Bad News Bears Page #3

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Well, we need to talk about this.

My son can't wear this.

We'll get him another size.

No big deal.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Look, it's a legitimate business,

honey.

You know, they pay taxes

like everybody else.

All right, can you believe it?

It's here, opening day.

Well, we got a lot of great athletes

this year,

and I'm looking forward to

a great season.

Before we get started,

I do want to remind you

that it is Summer Discount Days

at Valley Chevy Subaru.

So come on down if you get a chance.

Meanwhile, so many volunteers...

And people that I want to thank...

Hey, hey, hey!

What is he...? What's his...?

Hey, get... Get the hell off my field!

I'll deal with you later,

you little punk.

Okay, let's welcome all our teams.

We got...

Ray Bullock and our returning

champs, the Yankees.

Lenny Hendricks and the Giants.

Ex-Mariner, Morris Buttermaker

and the Bears.

Bob Jones and the White Sox.

Play ball!

There you go, Mitch. There you go!

Round it, round it, round it!

There you go!

Alrighty.

That's it!

Number 9, Joey Bullock.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

Go!

Joey! Joey!

That's my boy. We worked on that.

The Yankees lead 3-nothing.

Way to go, sweetie.

That's your boy.

- Next, number 3, Danny Patello.

- Let's go, Danny!

Go two, go two, go two!

What do you think, Lupus?

Sometimes bird poo

tastes like candy.

Aren't you supposed

to be in left field?

Sh*t.

Where you going, coach?

Keep your drawers on, officer,

I'll get back to you.

Hey, Bullock.

Morris "The Blade".

- I'm calling it.

- What? What are you talking about?

I'm calling the game. The kids are

getting creamed out there, you know?

- Yeah, it's a bloodbath.

- Yeah.

- That'll make quitters out of them.

- They don't have to quit.

They're losing, can't you see?

The 10-run rule kicks in after three.

I think you should hang on.

Yeah, then after that,

maybe you think about...

- What?

- You know, dropping out.

- What did you say?

- Dropping out of the league.

Morris, this isn't going to work.

They don't know the fundamentals

of the game out here.

Save them the humiliation.

You don't give two shits

about these kids. I'm calling the game.

Hey, I'm just trying to help.

Where's the honor and respect for the

game from the former pro, by the way?

Who the hell are you, Shoeless Joe

walking out of the holy cornfield?

I don't buy that sh*t.

I'm calling the game.

All right, call it. Quit. Quit

the whole league. What I just said.

All right, call it. Quit. Quit

the whole league. What I just said.

- Forfeit.

- Time!

It's over.

Bears forfeit! Game over!

One, two, three, Bears!

You guys look like

the last sh*t I took.

- It's not that bad, but...

- Shut the hell up, drunk bastard!

Okay.

Hey, Bears,

thanks for batting practice.

Yeah, you guys suck.

- I'll give you batting practice!

- Come here. Come here.

- Get down off of there.

- Get your hands off of me!

Thanks. I really needed another

reason for people to laugh at me.

- Need a ride?

- Go away.

Come on, hop in.

I'll take you home.

I'm not going home.

All right, what's wrong?

My dad's not from here.

He thinks baseball's stupid.

He says I should just worry

about school and work.

But I want to do the things

my friends do.

You know, American things.

He said if I played,

I'd just embarrass myself.

I guess he was right.

I'm just gonna run away.

Where are you gonna go?

Salt Lake City.

Why the hell would you want

to go there?

I hear it looks like Washington D.C.

Listen, kid, you don't want

to go to Salt Lake, trust me.

They don't even like Africans

up there.

- Armenian.

- Yeah, right.

- Anyway, I think I can help you.

- Yeah?

- Yep.

- How?

Here's what you do.

You go home, you look your old

man straight in the eye, and you say,

"Guess what, Dad, we won today."

You know.

- But we didn't win.

- Well, I know that.

You lie your ass off. It's the only way.

Look, this is America.

Besides that, you know,

he's not going to know.

He's from Riki Tiki Tavi,

or wherever the hell it is.

I used to do it with my pop

all the time.

- Really?

- Yeah. You just tell them

what they want to hear. You know,

"I didn't take the stereo."

"I don't smoke." "She said

she was 18." You know, stuff like that.

It's all part of growing up.

The important thing is that you're right,

and they're wrong.

Maybe I'll just tell him we tied.

You could do that. That'll work.

Now, come on,

I'll take you home. Let's go.

A hundred and eighty bucks?

That's Norma Kamali. It's vintage.

They can't even make rayon

like that anymore.

- Really?

- Hey, does your mother know

you're selling that crap?

What are you doing here?

Just passing by.

After three years?

Three years?

It's been three years?

Well, you sure are growing up fast,

that's for sure.

Not fast enough, if you ask me.

There's plenty of time for that,

honey.

Just like that story about the caterpillar

who's crawling along like a worm,

and then the next thing you know,

he's in that cocoon...

...and bam!

"Look at me now, I'm...

...a moth."

Or whatever the hell they turn into.

I don't want wings.

I want nice hips and C cups.

Hey, don't talk like that.

What's wrong with you?

Come on.

So how's your mom?

She's fine. What do you care?

Amanda, listen, just because we

didn't get along so well all the time,

doesn't mean I don't

care about her, okay?

You know, adults, they...

Sometimes, I don't know, it's just...

It's like that story I was telling you

about the caterpillar

and the worm deal.

You just walked out, you jerk.

You could have said goodbye.

Well, I'm sorry.

So, what do you want?

Why are you here?

I'm coaching a team out in the Valley,

and I was just thinking, you know,

maybe you might want

to come play with us.

No way. I'm a woman now,

and we don't do that kind of thing.

Well, sure you do.

Girls play baseball all the time.

Besides that, you owe me.

I was like a dad to you.

A drunk, lazy dad.

You made me climb under houses

looking for rats.

Well, that's what my dad did.

Builds character.

- This guy bothering you, Amanda?

- No, it's okay. He was just going.

Go away, Boilermaker.

You're scaring off the clientele.

Designer jeans.

Calvins, Jordache, certified vintage.

What do you say there, Hooper?

Feeling ready today?

Gonna go get them?

What's with the eye patch?

You gonna swab the on-deck circle

for us, matey?

Playing pirate?

Mom says I have cancer of the eye.

What the hell's wrong

with you guys?

We don't want to play no more.

We took a vote.

We're disbanding the team.

So one game, you want to quit,

is that it?

We've been taking

a lot of crap in school.

By "crap," he means ridicule.

And de-pantsing.

- It's been tough.

- Really? Tough, huh?

What the hell happened

to you, Tanner?

Got in a fight.

- With who?

- The sixth grade.

The sixth grade.

So I guess you

want to quit too, huh?

Okay.

Look, guys, I know I've been lazy...

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