Bad Hair Day Page #2

I didn't say that.

You implied it.

I don't think I did.

Look, no offense, but if you

really are a private investigator,

you're a pretty terrible one.

How long have I been in your house?

I don't know.

Thirty seconds? Thirty seconds.

Thirty seconds and here's

what I've learned about you.

Okay, you're a high school senior.

You're allergic to nickel.

You're young for your class.

You're dating a jock-politician

who's popular but soulless.

You live alone with Dad, no siblings,

because Mom left, when you were very young.

How'd I do?

How did you...?

Your class ring is from this year.

It's pewter, not gold, so, no nickel.

And on the mantel is

your middle school diploma

from 3 years ago, so you skipped a year.

And then there on the fridge

is this cute little picture of you and

Mr. Wonderful, eleven cause ribbons.

Enough said.

Now, onto the color brown.

Color clearly chosen by a man who had

absolutely no input from his wife.

And since I can't see a single

picture of a mom anywhere,

I'm guessing she left a long time ago,

and you guys are not happy about it.

The only thing that I can't figure out

is what the heck is

going on with your hair.

Well, you're wrong about my boyfriend.

He's not soulless. Oh, he's not.

He helps orphans. He helps orphans.

He helps orphans.

Oh, my gosh, I didn't know that.

He does.

We can go back and forth like this all

day or you can give me the necklace

and I can arrange for you to get a reward.

Well, I don't have the

necklace. Yes, you do.

I know you got it at a pawn

shop couple of weeks ago.

How could you possibly know that?

Because the owner showed

me the credit card record.

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

He fell for the FBI thing.

All 5'1" of it.

Wait here.

Mm-hmm.

Eleven cause ribbons.

I don't think so.

Mmm.

Dippy eggs.

Oh.

Is everything okay?

No, no. It's good. It's good.

It's just that you know,

I really am... I'm just...

I'm just...

This brown is really,

it's really growing on me.

Here's the deal.

I know where your necklace is.

But I don't want a reward, I want a ride.

What? Today's my prom.

I've suffered some logistical setbacks.

I need four things. Hair, dress, shoes,

and I have to take my driver's test today.

Today? Long story.

I'll get you your necklace.

But you need to drive

me to these places first.

No, no... It'll

only be a few hours.

And then we both get what we want.

Fine.

You may want to put a hat on that first.

Hello?

Hello!

Hello!

Forgive the dramatic entrance,

but I'm in a bit of a rush.

I'm looking for a certain necklace.

A ne... a

necklace?

What is all this stuff? Nothing.

It doesn't look like nothing.

It looks like some highly illegal

aftermarket surveillance gear.

That's a high-frequency

radar jammer, right?

That's like, police-level.

Though you may want to tune to the

KA band to decrease frequency noise.

You're pretty savvy for someone

who can't use a curling iron.

Is that a gun? No, no.

That is not...

That's not, okay.

That is a non-lethal high

voltage stunning apparatus.

Sweet. No, it's not sweet.

It is very unsweet, okay?

That thing can drop an elephant at 25 feet.

What's with the red button?

Don't touch the red button.

But I want to touch the red button.

Haven't you seen movies, okay?

Nothing good ever comes out of it

when someone touches the red button.

So...

did this bucket of bolts used

to be a cab or something?

What? Okay, so.

Brando is a custom

super-charged in-line

eight police-caliber powerhouse, okay.

He has bulletproof glass.

That's right. That's right.

Sixteen-channel

emergency-band radio

and right there is built in video

surveillance panel, seat warmers.

Ooh.

"Brando?"

Your car has a name.

Yeah. After Marlon Brando.

The most famous actor of

our time, Marlon Brando.

Nothing... See, that

is amazing to me.

I don't understand that. I don't.

Why can't I get a signal?

Because Brando, he's got magnetic

shielding, jams infrared.

I can't get a signal in this thing?

No.

But I've been, like, offline for 6 minutes.

Tonight's my prom and I'm

running for prom queen.

Do you know how much I've already missed?

How many posts? Status updates?

Emails? Good.

I don't trust that stuff.

It's bad news, it's a way

for people to track you

and know exactly where you are.

But I want people to know where I am.

Yeah, we actually have apps for that.

Pal Spotter.

Pal Spotter. Yeah.

It lets people know where

everyone is, at every second.

That is terrifying to me, right.

Okay, here's what you

need, here's what you need.

You need one of these. Okay.

No one has any idea where I am, all right?

It doesn't even hold

contacts, I don't think.

Built in 2002.

Oh, no. Water Polo Hotties.

Hide. "Water Polo Hotties"?

Is it like a gang?

What is it?

They... They don't

look very dangerous.

They go to my school.

I can't let them see

me in this freakmobile.

I'm sorry, freakmobile?

Did you just... You called

Brando a freakmobile.

All right, let's play that game.

Wait, wait. No, please.

Hey, you with the stupid glasses.

Yeah, you.

Turn your radio down.

It's a nuisance.

Municipal Code 5617-1B.

What's your problem?

Monica?

Is that you?

Hi, Braiden.

Aiden. Jasper.

Toby. Other Aiden.

Congrats on your win last night.

That 3-3 offense is really

working for you guys.

Thanks.

See you.

Turn the music down please.

Wait. You're a cop?

Not really.

You can get one of these for $21.99.

Pull over!

Pull your little mop art over!

Take your energy-efficient

vehicle and stop it!

There you go.

What are you doing?

Don't get out of the car.

Sunglasses off now!

Guess what?

I have a windshield cam, it caught you

littering on a public road. Yeah.

So see, I'm within my rights

to perform a citizen's arrest

and have you turned

over to the authorities,

yeah, which is a $500

fine or two nights in jail.

Your choice.

But guess since you're such pretty boys,

you don't want to do that, right?

So, pull back, pick up your drink

and dispose of it properly.

Okay?

Yes, ma'am.

Ma'am. That's right.

Ma'am.

Get some haircuts.

All of you.

You look ridiculous.

Buckle up, sweetpea.

I can't believe that just happened.

That just happened.

Sorry!

Do you have any idea how

many votes that probably cost me?

Votes? What, are

you running for office?

For prom queen.

I had the election locked up last night.

And now I'm falling behind.

You have real time polling

data for prom queen election?

Yes. That is why you were cozying

up to those water polo delinquents.

They aren't delinquents!

They are really sweet, really hot guys

who happen to be slightly disrespectful

of the city's sanitation rules.

And why do you care about

littering laws, anyway?

I thought PI's were supposed to be cool.

Hey, Sarah. I'm sure they are.

Am, I am. Look, why are we here?

I have a hair appointment, and

I need to return my dress.

Girl! That color looks great on you.

I got your vote tonight, right?

Oh, you are really desperate for votes.

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