Bad Medicine

You seem worried,

Mr. Marx.

No, sir. I'm not worried

at all, sir.

Ok. Let's check

your application.

Your father's

a doctor.

Yes, sir.

He's a plastic sur...

Reconstructive surgeon.

Gerald Marx.

Mass general.

Top man.

Your mother, also.

Mom's a psychiatrist.

Your sister, too?

She's on staff at

the children's hospital.

Good.

Excellent genes.

Let's see how

your grades stack up.

86 average.

How did you

get in here?

Please, sir, no.

We require a 95,

Mr. Marx.

Fall semester we're

admitting two boys

Who are perfect 100s.

Two perfect boys. Come on.

So I'm not

a perfect boy,

But I'm not

Quasimodo, either.

Don't take it

personally, nitwit.

Every year

50,000 students

Apply

to medical school.

There's only room

for 15,000.

You don't understand.

You've got to accept me.

My parents will be destroyed.

They're counting on me

to be the next dr. Marx!

Who gives a sh*t?

We can't have

second-Class minds

Running around

in smocks.

Being a doctor

requires the ability

To make life

and death decisions.

Life and death.

You want life and death?

I'll show you

life and death.

Mr. Marx! Mr. Marx!

I'll show you life and death!

What are you

doing?

I'll show you...

Help!

Mr. Jeffrey.

Aah!

Ahh!

It's dinnertime,

Mr. Jeffrey.

How could

this happen?

It's over.

The legacy is dead.

It's not too late

to have another child.

Was that remark

supposed to be amusing?

You think it's amusing

That you've been

turned down

By every medical school

in the united states!

A sense of humor

is a wonderful tool, Jeff,

But I for one don't know

any funny physicians.

His problem is

That he doesn't take

anything seriously.

Because he doesn't take

himself seriously.

Phone call,

dr. Gerald.

Long distance.

You know what

your problem is, kid?

You've got...

you've got no drive,

no ambition,

No passion

for anything.

What happened, Jeff?

We know

you have the brains.

It takes extraordinary

will and desire

To become a doctor, Jeff.

Maybe you don't

want a medical career.

Is that it?

You have a choice, you know.

Like prince Charles

has a choice.

Stop avoiding, Jeff.

You want to be

a doctor or not?

You can

tell me the truth.

No.

Ahh.

Are you all right,

mother?

Mon, who knows? Maybe there's

something else I want to do.

I don't know. I never

dared think about it.

All my life you

expected me to be a doctor.

For my fifth birthday

I begged you for a fire engine.

You gave me an ambulance.

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

I never had a choice.

I did it!

I found a school

that will take him!

He made it!

We can all relax.

That's wonderful.

It's the luckiest

day in our life.

See, Jeff?

It was meant to be.

Yuh... um.

Yeah, uh, great.

Great, dad.

Good job. Excellent.

Where, Miami?

Farther south.

South of Miami?

It's gonna cost me

an arm and a leg,

But you'll have

a degree in four years.

South of Miami?

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have landed in San Vicente.

Please remain seated

until the pilot

Brings the plane

to a complete stop.

Momemto.

Hey!

Hey!

Stay away from him!

I told you guys

those Americans are mine.

Come with Pepe.

Stay away from those

guys. They're robbers.

They take you miles

out of your way

And they'll

charge you double.

Me? I'll take you

right where you're going

For the same price.

Thanks!

Is this Valencia?

No, no.

This is the suburb,

Valencia heights.

It's more expensive

to live out here

But you get

what you pay for.

I'm telling you,

Valencia's got everything

you'd possibly want...

Theaters, restaurants.

You like to eat?

You like roast beef?

See that restaurant

over there?

Let me tell you, the best

fried roast beef in the world.

If you like movies,

we got three great movies

Playing right now.

I know that looks just like

a piece of wood to you,

But that table has

been in my family

Since the American civil war.

And watch how you handle

that big trunk.

Those are my pills.

Hello.

Is someone in here?

Oh.

Oh, my god.

Oh, I can't live here.

Shh...

uh!

More filth!

Thanks a lot, dad!

Gee!

Ooh!

Ooh, god.

Ooooh! Ooh!

Steady, amigos!

That's a hockney,

Not a Christ on velvet.

Gladstone.

Marx.

Fellas, wait for me.

I'll get the door.

Momentito.

Ok.

Hola.

Hi, can I help you?

Hi, yeah. I'm Jeff Marx

from across the hall.

Hi. Cookie Katz.

What's the matter?

You're shaking.

There's a bug or a roach

or something in my bathroom.

So, step on it.

It's bigger

than my foot.

Classes

are overcrowded.

It's two

to a desk.

The lab equipment

is outdated.

The school has

only one cadaver.

It's the same one

they've been using

Since the place

opened.

It is really gross.

The school sounds like

a joke. Well it is,

But the degree is real.

Garcia!

Presente!

Peters!

Presente!

Fuega!

Presente.

Luis!

Presente.

Bolivar!

Presente.

Rivera!

Presente.

Rodriguez!

presente!

Juan Rodriguez.

Presente!

You must be Raul?

Presente.

Parker!

Presente!

Woo!

Woo!

Marrex.

Marrex.

Heffrey Marrex.

I think that's you.

Oh, I'm...

what's my name again?

Just say presente.

Presente.

The culture shock

can kill you.

Last year,

two Americans

Got in a fistfight

over time magazine.

No.

Yeah. Actual hitting.

You know, of all

the foreign students

That came in last year

I'm the only one left.

Well, you might be

the only one left

After this year, too.

All shoes must be black,

Marrex.

Keds are not

regulation.

Yeah, well, I didn't get to

that regulation yet.

I'm only on

page 600.

Two demerits.

Thanks a lot,

Sandoval.

Demerits?

It's like cub scouts.

Yeah, well,

you better be careful.

You're only allowed

10 a semester.

Buenos dias, amigos.

Hey, Carlos!

Everybody,

this is Carlos.

Buenos dias,

Carlos.

Sit down, man.

Gracias.

Hola.

So, where you

from down here?

Bronx.

What? The Bronx. I don't get it.

New York.

I'm Puerto Rican.

You're from New York?

Shh! Shh! Shh!

I thought you

were a native.

Shhh!

Good. I'm passing.

See, foreign students like you

have to pay $15,000 a semester.

Locals like me,

we pay $3,000.

$3,000?

You're the only one

Getting your

money's worth.

Yeah, well...

who runs

this asylum?

You're sitting

under him.

Ow!

Be careful next time.

Those pants

are too loud.

The pants

are too loud.

esqueala...

my hombre...

The heart

is all wrong.

His heart is all wrong.

like a lolado...

like a lo...

Shh!

Madera, Madera

mi Madre, mi padre

Madera, Madera

Oh, my god.

What happened?

He fainted.

Is he all right?

It's ok, I'm a nurse.

Stop!

You don't hit a man!

I know

what I'm doing.

Excuse me...

that's enough school

for today!

what was

that? What happened?

Sunstroke,

I guess.

Hey, I'm Jeff,

Jeff Marx.

Liz, Liz parker.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

You live

over the dorms?

Yeah.

Great

accommodations, huh?

Yes, they're nice.

Very nice.

Um, you want to go

grab some coffee

Or some bottled

water or something?

No, no, I've got too much

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