Bad Asses Page #5

---

is Agent Brown...

- from the F.D.A.

- C.D.A. Health Commission.

We've been here all

of 15 minutes...

and we've discovered two

severe health code violations.

You wanna tell me how

you got in here?

Boy, don't worry

about how we got in.

If I were you, I'd worry about how

we shut this toxic shithole down.

Now go get your

supervisor for me.

And if I were you, I'd

show me a f***in' badge.

Mr. Brown, show him the badge.

What?

Just show it to him.

Badges? We don't need

no stinkin' badges.

What the hell type of answer was that?

I didn't know what to say!

It's called improvising. You'd better learn

how to do it 'fore you get us both killed.

You'd better learn

to shut your mouth!

Is that the kind of respect I get for

helpin' your ass? I don't need your help!

We give up!

So what time is

dinner being served?

I can't imagine it's

gonna be chicken.

Why have chicken...

when you Americans

love my fresh meat?

You gentlemen just

don't give up, do you?

That's commendable.

But I told you it

wouldn't stick.

Yeah, it's gonna stick.

Oh, you see, that's where

you are wrong, Mr. Vega.

I am what you might

call untouchable.

I can do whatever I want

in your pathetic country.

If I want to go 120 down

P.C.H., I can do that.

If I want to sell drugs to the

neighborhood, I can do that.

If I want to kill...

one of my dealers who's

stealing from me,

well,

you know I can do that.

So what you're saying...

is that you're just a

low-life drug dealer.

I'm an entrepreneur.

I'm building an

empire for my family,

just like your beloved Kennedys.

They made their millions

bootlegging alcohol.

I'm doing the same

thing, but with drugs.

Es lo mismo.

The only difference

is I'm above the law.

You see? Untouchable.

Now,

you and I have a little

score to settle.

Replace the inventory

you destroyed,

or pay me one-quarter

million dollars in damages.

Reach into my fanny pack

and get my checkbook.

Miabuelo had an old saying-.

"Un testiculo por un testiculo."

Now,

I know it's similar to the

"eye for an eye" thing,

but it's more graphic,

more relatable.

And besides, I just

like it better.

So...

in exchange for you

taking something from me,

I'm going to take

something from you.

Sound fair?

My people on the inside...

tell me you've become pretty

close with Manny Parkes' mom.

Yeah.

I find that very sweet.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

Oh, but you know exactly

what I'm talking about.

Leave her out of this.

She's got nothing to do with it.

She has everything

to do with this.

Just like clockwork.

Unfortunately, I must leave.

But I'm sure you'll find you're in

good hands with these two gentlemen.

Let's make it real

cozy for them, guys.

Drop it down to three degrees.

Caballeros.

I bid you adios.

"I love to hear the

wind, Patty says."

"And I love how things look beautiful

in the rain, says Alice."

"Well, I love snowflakes, says Jasmine."

"When I watch them float

around, I want to dance."

Did you just read that?

Yes, I did.

You, mi chica,

continue to amaze me.

Uh, stay here, honey. Okay?

Get the f*** up and check

the rest of the house!

Sh*t.

Christ!

Sh*t don't look good.

There's gotta be a way outta here.

Yeah.

Not until we freeze over and they slide

our asses out in one big ice cube.

Oww!

Yeah, that c-c-cold

hurts, don't it?

No.

I cut myself.

With what?

With Julia's bracelet.

Th-Th-The charms are

as sharp as razors.

Hey. Hey.

No!

You've made progress,

but still not enough.

You still want it?

Damn Mexican MacGyver!

Hang on, buddy. Hang on.

Hurry up, man.

My left nut is frostbit. Sh*t.

Okay, guy. Ready?

Oh, sh*t.

All right, man.

You got it. You got it.

Oh, sh*t. You all right?

Okay-Oh, sh...

Whoo.

It's just my fake hip.

I gotta realign it.

Yeah. All right. I'm okay.

All right, let's go.

Out cold, b*tches.

Yeah. Come on. Let's go.

You made him wait? You a clever

Mexican, man!

Yeah, and you're

gonna pay, b*tch.

Hey, hey, you-you

taco-eatin' motherf...

I'm really sorry things ended up

the way they did, Senora Parkes.

Especially with your son.

But it's time for a new

chapter in your life.

I think you'll make somebody

very happy in Argentina.

Or the Middle East. I hear they

go crazy for Latinas. Who knew?

Julia! Julia!

Rosaria! Julia!

Julia!

Julia! Julia!

Help! Help! Help! Help!

Ooh. Oh, baby.

Oh-oh! Okay, okay. Okay, okay.

It's all right.

It's all right. It's okay.

It's okay.

I heard a few different voices.

They made a lot of

scary noises...

and took Mommy with them.

Don't worry, sweetheart.

We're gonna find your mommy.

They could be anywhere

by now, Frank.

You can always find

her on your phone.

What? Remember? Let me show you.

Oh!

That's right!

You're a good neighbor, Diane.

It's okay. Don't worry, Mr.

Vega.

She's in good hands.

Yeah, I know. Thank you so much.

You'll be all right.

Okay, sweetheart?

Please bring back my mommy.

I promise.

Come on.

Hey-hey! Hey!

What happened to the cab?

Are you kiddin'?

That was a $90 fare.

I couldn't afford to

keep it here any longer.

How we supposed to get there now?

I didn't see you-.

Someone call for a Bronco?

They're heading towards

the mountains.

Doesn't this thing

go any faster?

You're lucky this

thing even runs.

We f***in' hired the

dumbest people.

Sh*t!

Oh, you stupid motherf***er.

Vega and his f***in'

buddy got away.

We need to find them

before they find us,

and we gotta figure out what the

f*** we're gonna do with her.

Put Drake in the sky.

We getting close?

I can't tell.

There's three dots on the screen.

- I don't know which is which.

- Just pick one.

There they are!

Stay on their tail!

What the hell?

They got a

ghetto bird after us!

- Damn!

- Hold on.

I knew the four-wheel drive

would come in handy one day.

Sh*t! Where'd those

old bastards go?

D.M.V. don't know sh*t!

This boy's got mad skills!

Hold on, baby. We're goin' suicide!

Oh, sh*t!

Ain't no 20-year-old got

reflexes like that.

All right, let's see 'em follow

us through this. Oh, yeah.

Yeah! I think

we lost those a**holes!

Oh, sh*t!

We gotta shake 'em off!

Where the hell you get that?

Parting gift from

The Expendables.

Ah! Take that!

How you like us now, b*tch?

Did I ever tell you I really

like that fanny pack?

Mama always said, no driving like a

maniac 30 minutes after you eat.

- Here.

- Okay.

You all right?

I don't how much longer I got,

but if I'm gonna go out,

I'm gonna go out in style.

There they are.

I think they're on us. What?

Goddamn it!

This motherf***er won't stop!

Pull up next to him!

Come on! Go, go, go!

Shoot him!

Son of a b*tch! Sh*t.

Come on! Catch him!

- Come on! Catch up to him!

- I ain't gettin' my ass shot at again.

- I said catch 'em!

- You a mean son of a b*tch. You know that?

Sh*t!

Hey, you f***in' p*ssy! I got

a f***in' ice pick in my eye!

So suck it up and let's

get the hell out of here!

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