Bad Moms Page #10

Wow.

I had no idea.

Yeah.

You just always acted like

everything was so perfect.

Hey,

I'm really sorry about

what I did to your daughter.

I promise you I will get her back

on the soccer team, all right?

I know that was

a really shitty thing to do.

Yeah.

Even for me.

Listen, we're all

bad moms, right?

Yeah.

That was literally the only

thing you said tonight

that made

any f***in' sense.

(LAUGHS)

Bye.

Hey, guys. Can I talk

to you for a second?

Yeah.

Look, I just wanna say

I'm really sorry for how

I've been acting lately.

Oh, it's fine. Yeah, it's

just menopause, right?

(CHUCKLES) No.

It's not menopause.

And I'm sorry

for acting so crazy

about the whole

soccer thing.

I'm really trying

to chill out more.

I mean, it's just

soccer. Right?

I got you back on

the soccer team.

Shut up!

Shut up.

Shut your face!

Oh, my God.

Thank you so much, Mom.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, I love you.

Get in here.

There. Oh, I love you guys

so much.

You're amazing kids.

I promise, I promise

to always be here for you.

Oh.

My babies.

(OVEN DINGS)

Oh...

I almost forgot!

Where is he going?

Why is he

touching the oven?

DYLAN:
I made a frittata.

Did you just say "frittata"?

You said you weren't gonna

cook for us anymore,

so I taught

myself how to cook.

Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you!

Get in here. I love you.

I love you. Okay, okay,

all right, all right.

Okay, okay, okay,

okay, okay, okay.

All right, okay, let go.

Okay. I gotta go do my homework.

Who are you?

(SONG PLAYING)

I said, "You're holding back"

She said,

"Shut up and dance with me!"

This woman is my destiny

She said, "Ooh-ooh-hoo,

Shut up and dance with me!"

(LAUGHS)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Oh, hold on. Sorry, guys.

One sec, one sec.

Hello, this is Amy.

Hey, Amy, it's Dale.

The company is falling apart without you.

Could you please come back?

I will give you

whatever you want.

Whatever?

Whatever I want?

Yes! Yes! Anything.

Okay, um, well,

I wanna double my pay.

I wanna work from

home two days a week.

Oh, and I wanna hire three

women over the age of 12

to fill out my team.

Okay, okay, fine. Anything you want.

Can you start today?

Oh, no, no. No, sorry,

today's not good for me.

I'll start sometime next week.

Thanks. Bye-bye.

(SCREAMS)

Come here.

Love you.

Great day at school.

Love you, Mom.

I love you kiddos.

Be great, okay?

Okay.

Be amazing. Be awesome.

Love you!

(SIGHS)

When did they

get so big?

I don't know.

Hey, what would happen if

I came over Friday night,

brought a great

bottle of wine,

you know,

made you a nice dinner,

maybe ran you a hot bath and

someone just took care of you...

I love you.

...for a change?

What did you just say?

What?

What was that?

I said nothing.

You said nothing.

I meant to say that I...

God, I would love that.

I would love that.

Great.

Yeah.

I'll see you Friday.

Okay.

I'll see you after school.

Be good, okay?

VICKY:
Hey, how's it going?

I'm doing amazing.

I slept in late, skipped my

workout, had, like, four donuts.

I told these kids,

"Look, you get yourself

ready for school today."

And my husband totally

Fifty-Shaded me this morning.

Oh.

I've never felt better.

Wow.

Yeah.

Hi!

Did you remember

Maddie's backpack?

(SIGHS)

Shoot. No, I left it

in the car.

Okay, well, let's go get it, dude.

Right?

Chop-chop.

I'm so sorry.

Be right back.

It's not gonna

grab itself.

Hey, Jackson.

I, uh...

I made you lunch today.

It's a hummus

wrap with some kale.

Gross!

Yeah, I know, it sounds

totally disgusting,

but it's supposed to

be good for you, so...

And I'm gonna come to your

baseball game tomorrow night.

For real? I'm gonna stay

the whole stupid game.

Mmm-hmm.

Because...

I love you.

And stuff.

CARLA:
Oh.

(SIGHS)

Still cannot believe I pushed

that thing outta my chotch.

Hey. What's up,

pretty ladies?

What should we

do today?

How about we

go to brunch?

Mmm.

Oh, how about we go

to Color Me Mine

and make each

other salad bowls?

I love it.

Oh, I got an idea.

Why don't we try something

that doesn't suck?

Hey, b*tches! Get in.

Wait.

Holy sh*t. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Is that...

Well, I have my husband's

plane for the whole day,

so where do you guys

wanna go, huh?

You know what? Gwendolyn's

starting to grow on me, guys.

I'm not gonna lie to you. I think

she's a really good person.

Come on, come on!

Very generous.

(CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

My role as a mother was

so hit-and-miss. (LAUGHS)

I was a little looser, but

too loose in many ways.

I would give her whiskey.

(LAUGHS)

We left the country when

she was seven years old.

My mom kept telling me that

we were moving up the street.

And then we flew to L.A.

My mother's

a filthy liar.

When I went into

labor and stuff,

I didn't even ask if

it was a boy or a girl.

I just asked

for Demerol.

(LAUGHING)

I heard someone

calling my name.

"Please come to

the service desk."

I thought,

"What's that?"

And I looked around, there

was no Kathryn. (GASPS)

She was three years old.

(LAUGHING) I was three years old.

I'm thinking,

oh, my God, that was bad!

When I was

nine years old,

um, my mom took me to see

Cruising in the theaters

because she loved Al Pacino.

I loved Al Pacino.

Cruising is

a movie about a man

investigating the

underworld of S&M gay clubs

because there was a man murdering

men after raping them.

Al Pacino.

You do stupid

things as a parent

and you're like, "Oh, they're

fine, they're fine,"

and then you're

in the hospital.

Yeah, of course you lie to

your kids, of course you do,

and you go through their things.

You have to.

You go through

my things?

Sometimes you have

to make people happy,

to lie a little bit.

You know?

Easter Bunny. Tooth Fairy.

(CHUCKLES)

Food out for

Santa Claus.

You had me clean

the fireplace that year.

Yeah, well, that was

a good idea anyway.

Like a chimney sweep.

I would just be all,

you know, upset

because of the way

I thought that it had to be.

You know, I was so angry one

day, and I said to her,

"Dominic doesn't like you,

Eric doesn't like you."

You told me to f*** off.

(SNORTS)

"Laura doesn't like you.

Your dad doesn't like you."

You said, "F*** you, Mom."

Or something like that.

"I don't like you, and the

dog doesn't like you."

(LAUGHING)

Yeah, I don't know

what I was thinking.

I just really didn't

have a clue about...

You were perfect.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, it kind of

worked out for her.

It worked out perfectly.

I had the best

childhood.

I loved my childhood.

I had a very

happy childhood.

And we would

have the best days.

Yeah, it was absolutely like some

of the best times of my life.

You were an amazing mom.

(LAUGHING)

Which is fine.

I feel good.

It's nuts being a mom, guys.

(BLOWS NOSE)

Raising kids is

an amazing experience.

I did some mistakes, but the

end, I can see it's not as bad.

They survived.

In spite of us.

Now, thank goodness...

(LAUGHS)

You know, she turned out to be

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