Bad Milo! Page #2

Synopsis: Duncan is an average guy who works at an average office job. But he starts to get pains in his stomach whenever he feels stressed out. Things get worse every time he tries to just hide his stress, by burying it inside. It all comes to a head when that "stress" is turned in to an actual little beast that exits his body via his butt and takes revenge on the things that stress him out. But it soon starts to threaten the one thing he loves, his wife.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Jacob Vaughan
Production: Magnolia Pictures
  1 win & 4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
62
Rotten Tomatoes:
61%
R
Year:
2013
85 min
Website
97 Views


Duncan, I presume?

Yeah. Yes.

I've heard a lot about you.

Are... are you two planning

on having a baby?

- Oh, heavens no.

- Not the way we do it.

Sc Duncan,

your mother here tells me

that you guys are having

a little trouble conceiving.

- No. No, no, no, no, no.

- No.

Sweetie, Sarah is ready.

So if your little guys

are slow swimmers,

maybe something can be done.

Wow. Beatrice, I feel like

I may have mislead you

because that is not

an issue that we're having.

Duncan, if you have a problem

with erectile dysfunction,

I can help you with that.

Look, I just thought there

might be a problem.

Your father had a problem

in that department.

- I just thought...

- I don't... I don't...

...need to know

about any of that.

Honey, sometimes we have to

hear things we don't want to hear.

It's a common affliction, Duncan.

A lot of men have it.

Not me, of course.

I'm a very virile man.

- Me neither. Super virile.

- Very virile.

I don't know you well enough for this

to feel comfortable with me.

Bobby, thank you so much

for this delicious food.

If you want,

I can set up an examination.

- I don't.

- Mmm, would you?

- I don't.

- Great idea.

In fact, maybe I can take

a look tonight while I'm here.

That would be perfect!

See if there's a response

to a stimulus.

Are you the one

doing the stimulating?

That's correct, yes.

And size has nothing to do with it.

Don't be bashful.

He's right. You know, I mean,

we don't have that problem.

- No.

- We have the opposite problem.

I mean, we have to

really take it slow.

Honey, no one cares about

the size of your willie.

I've seen it, it's beautiful.

It's way above average.

The point is progeny.

We want grandkids.

In other words, there's more

than one way to choke a chicken.

Uh, wow, that's...

That's something to think about.

Oh, look at that. It's work.

I'm gonna have to take this.

Yeah, hello?

Hey, cubie,

how's it going?

Two things. First of all,

the toilets do nut work properly.

Uh-huh.

Second point.

I've looked into the Murphy

report on your computer...

You're using my computer?

Yes, and the good news is,

I found it.

The bad news is,

I think I may have deleted

something important.

You what?

Yeah, it was a folder called

"Board of directors presentation."

What?

Are you f***ing kidding me?

I've been working on that

for a year.

Oh, my God.

This is bad.

Honestly, I was flustered

by the toilet situation.

I called the janitor.

That's going to be better.

- That will...

- Whatever, whatever.

Whatever. I'll come in tonight.

I'll take care of it.

Bye.

F***, f***, f***.

Oh, God.

Did you know that the leading

cause of divorce is children?

That's not true.

That is just what children

believe in their hearts.

Kids are a huge responsibility.

It's just a stressful

thing, honey.

I don't know if I could

do it right now.

Okay, look, I didn't say that

I wanted to have a kid today.

I don't need to have

a kid tomorrow.

Okay, good because

tomorrow I have plans.

I gotta go see the doctor.

I gotta get the car washed.

Honestly, so if you're planning

on popping out a kid,

I just don't think it's

an appropriate day to do it.

I'm just saying that...

...I want to have a family,

and I want to have a family

with you.

I know. I want to have

a baby, too.

I just...

Phil put me in charge of layoffs.

Today.

Why did you agree to that?

What am I gonna say?

All you have to really do

is just say no.

It's just...

It's not a great time

to make big changes right now.

Can we just let things

settle down a little bit?

- Okay.

- Yeah?

- All right.

- I'm sorry.

What is going on down there?

Awful things.

Godawful things.

Oh, my God.

That is the worst smell I have

ever smelled in my life.

Honey? Is this gonna

be more cf a five minute deal,

or a half hour deal?

Uh, go to bed, honey. I have

to go back to the office anyway.

- Don't wait up for me.

- Okay, be safe in there.

Don't rip anything.

I love you.

- Good night.

- Okay.

Hey.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Just, uh... slept funny.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I tell you

what happened yesterday?

Samantha's pregnant.

Can you believe it?

And not only that,

they went down to City Hall

and got married yesterday,

and they didn't even tell me

- till after the fact.

- Oh.

So crazy, she's my last friend

that I ever, ever, ever

thought would have kids,

but she has health insurance now

that she's pregnant...

The body of Alistair Mcgee

was discovered earlier

this morning by maintenance crews.

McGee died from massive blood loss

sometime during the evening.

The coroner's office reports

that the injuries were sustained

by what appears to be

an animal attack.

- Experts say it could've been...

- What?

- That's Alistair.

- Who's Alistair?

My cubie.

...focus of

a recent SEC investigation

in response to charges

of corporate fraud.

Can you imagine

what happened in there?

It must have been terrifying.

You're late.

What the hell happened?

I'm not sure. Some kind of animal

attacked Alistair last night.

Animal control says it was

probably a rabid raccoon.

Yeah, that's what they said

on the news.

It's super freaky. I got somebody

checking out my office right now.

Listen, at least you don't

have to fire him.

Bonus.

Here's how we're gonna play it.

I just want you to be straight

with them.

You're gonna give them

the package.

When you walk in,

you're gonna see the folder...

You... you want me to do this now?

You want to fire this guy today?

- You'll do fine.

- What about Jill?

Jill is great

for something like this

because she's big,

she's intimidating, she's tough.

I don't want tough.

I want nice.

I want gentle.

Oh.

I want you.

So clean and quick, and then

I'll send in the next guy.

And if he doesn't break out

an AK-47, we all win.

Hey, hey,

look what I can do.

You know,

it's times like these it...

...it's difficult

to bounce back.

So we're... we're giving you this,

and the severance package

is not much, but it's something.

There's a severance package?

I mean, the meat of it

is the thank you.

You mean like a... a note

that just says thanks?

Yeah, that's bad.

- It's not much, Abaloosh, but...

- Abalash.

- I'm sorry?

- My name is Abalash.

It's spelled like it's Abaloosh.

Really?

Really?

It's dumb that we

have those in there.

Barry thought it would be a...

...a laugh in a...

in a stressful situation.

I said at the time,

that's not a good idea.

Give those back.

I don't know why somebody...

That's completely...

inappropriate.

Good job, brah.

That's it for today.

Today?

- I have to do more of this?

- It'll get easier.

You gotta remember what

you're doing is a good thing.

It's horrible.

But...

...it's fulfilling.

Hi, Duncan, it's Dr. Tip calling

from the Center for Fertility.

Look, I'm gonna level with you,

you've got a smoking hot wife,

and you're moping around

with a wet noodle.

If you don't get her pregnant

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Benjamin Hayes

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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