Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation

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- That's a little scary.

- Stop trying to wear me out.

l think--You know, you have a real hang-up

with the term ''stalker.''

No, l just fail to see how you showing up

at my museum every day...

for, like, two weeks

makes me the stalker...

when clearly it makes you

the stalker.

The most important thing to remember here--

Hand, please.

These past two months...

have really, truly been

the happiest two months...

- of your life.

- [ Laughs ]

- l love you.

- Love you too.

- There you go.

W-Wait. Excuse me.

[ Singsongy ] Son of a b*tch.

l keep telling this guy no olives...

and he keeps bringing me olives,

and that's a problem because--

- You hate olives.

- l hate olives! l hate olives.

Don't move. l'm on it.

There. Crisis averted.

You know, usually l would be

completely disgusted...

with someone sticking their fingers

into my drink, but with you, not so much.

ln fact, it, uh-- Mmm.

lt adds a certain Melinda ''zestiness'' to it.

Well, we make a good team.

Yes, we do.

Well, l am going to go powder my nose.

[ Clears Throat ]

Oh. Do me a favor--

lf the waiter comes back...

would you make sure

there are no olives in my cake?

l like that.

Spence! Spence.

All right, man, it's time.

- Time for what?

- lt's time for me to get engaged.

You were gonna put this

in her sundae, remember?

- [ Whistles ]

- Oh, yeah. Right. Nice rock.

Oh. Thanks.

[ Groaning ]

Oh, boy.

Oh. Sorry. lt was packed.

- l just had to fight for a mirror.

- [ Laughs ]

Here we are.

A sundae for the gentleman.

And chocolate cake for the lady.

Actually, l think that she had

the sundae and l had the cake.

Oh, okay, yeah. Got it.

Mmm.

So, Mel...

l'm glad you stalked me...

'cause, um...

l never met anyone

like you before...

and l, uh-- l know that...

we've only been dating

a little while, but...

l just feel like

l have known you my--

my-my whole-- my whole life.

Are you chewing that?

[ Woman ]

Oh, my God! PraiseJesus!

PraiseJesus! Oh, Calvin!

I knew you'd do it.

Excuse me one second.Just wanna take that--

[ Chuckles ]

Just a little quick

search for something.

All right. Be right back.

- [ Woman ] I'm calling Mama.

- Hi. Hi.

- l'm sorry. l think there's been a mistake.

- Mama!

l'm getting married, Mama.

Ma'am? Ma'am? Pardon me. Pardon me.

That's my ring.

Hang on, Mama.

May l help you?

Yes.

l'm so sorry,

but l think the waiter...

mistakenly brought you

the wrong sundae.

You see, that-that's

my grandmother's ring.

l think you better go sit over there

before my fianc here...

''whups'' your ass.

Okay, how about

l buy both of your dinners?

Good? Yes. Except l'm gonna

need that back though, so--

- Ow!

- Okay, baby, ''whup'' his ass!

- Uh, baby, the thing is--

- The thing is...

I haven't waited 1 7 years

on your sorry ass...

to let this white shadow

come and spoil my engagement.

lt's either you whup his ass,

Calvin...

or l'll whup yours.

Yeah.

You need to go now.

- Right.

- [ Woman ] Mama? Yes!

Um, how about--

It's beautiful.

Thief! Help!

[ Shouting ]

- [ Groaning ]

- Give me my ring!

Give me my ring!

- [ Siren Blares ]

- [ Chuckles ]

Well, this wasn't exactly

what l had planned.

[ Police Radio Chatter ]

Look. l know we haven't

been together long...

but you know when

something just feels right...

and you don't want

that feeling to end?

Okay, Romeo, save it

for your cell mate.

Whoa. Clancy.

Give the kid a minute.

- Thank you.

- No problem.

Long story short.

l love you.

- l love you.

- Will, uh--

Will you, uh--

- Will you marry me?

- Yes, l will marry you.

[ Both Laughing ]

Okay. Congrats and all that.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used

against you in a court of law.

l'm gonna go now.

Dude, are you f***in'with me?

''Congratulations'' might be the more

appropriate response here, Derek.

You've only dated her

for two months.

l've had this cold sore

longer than that.

This coming from a guy

who's been married three times.

Have you learned nothing

from me, man?

l am a cautionary tale.

l am Jesus.

l have suffered for your sins.

- [ Farts ]

- [ Groans ] Please let that be a fart.

[ Farts ]

Yeah, baby! Suck it, losers.

Ooh!

[ Laughs ]

Okay. That was definitely

not a fart.

You know, l think that ''biatch'' is feeding this

thing lndian food just to screw with me.

- [ Babbling ]

- [ Both Groan ]

Yeah, you did a poop.

Yeah.

Any of you need changing?

Hey, where's, uh--

Where's Seth? He's up.

He's looking for a ball. Didn't have time

to stop at home and get his.

We're in a bowling alley.

How hard is it to find a ball?

[ Boy ]

All right! I'll take it!

Sorry, fellas.

l'm on the D.L. tonight.

l don't think there's a disabled list

for rec league bowling, buddy.

Ron, how can you abandon me

with these two losers?

l'm not abandoning anybody.

Just 'cause l'm getting married doesn't mean

l'm not gonna be here for bowling night...

or fishing weekend orJason's

biannual ''porno palooza.''

You know, nothing's gonna change.

Yeah. Well, that's what l thought.

Now if you'll excuse me,

l gotta get little sh*t machine...

back to his gold-digging

whore of a mother, huh?

Hey, don't forget your ball.

[ Chattering ]

l was talking with the mayor...

and l put a bug in his ear about having

the reception at the opera house.

You know, Mom, we were thinking

of having a small, simple wedding.

[ Laughs ]

Honestly, Melinda.

We're not Amish.

- [ Doorbell Rings ]

- l'll get it.

- Oh, my little sister's engaged!

- [ Laughs ]

Hi, beautiful.

- Hi, Todd.

- Sorry. l can't hear.

He's always working.

Let me ask you something.

ls it wrong to want

to tap sister-in-law ass?

Right. Oh. l gotta go.

- [ Clears Throat ]

- Honey.

- Yes?

- Does this remind you of when we got engaged?

- How could l forget?

- Let's go on a second honeymoon.

Someplace romantic.

Maybe make a baby.

Hey, there's your dad.

Hey. Abe.

Did you hear the one about the horny jockey

and the Venezuelan stable boy?

[ Laughing ]

No, but l think l like it already.

- [ Todd ] It's delicious.

- [ Doorbell Rings ]

- [ Children Chattering ln Chinese ]

- Hi, guys.

[ Chattering Continues ]

Speak English, huh?

English!

Look, go watch some TV, huh?

[ Speaks Chinese ]

- They're so cute.

- Sorry about that.

They're from the second marriage.

The ex only lets them speak to me

in Mandarin, the hairy ass crack.

- Yeah.

- Anyways--

- Congratulations.

- Oh. Thank you.

- Here.

- Oh. Sure. Uh--

Okay.

JJ [ Humming ]

Oh!

How's my baby?

My mother's killing me

with wedding crap.

- Mmm.

- l seriously don't think

l can take another year of this.

Mmm. Well, we could

just elope, of course.

Then she'd kill both of us.

What are you doing?

You.

- Mmm! Baby, we're in the pantry.

- Oh! That's a good point.

[ lnhales ]

[ Laughing ]

What are you doing?

- Oh, my God.

- J Sex elevator J

Ding.

[ Laughs ]

You are so stupid.

Hey. Would it kill you

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