Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation
- That's a little scary.
- Stop trying to wear me out.
l think--You know, you have a real hang-up
with the term ''stalker.''
No, l just fail to see how you showing up
at my museum every day...
for, like, two weeks
makes me the stalker...
when clearly it makes you
the stalker.
The most important thing to remember here--
Hand, please.
These past two months...
have really, truly been
the happiest two months...
- of your life.
- [ Laughs ]
- l love you.
- Love you too.
- There you go.
W-Wait. Excuse me.
[ Singsongy ] Son of a b*tch.
l keep telling this guy no olives...
and he keeps bringing me olives,
and that's a problem because--
- You hate olives.
- l hate olives! l hate olives.
Don't move. l'm on it.
There. Crisis averted.
You know, usually l would be
completely disgusted...
with someone sticking their fingers
into my drink, but with you, not so much.
ln fact, it, uh-- Mmm.
lt adds a certain Melinda ''zestiness'' to it.
Well, we make a good team.
Yes, we do.
Well, l am going to go powder my nose.
[ Clears Throat ]
Oh. Do me a favor--
lf the waiter comes back...
would you make sure
there are no olives in my cake?
l like that.
Spence! Spence.
All right, man, it's time.
- Time for what?
- lt's time for me to get engaged.
You were gonna put this
in her sundae, remember?
- [ Whistles ]
- Oh, yeah. Right. Nice rock.
Oh. Thanks.
[ Groaning ]
Oh, boy.
Oh. Sorry. lt was packed.
- l just had to fight for a mirror.
- [ Laughs ]
Here we are.
A sundae for the gentleman.
And chocolate cake for the lady.
Actually, l think that she had
the sundae and l had the cake.
Oh, okay, yeah. Got it.
Mmm.
So, Mel...
l'm glad you stalked me...
'cause, um...
l never met anyone
like you before...
and l, uh-- l know that...
we've only been dating
a little while, but...
l just feel like
l have known you my--
my-my whole-- my whole life.
Are you chewing that?
[ Woman ]
Oh, my God! PraiseJesus!
PraiseJesus! Oh, Calvin!
I knew you'd do it.
Excuse me one second.Just wanna take that--
[ Chuckles ]
Just a little quick
search for something.
All right. Be right back.
- [ Woman ] I'm calling Mama.
- Hi. Hi.
- l'm sorry. l think there's been a mistake.
- Mama!
l'm getting married, Mama.
Ma'am? Ma'am? Pardon me. Pardon me.
That's my ring.
Hang on, Mama.
May l help you?
Yes.
l'm so sorry,
but l think the waiter...
mistakenly brought you
the wrong sundae.
You see, that-that's
my grandmother's ring.
l think you better go sit over there
before my fianc here...
''whups'' your ass.
Okay, how about
l buy both of your dinners?
Good? Yes. Except l'm gonna
need that back though, so--
- Ow!
- Okay, baby, ''whup'' his ass!
- Uh, baby, the thing is--
- The thing is...
I haven't waited 1 7 years
on your sorry ass...
to let this white shadow
come and spoil my engagement.
lt's either you whup his ass,
Calvin...
or l'll whup yours.
Yeah.
You need to go now.
- Right.
- [ Woman ] Mama? Yes!
Um, how about--
It's beautiful.
Thief! Help!
[ Shouting ]
- [ Groaning ]
- Give me my ring!
Give me my ring!
- [ Siren Blares ]
- [ Chuckles ]
Well, this wasn't exactly
what l had planned.
Look. l know we haven't
been together long...
but you know when
something just feels right...
and you don't want
that feeling to end?
Okay, Romeo, save it
for your cell mate.
Whoa. Clancy.
Give the kid a minute.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
Long story short.
l love you.
- l love you.
- Will, uh--
Will you, uh--
- Will you marry me?
- Yes, l will marry you.
[ Both Laughing ]
Okay. Congrats and all that.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
l'm gonna go now.
Dude, are you f***in'with me?
''Congratulations'' might be the more
appropriate response here, Derek.
You've only dated her
for two months.
l've had this cold sore
longer than that.
This coming from a guy
who's been married three times.
Have you learned nothing
from me, man?
l am a cautionary tale.
l am Jesus.
l have suffered for your sins.
- [ Farts ]
- [ Groans ] Please let that be a fart.
[ Farts ]
Yeah, baby! Suck it, losers.
Ooh!
[ Laughs ]
Okay. That was definitely
not a fart.
You know, l think that ''biatch'' is feeding this
thing lndian food just to screw with me.
- [ Babbling ]
- [ Both Groan ]
Yeah, you did a poop.
Yeah.
Any of you need changing?
Hey, where's, uh--
Where's Seth? He's up.
He's looking for a ball. Didn't have time
to stop at home and get his.
We're in a bowling alley.
How hard is it to find a ball?
[ Boy ]
All right! I'll take it!
Sorry, fellas.
l'm on the D.L. tonight.
l don't think there's a disabled list
for rec league bowling, buddy.
Ron, how can you abandon me
with these two losers?
l'm not abandoning anybody.
Just 'cause l'm getting married doesn't mean
l'm not gonna be here for bowling night...
or fishing weekend orJason's
biannual ''porno palooza.''
You know, nothing's gonna change.
Yeah. Well, that's what l thought.
Now if you'll excuse me,
l gotta get little sh*t machine...
back to his gold-digging
whore of a mother, huh?
Hey, don't forget your ball.
[ Chattering ]
l was talking with the mayor...
and l put a bug in his ear about having
the reception at the opera house.
You know, Mom, we were thinking
of having a small, simple wedding.
[ Laughs ]
Honestly, Melinda.
We're not Amish.
- [ Doorbell Rings ]
- l'll get it.
- Oh, my little sister's engaged!
- [ Laughs ]
Hi, beautiful.
- Hi, Todd.
- Sorry. l can't hear.
He's always working.
Let me ask you something.
ls it wrong to want
to tap sister-in-law ass?
Right. Oh. l gotta go.
- [ Clears Throat ]
- Honey.
- Yes?
- Does this remind you of when we got engaged?
- How could l forget?
- Let's go on a second honeymoon.
Someplace romantic.
Maybe make a baby.
Hey, there's your dad.
Hey. Abe.
Did you hear the one about the horny jockey
and the Venezuelan stable boy?
[ Laughing ]
No, but l think l like it already.
- [ Todd ] It's delicious.
- [ Doorbell Rings ]
- [ Children Chattering ln Chinese ]
- Hi, guys.
[ Chattering Continues ]
Speak English, huh?
English!
Look, go watch some TV, huh?
[ Speaks Chinese ]
- They're so cute.
- Sorry about that.
They're from the second marriage.
The ex only lets them speak to me
in Mandarin, the hairy ass crack.
- Yeah.
- Anyways--
- Congratulations.
- Oh. Thank you.
- Here.
- Oh. Sure. Uh--
Okay.
JJ [ Humming ]
Oh!
How's my baby?
My mother's killing me
with wedding crap.
- Mmm.
- l seriously don't think
l can take another year of this.
Mmm. Well, we could
just elope, of course.
Then she'd kill both of us.
What are you doing?
You.
- Mmm! Baby, we're in the pantry.
- Oh! That's a good point.
[ lnhales ]
[ Laughing ]
What are you doing?
- Oh, my God.
- J Sex elevator J
Ding.
[ Laughs ]
You are so stupid.
Hey. Would it kill you
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