Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan

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(Folk guitar music)

- Oh, much obliged, ma'am.

That... Oh, that looks so tasty.

- Oh, you're so welcome.

Smells wonderful.

- Thank you.

- Hey, about a pot

of hot coffee?

- Coming right up.

- Thank you.

- Hope you brought back

a powerful appetite with you.

Can you believe this snow?

You boys keep working that hard,

You're gonna have

this whole forest chopped.

- Yeah,

maybe we should slow down,

Go half speed.

What do you say, boss?

- You go half speed,

Ill cut you half speed.

- All Im saying is,

It takes some time for these

big trees to grow back.

Don't it?

- Trees are trees.

More people are building

houses now, closer together.

You look at your kitchen window,

You can look

in your neighbor's bedroom.

You take it from me, young man.

The future of this great country

is home ownership.

Now, I want you guys

to get some rest tonight

'Cause tomorrow we're gonna cut

20 acres of god's green timber.

When's this thing gonna be done,

Elmer?

- Chow's ready boss.

Meat's practically falling off

the bone.

- Ain't bad, Elmer.

It ain't too bad.

- Much obliged, boss.

- Save me some.

I'll be back.

- You got another log jam

to take care of, boss?

That's the third time today

for him.

- Well, for a great big bear

of a man,

Boss sure has the itty-Bitty

bowels of a squirrel.

Ring the dinner bell, kid.

Tell the men to come on over.

Chow's ready.

(Metal ringing)

- Smells good, y'all.

(Metal ringing)

(Ominous music)

(Saw buzzing)

- (Growling)

- Hey.

- (Snarls)

(Growls)

- (Pants)

Hey, hey.

- (Snarling)

(Saw buzzing)

(Both growl)

- (Yells)

- (Growling)

- (Yells)

(Screaming)

(Menacing orchestral music)

- (Sighs gruffly)

These monkeys

are gonna get themselves hurt.

- No, not a problem.

We'll be here.

- Miss cow-Wow-Zinkowski?

- Please,

my friends call me Sam.

- Sergeant Hoke,

and I don't have any friends,

So you will address me

as sergeant Hoke.

- Oh...

okay.

- Here they come now.

(Dramatic blues music)

Let's see who we got here.

D.O.C. Number 6-8-2-9-0,

Martin Williams,

Felony robbery.

- Is this really necessary?

- Move it along,

chicken little.

D.O.C. Number 9-0-2-1-1,

Trish gauge, three counts

of assault on a police officer.

Fall in, prairie dog.

D.O.C. Number 2-0-0-6-8,

Zachery Moore,

drug trafficking.

- You can call me Zack.

- I'll be keeping

a real special eye on you.

Move along, wasted space.

D.O.C. Number 1-8-7-5-0,

Rosa villa.

Well, contempt of court.

Couldn't have guessed.

Fall in there, thornbush.

- Hi, ray Tanner,

dropping off my daughter.

- (Sighs)

D.O.C number 1-7-9-0-1,

Claire Tanner,

Drunk driving, bodily injury.

You are late; if you are

trying to get on my good side,

You have failed.

Now, get in line, happy hour.

- Hey, is that thing necessary?

- Well, you never know

who you might run into

In the deep, dark woods.

Toe the line.

That means toes on the line.

(Clears throat)

Yes, this will include you,

wasted space.

Toe the line.

Now, you all have had

the good fortune

To be a part of the state's

first offender program,

What I like to refer to as

the get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.

There's only one problem,

kiddies.

I'm the one

holding all the cards.

And Im sergeant a. Hoke,

And as of right now,

You are all my s. T.U.M.P.S.

All right, s. T.U.M.P.S.

All aboard sergeant Hoke's

happy short bus.

(Door slams)

Get on board.

Double time.

Double time,

or you will be left behind,

And I will fail you.

Move, move, move.

Do you require assistance,

madam?

- She'll be okay.

- Thanks.

(Mouthing)

(Engine turning over)

(Adventurous music)

- You're a cube rat, never spent

any time in the field.

- Not exactly.

I have an office.

Nice refurbished couch,

a great one.

Tea tray.

- Have you ever spent any time

outdoors?

- I spend more time indoors.

Got my master's in social work

With a focus

on criminal justice.

- I don't remember asking

for your resume.

Miss k. Why are you here?

- There's plenty of punishment

built into the system.

I'm here to reform, to help.

- (Chuckles)

Well, sh*t, Sam.

Me too.

Me too.

- Felony robbery.

Chicken little.

You don't look the type.

- Wait a minute.

I know you.

Internet hacker, stole, like,

12 mil from the government.

- It was only 11.5.

The IRS likes to round sh*t up.

- What's it like

to spend all that money?

- Yeah, what did you buy?

- Never had a chance

to roll around in it.

Just numbers on a screen.

- You?

Miss badass.

- What?

- Assault a cop three times.

I dig it.

- That's bullshit.

I only punched him once.

- What about you, c. B.?

You doing all right back there?

Need a drink?

(Laughter)

- Nice.

(Laughs)

- S.T.U.M.P., remain seated

while the vehicle is in motion.

This is not a pleasure cruise.

- S.T.U.M.P.S?

- Stupid teenagers

under my protection.

- Technically

they're not all teenagers.

- (Chuckles)

- I'd appreciate it...

And Im sure the other

passengers would too...

If you didn't smoke.

I'm not sure

I approve of your style.

- Well, then this is going

to get interesting.

(Adventurous music)

(Twangy rustic music)

(Mysterious music)

Miss k. Welcome to my world.

- This is gonna be interesting.

- S.T.U.M.P.S, get off the bus.

- This is where we're staying?

- This place is a pile.

- (Sighs)

- S.T.U.M.P.S, toe the line.

You are all here

because you have made choices

That most people would describe

As piss-Poor.

The courts have given you

this one last chance

To get your sh*t together,

Or your sh*t

will get pushed in in prison.

- (Chuckles)

- Today you are all s. T.U.M.P.S,

But when I am through with you,

You will have grown

into trees...

and productive members

of society.

Miss k.

- Hi.

We're gonna have a great week.

There will be

physical challenges

Led by sergeant Hoke,

And Ill be continuing

our counseling sessions here.

By the end of the week,

we hope this experience

Inspires you to make changes

in your life

And better choices.

- I choose to go somewhere else.

- Yeah, I don't want to stay

in that dump for a week.

- Shut it!

S.T.U.M.P.S don't stay

in the cabin.

S.T.U.M.P.S stay outside.

S.T.U.M.P.S, set up the tents

by the campfire circle.

Move out.

Hold on.

- I'm not sharing a tent

with you.

- Oh, I know.

I'll be sleeping in the cabin.

- What?

- I'm not here

to share anything,

Least of all hardships.

I may not have a fancy degree,

But s-G-T,

It's got its privileges.

(Bear panting)

(Bear roaring)

(Bones crunch)

(Roars)

(Flesh squishing)

- Several people got shot.

It was a drive-By.

The d. A. Wanted me to testify,

but I couldn't.

I was worried for Myra,

my daughter.

- You have a daughter?

- Yeah.

- Whoa, serious m. I.L.F.- Age.

(Both laugh)

- When I get out of here,

Im gonna get her back.

- Hey, I cut a deal

to get out the bigger fish.

You got busted for talking.

Talking's what saved my ass.

- Figures.

A hood rat like you

selling drugs.

- Hey, I had friends,

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