Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan Page #2
and they needed things.
Just so happens
what they needed wasn't legal.
- What you do differently
if you could go back in time?
- Probably invest in Google.
(Laughter)
- Trish, you're up.
- (Scoffs)
There was this bar fight.
Cops showed up.
One of them asked me
what happened,
And the officer behind him
wouldn't stop staring at my ass.
- (Laughs)
- So I popped him.
- Excuse me, ma'am,
but you do have a nice ass.
- (Laughs)
- C.B., it's your turn.
- I was coming back
from a party.
I was a little buzzed.
The car in front of me
ran this red light.
I couldn't stop in time,
and I hit him.
The driver got thrown
from the car.
- You weren't hurt at all?
- Just a little cut on my knee.
The other driver
wasn't hurt either,
But he reeked of booze.
- He was drunk too?
- It was his third offense
for drunk driving.
- Oh.
- He hit three cars in town
Before he ran that light.
- You stopped that guy
from killing someone.
You deserve...
You deserve a medal
rather than being here.
- That's right.
The system is messed up.
It's not fair.
- Well, two d. U.I.S
don't make a right.
She did break the law.
- Screw that.
I would've hired a lawyer.
Sued him for a million.
- A million?
I would've got 12 million.
- My lawyer said it was better
to just plead guilty
Than to fight it.
- And you thought
that was unfair.
- He ran the light.
I was just a little buzzed.
Nobody could've stopped in time.
I shouldn't be here.
- No one thinks
they should be here.
- Hey, Im glad you're all here.
We all have things
we keep inside,
Stuff we don't want to share.
By the time we're finished,
I'm hoping we've all grown
into something
Bigger than ourselves.
- Trees grow tall,
and then the trees fall!
- What the...
- But the river...
The river only goes one way.
- Sir,
this is a private meeting.
I'd appreciate it
if you'd moved on.
- Is he part of the program?
- Somebody grab the camera.
I think we just found bigfoot.
- God damn it, s. T.U.M.P.S.
What in the name
of sweet Lorraine
Is going on out here?
Oh, hello, Meeks.
- (Laughs)
Fire's a fire.
I'm just keeping warm.
That's all.
- You got my invitation
to the party then.
Oh, you know, that's funny,
'Cause I didn't send you one.
Now, I want you to clear out
of here
And stop interrupting
my angry sleep.
I've got this campground
for the next six days,
And that means six days,
I don't see you,
I don't hear you, and I sure as
hell don't want to smell you.
Savvy?
- Yeah.
Well, now,
We all got things
we want to hide,
And we all
just want to be wanted.
(Chuckles)
Oh, and while
you're sleeping tonight,
All nice and cozy,
Look out for them little...
Them little critters,
Because they like to find
a nice little warm spot
To crawl up into, you know...
(Gibbers wildly)
(Laughing)
- Jesus.
- Yahoo!
(Laughs)
- Holy sh*t.
- You just met
some of the local wildlife.
His name is Meeks...
Lives up here on the mountain.
Pretty sure he's harmless.
- Pretty sure?
- All right, everybody.
Let's get back to the session.
- No, no, no, session's over.
You s. T.U.M.P.S needs to get
some shut-Eye.
0500 comes awfully early
in the morning.
- 5:
00?Is he crazy?
- Move out, s. T.U.M.P.S.
Let's go.
Hit the hay.
- 5:
00.I don't even think my clock
has a five on it.
- We'll continue this later.
- Good night, sister.
- Where have you been?
- Shh.
Shut up and f*** me.
- (Chuckles)
There you go.
Yeah.
- (Giggles)
(Gasps)
- (Clears throat)
of the camp.
If you do it again,
I have to write you up,
And that means you're gone.
- Here.
- So, Trish, out.
Now.
- Thanks.
(Sighs)
- What happened?
- You were snoring.
- Oh, sorry.
- Morning, ladies.
Stop dreaming.
Time to wake up
to the nightmare.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Drop your c*cks
and grab your socks.
We're going on a hike!
- Another beautiful day
in paradise, chicken little.
- I hope you enjoyed your
accommodations last evening.
Compared to today,
It's gonna feel like
a five-Star resort.
Today we are going on a hike.
Going off-Road.
We're going to blaze
our own trail.
(Knock on door)
- Wow, this is nice in here.
Fire, mini fridge...
reading material.
A guide to eastern philosophies
and religion?
I'm shocked; you read.
- It's just the next book
I throw on the fire.
- Can you do me a favor
and leave that behind?
You're intimidating enough
without it.
- (Growls)
You happy?
- Yeah.
- Well, good for you.
- Yeah.
- Well, I hope you can keep up.
March.
Move it out.
Move!
Left! Left!
Left, right, left!
Left! Left!
Left, right, left!
Tell me, happy hour,
when you had to walk the line,
Was it left, right, left?
Your field sobriety test,
do you remember?
Or were you too blacked out?
And you.
You like to fight, huh?
When Im done with you,
you'll be able to take on
A whole battalion!
I'm sure
that'll make your daddy proud!
Left, right, left!
Left, right, left!
Do you have two left feet, son?
Left, right, left,
wasted space!
Make a hell of
a ballroom dancer.
Chicken little, Im sorry.
There's no internet out here.
You cannot Google
left, right, left.
Very good, thornbush.
I like your intensity.
Your attitude may actually work
for you out here.
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All:
I look ahead,who do I see?
- Louder!
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All:
I look ahead,who do I see?
- it's sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
All:
it's sergeant Hoke,that s. O.B.
- Now you're getting it!
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All:
I look ahead,who do I see?
- sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
All:
sergeant Hoke,that s. O.B.
- a life of crime
is not for me
All:
a life of crimeis not for me
- Ill contribute to society
All:
Ill contributeto society
(Adventurous music)
- Move! Move!
Up that hill.
Go! Move!
Go, go, go, go.
Keep up, people, or I will
leave you on this mountain.
Move, move, move!
Up that hill.
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
Navigate through those trunks.
These stumps represent you.
This is what you are.
You are stumps.
You want to grow
into those mighty trees.
That's what you want to be.
- (Gibbers)
(Chuckles)
(Laughing)
(Gibbering)
(Laughs and gibbers)
Your move.
(Laughs)
- All right, s. T.U.M.P.S!
Get across that river.
This is where we'll picnic
for lunch.
Move, move, move!
Please join me for a meal
Prepared by the great state
of Minnesota,
The correctional department,
and my own two loving hands.
(Inhales and exhales sharply)
Not doing too bad.
- For a cube rat.
- Right.
- You wouldn't really
leave me behind, would you?
- Oh, absolutely.
- I'll kill for a burger
and fries right now.
- How about just a shake?
- Yo, this dude's crazy.
I can't do this all week.
I'm out of here.
- I don't know, man.
- You want to be worked
to death?
- I don't want to work at all.
- Who's with me?
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"Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/axe_giant:_the_wrath_of_paul_bunyan_3345>.
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