I don't know.

You've got a real gift there, kid.

Your ma'd be proud of you.

Oh, aye, yeah. Aren't I everything

she wanted me to be, eh?

Don't make the same mistakes I did.

I was coming here for six months

to get some bread together.

That was 27 f***ing years ago.

Hey, just... you know, work out

what's important in life. And who.

I will, Bob. I will.

Elvis!

F*** me sideways with a tickling stick!

Lord Cartykins, as I live and breathe!

To what do we owe the pleasure?

Got a little surprise for you.

- You're not having me on?

- Nope.

- We're on the gezzy, you and me?

- That we are, my friend.

Is right!

This more of your bohemian crew,

is it? The ones I never meet?

Now, now, Mr Elways.

It's nice to be nice.

F***ing sound!

This is f***ing better, this, Carty.

- What you having?

- You know the score, kid.

Rum and black, times two.

# I guess your dreams always end

# They don't rise up, just descend

# But I don't care any more

# I've lost the will to want more

# I'm not afraid, not at all

# I watch them all as they fall

# But I remember

# When we were young

# Those with habits of waste

# Their sense of style and good taste

# Of making sure you were right

# Hey, don't you know you were right?

# I'm not afraid any more

# I keep my eyes on the door

# But I remember...

All right, Tash.

Never knew you come here.

- Never knew you did.

- Oh, aye. We're on the gezzy, like.

- Who's she?

- Just some rip from by ours, mate.

- She's f***ing amazing.

- You wouldn't think that if you knew her.

Know what I'm saying? Come 'ead.

# Reflects a moment in time

# A special moment in time

# Yeah, we wasted our time...

Jesus Christ, Carty.

- Get on f***ing Cruella.

- F***ing hell. She's magnificent.

You, Mr Carty,

are one bad head-the-ball lad.

Never had one of them

Probie types before. Have you?

You're joking, aren't you?

She looks like a manic panda. Urgh.

See them two?

They're talking about us.

- Really?

- They can't make it any more obvious.

- Look like a pair of quegs.

- Oh, behave!

Telling you, girl. Pound to a penny,

them two are chutney ferrets.

- You all right?

- Cool as the Fonz.

- I'm Carty.

- Elvis. Nice to meet you.

Oh. Just had a piss. Mwah!

- Give us one of them lighters.

- Please.

- Please.

- Sonya?

- Hiya.

- Carty. Pleased to meet you.

- Ta.

- Ta.

- You mean the lighter?

- I want the lighter.

- Cheers.

- Enchant.

Fancy coming to a bat cave?

- All right. Do you want one?

- I was waiting for you to ask.

- Sorry.

- Light it for me, please.

Come here.

And we have light.

Hey, is this your bat cave?

Build up, Carty.

Bit out of it, la.

Listen, sexy.

Hoping to lose money on you tonight.

Ever seen this done before?

- Carty?

- No, not right now, mate.

- Not right now?

- I will.

I weren't asking you.

Come 'ead, Carty.

Come with us, man.

Come see the stars.

You'll f***ing love it.

You will f***ing love this gear.

Nah.

Why?

- Not for me, man.

- What you on about? It's gorgeous.

It's f***ing heaven. Come with us.

Not into it, mate.

I'm not f***ing into it, you quilt!

I'm not on it,

but I've got some here and it's good.

You won't, will you?

Choices.

We all have choices.

What?

It's not just the likes of him,

you know?

- I don't know what you're on about, lad.

- Don't sweat on it, babe. Just know it.

Yeah?

There's a way. For all of us.

I know, yeah.

I'm doing it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm deffo gonna do it.

Couldn't be more pleased for you, kid.

Now, are you gonna bang me, or what?

He won't.

Can't you sleep neither?

Looks like neither of us got

what we wanted, then, eh?

Hang on, hang on.

Dirty c*nts.

Your tickets.

- Billy.

- Here he is!

- Didn't think you'd come, Carty.

- You brought plenty of tissues, mate?

Here you are, get a ticket.

Give him a ticket.

Tell you what, Carty la,

you want to get yourself checked out.

That f***ing Janie gives out more doses

than a traffic warden gives out tickets.

Oh, aye, John? Done your fair share

of time in the Q clinic, have you?

Once or twice, lad. Once or twice.

What do you want,

you f***ing little drug-dealing gobshite?

It ain't personal, it's business.

It f***ing is personal. I don't want you

f***ing selling drugs round here.

So let me tell you now.

No f***ing smack. D'you get me?

He dishonours me

in front of my family!

And for that, no way back.

So go 'ead,

you never even got it in, no?

Not her, John, but I had no problem with

the old breaking and entering last night.

Eh, Elvis?

Not for some of us at least.

What's all this, then, Elways, eh?

Not sure Elvis has got that much

to tell you there, boys. Get my drift?

Not unless you're into short stories.

What posh arse is trying to tell youse is

he goosed a pair of skates last night.

While you was on the nod,

you useless twat.

Oh, what are you gonna do

about that, Elvis lad?

F***ing hell, Elvis, you're not, er...

turning arse on us all, are you?

Ah, come on, mate.

I was only having a laugh.

F***ing come 'ead!

F***ing come on!

These c*nts want to f***ing know!

Come on, you c*nts!

Come on, you sheep-shagging c*nts!

You're nothing! You're nothing!

Come on, you c*nts!

Come on,

you f***ing bastards!

You soft f***ing Wools, come on!

Come on! You're f***ing nothing!

You're f***ing nothing!

Come on, you c*nts!

- Come on! Come on!

- Oi. Oi. Hey.

Here. Come here.

Who the f*** do you think you are?

Don't you f***ing ever say that again

or I'll f***ing kill you, you d*ckhead.

Come on!

# With a three-star jumper

Halfway up his back

# He's a f***ing Woollyback!

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