Bad Hair Day Page #3

Listen, I care about my community.

And I happen to care about

what they think of me, okay?

It sounds exhausting.

That's why I work alone.

How's that going for you, Miss Cheerful?

Tommy, I saw the pics from the sit-in.

You know, I really hope you

guys save those wetlands.

Yeah.

Then you can get back to your drum circle.

Okay.

PS, thanks for the samurai

work you did on our website.

I told you. It's all about

search engine optimization.

Rad hat, by the way.

Ski hats, this year's berets.

You know what I'm saying? Totally.

So, I've got your vote tonight, right?

Hey, you've got my vote.

So who is this?

Uh...

she is my Aunt Hilda.

She's colorblind.

Oh, no, I'm really sorry

to hear about that.

I mean... Yeah.

It's sad.

I sit at stoplights all day

wondering, "Do I stay?

Do I go?"

Okay. Bye.

Bye. I'll see you tonight.

Bye.

Really?

"Colorblind Aunt Hilda"?

Would you prefer "creepy private eye

strangely obsessed with a

piece of costume jewelry"?

Why colorblind? And

why Hilda? I don't know.

I don't even know your real name.

I somehow doubt it's Liz McRogersberger.

It is Liz, all right?

Liz Morgan.

Oh, hey, Sierra's here.

Who? Where?

Right there... there.

Oh, great. There's another one of you.

Hey!

You're here!

I thought you were stuck at home.

Well, I got a ride.

Oh. Hi.

I'm Sierra.

Who are you? Who is she?

I'm Hilda. She's Liz.

Long story. What's up?

Okay. I am totally freaking out.

I'm second guessing my colors for tonight.

Oh, I wish I could help you.

But I'm colorblind so

it ain't gonna happen.

Stop it. You started it.

Okay, okay, okay.

So did you hear Steph and Zoey

both got in off the waitlist.

We're all going to State.

Monica, you have to go.

It's going to be such a blast.

I know, I know,

it's... Oh, no.

I'm gonna be late.

Okay! Okay!

Whoo! What's all this about State?

Ooh, I want to go to State.

State sounds great.

I'm trying to decide

which college to go to.

And, you know, all my friends are

going to go to State next year.

But I got into one

other place. What's that?

The University of I Can't Do Hair?

MIT.

What?

You got into the Massachusetts

Institute of Technology,

and you're debating that or State?

How is that even a choice in your head?

Because everybody I know

is going to State, okay.

At MIT, I would...

I'd be a nobody.

And that's a bad thing?

Hi. Uh, Monica Reeves.

I have an 11:
30.

It's 11:
33.

Yeah, I'm a smidge late.

We gave your spot away. What?

Well, it's prom day.

There's no room for error.

"There's no room for error."

Okay. Please.

I mean, I... Look at this.

You're speechless now, aren't you?

Be quiet.

If something opens up, I'll buzz you.

Okay, that is ridiculous, okay?

It's hair, not all-you-can-eat

appetizers and cheesecake.

Is this your mother?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

She's my Aunt Hilda. She's colorblind.

Well, tell her to stop talking

or we won't take you at all.

Hey, you know what?

I'm colorblind, not deaf,

right? I can hear you.

I just can't tell if that

color looks good on you.

Bye-bye now.

What is wrong with you?

What? She started it.

Have you never been inside a salon before?

You've never been inside a salon before.

Okay.

Who cuts your hair? I do.

Figures.

Oh, yeah. You're one to judge.

Hello?

Anyone here?

Which one's better?

I don't know.

They both block the sun, right?

Why did you just take

a picture of yourself?

I'm polling my peeps.

You're what-ing your what?

I, um... I build

these websites.

Little online surveys, let

people weigh in on my decisions.

Oh, 'cause heaven forbid,

you get the wrong sunglasses?

Hey. It's Marketing 101.

I mean, these little choices are important.

People are either going

to accept you or reject you

based on their first impression.

Or you could just be yourself and not

really care what other people think?

$540!

$540.

That's $540.

Yeah. So?

What? There's been a mistake.

There's been a mistake.

I-I-It's two pieces

of plastic and a label.

Here, try them on. No, no, no.

If I drop them, I'd have

to mortgage my house.

Hey!

Kinda hot.

Oh... Wow!

That's what you're paying for.

I can almost see in color again.

Hey. Can I help you two?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I'm actually here to

return this little dress.

Whoa!

Monica, what did you do to your dress?

I'm guessing the same

thing you did to your hair.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I... I didn't... I

didn't do anything.

It just... you know, it

spontaneously melted.

It spontaneously melted?

That's not even possible.

That can't happen.

It doesn't matter.

You have a no-questions

return policy, right?

Did you put it in a microwave?

Did you put it in the microwave?

Because I don't think we can take it

back if you put it in the microwave.

I did not put it in the microwave.

Then what did you do to it? What

is this? A police interrogation?

I steamed it.

With what? A blowtorch?

No. With water...

turned into steam...

by a humidifier.

You know with some of that

little eucalyptus vapor stuff.

It was very stiff.

Well, were you trying to

soften it or open its lungs?

I'm sorry, but we can't accept

returns with customer damage.

But I-I-I

didn't damage it.

I steamed it.

No. You vaporized it.

Monica, come on.

You vaporized your prom dress.

Hey! Whose side are you on?

It's not about being on your side.

I'm sorry. I just got to say.

Well, it's really nice to see mothers

and daughters out shopping together.

Oh, she's not my mother.

We're not related at all.

Zero chance.

My hair appointment. Okay.

This, this is not over

yet. I'm coming back.

And this lady? She's crazy.

I do not know her.

I'm not really crazy.

Hey, hey, hey, why are you upset?

You completely just cost me my dress.

Oh, I did that to your dress?

Yes! Oh, did I also do that to your hair?

You know, how about taking

some personal responsibility?

You want a new dress.

You want something new, you buy it.

Oh.

Okay, did you hear that?

You hear that, someone is being

busted for shoplifting, okay.

Someone wanted something,

and they didn't pay for it.

What?

Hello.

Ma'am, please follow me.

How's your personal

responsibility treating you now?

Really? Ma'am, please.

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Seriously.

Would a woman who dresses like this,

steal sunglasses that look like that?

Look, here's my Police Retirement

Association pension card, okay. I'm a cop.

At the moment kind

of... kind of a cop.

You don't need to know about that.

All right, ma'am. I'm gonna

let you off with a warning.

But you need to be more careful.

Think hard about the kind of example

you're setting for your daughter here.

My daughter... I'm

not her daughter!

We don't even look alike. We

don't even look like each other.

She has blue eyes, I have brown eyes.

It's just silly to me. Can we just go now?

Just go. Yes. Thank you.

Can you take those back for

me? Thanks, you're the best.

You're great at your job.

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