Bad Taste

Hello, emergency.|What service did you require, please?

Hello, quick, anybody,|just get help!

- Where are you calling from, sir?|- Kaihoro, phone box.

There was this roaring noise|and a big white light in the sky...

and then... these...|invaders started killing us!

Hold on, sir, I'll connect you|with the Internal Affairs Dpt.

- No time, they're after me...|- Hello?

Is there anybody there?

What do you think, Minister?

Call a full-scale invasion alert, sir.

I'll phone the forces,|fighters frigates, footsloggers...

Perhaps that could all be|a bit showy.

I think this is a job for real men.

Just stop right there!

Stop!

I think you'd better kill him, Barry.

Jeez, he could be|Ministry or Works...

No, he's moving too fast.

Stop!|This is definitely your last chance!

That's the story!

I always thought you were|left-handed.

No, the head shot's|the only true stopper.

Aw Jeez!

I hope I'm not the poor bastard|that's got to clean that up.

Jesus!

Stick all the bits of brain|in a plastic bag, Barry.

We'll need them for analysis.

No bloody way, mate.|Come down here and do that yourself.

You're the yung-ho scientist.

All right.|I'll be down straight after lunch.

But at least take a blood sample.

No need.|I'll just wring my strides out.

Well, at least we got|one live specimen.

Yeah.

Seen anyone else about,|Barry?

No, the place is completely|deserted.

They're probably all dead,|that's at least 75 people.

Jeez, I just hope we're in time|to save the world.

Well, I just hope you got it right|this time.

No doubt about it, Barry.|I've been watching the skies.

And do you know|what the skies did?

- They pointed...|- They pointed at this place.

Why can't aliens be friendly?

There's no glowing fingers|on these bastards.

We've got a bunch of extra-terrestrial|psychopaths on our hands.

Like a... visit from a planet|full of Charlie Mansons.

They've wiped out|a small town for starters.

It's my guess they'll go on|to something bigger next time.

- Christchurch, Wellington...|- Auckland?

Yeah, well, that wouldn't be so bad.

Well, you'd better contact|the others, Derek.

They should be in range now.

Tell them to keep an eye out...

for someone who could be|heading this way.

- Who?|- A collector.

There's some appeal on.

There's envelopes stuck|on all the doors...

and today's collection day.

There's something that's|just occurred to me too, mate.

What's that?

That joker you topped a while back.

He might have friends.

I'd keep my eyes skinned|if I were you.

You needn't worry.|I'm not stupid, thanks...

Come in, Frank.|Ozzy, are you there?

Boys, are you there?

Turn it down, Ozzy!

That's elevator music|for headbangers.

Frank! Ozzy!|Are you there?

Yeah, we're here, mate, but could|you use the proper call-sign?

- There could be people listening.|- There's nobody for miles, Frank.

Besides, I don't think|whispering's going to help.

He's got a point there, Frank.

What do you mean, nobody for miles?|I thought you were in Kaihoro.

I am in Kaihoro|and I was right all long.

- They've done the entire town.|- Who's done the town?

The extra-terrestrial low-lifers.

And guess what!|We've caught one of the bastards!

Me and Barry got him|loping over the hills...

just like he owned the bloody place.

Now do you believe me?

Jeez, look, Derek,|just keep him there.

- You got him secured?|- Bloody oath!

Right, now don't touch him.|We'll be there in 45 minutes.

Whatever you do, don't harm him.|No physical violence!

Another thing, Derek,|keep a careful look-out.

- There could be more about.|- There was! Down on the beach!

Hell, well, look.|Don't go near him.

- It's a little late for that, Frank.|- What?

It wasn't me.

Barry shot his head off.|He had the magnum.

I knew it was a mistake|to issue weapons.

We're a government department,|not a para-military unit.

The Astro-Investigation|and Defence Service.

Wish they change that name!

Due to the potentially|dangerous hazards involved...

All right, at least you managed|to convince the minister.

Aren't you interested|in this joker we caught then?

- Course we are, Derek.|- Right.

Stay where you are and I'll give you|an eye-witness description...

of this inter-galactic wanker.

Well, I would describe him|as sort of human-shaped.

He's got jeans|and a blue shirt on.

Christ, he's nabbed|a bloody farmer!

Yeah, but there's something|strange about him though.

Like he's got a screw loose|or something.

It is a bloody farmer!

Yeah, Derek strikes again!

Is this another false alarm like the|Manners Street Invasion Alert?

How do you explain the disappearance|of an entire township then, Frank?

The Kiwi Jonestown,|of course, that's it.

Drinking beer laced with cyanide|from little polystyrene cups.

Yeah, yeah, OK.|Derek, just do me one favour.

What?

Try not to make him extinct|before we get there. Out!

Christ, what a dork!|How the hell did he get in this team?

Well, this has buggered your plans|for conquering the universe?

My friend, the astro-bastard.|Time for talkies.

By the time my colleagues|get here...

I want to have you babbling|in some extra-terrestrial language.

Now, in case you don't want|to do what you're told...

I could always encourage you|by hammering this cold steel...

into your fibula.

It'll sure poke a nasty hole|in your marrow, mate.

We'll get the old ball rolling?

Now, what are you dirty hooers|doing on my planet?

Oh, bugger it!

Well, looks as if it's time|for the old count of ten.

One...

Two...

Three...

Six...

Seven, eight...

Nine...

Ten.

Derek!

Derek!

Derek!

Come in, Derek!

What?

Oh, jeez!

Oh, I should have expected that.

- Derek!|- All right!

Quickly, Derek!

Come on!

Jeez, Barry, you've got|awful timing. What?

Just listen to me.|You've got to get out of there fast!

Five of those blue-shirted freaks|are coming up.

They heard their mate screaming.

Get out of there fast, Derek.

I can't do that.|I'm a Derek.

Dereks don't run.

Well, get up a tree or something.

Yeah, look, don't worry.|I've taken precautions.

Oh, sh*t!

Sh*t!

Bastards!

Eat lead, sucker!

Mummy!

I think this is going a little bit|over the top, Ozzy.

Nah, this'll do the trick.|Nobody'll be coming up this road.

But the nearest nuclear|reactor's in America.

But it could have been an explosion on|one of those Springbok warships.

Frank!|Ozzy!

Frank! Ozzy!|Come in!

Yeah, what is it, Barry?

Jeez, you guys,|we're in trouble this time.

It's really hit the fan.

Derek's wiped out|five of these alien jokers.

The place is like a bloody abattoir.

Where's Derek now?

Well, he's...|he's turned his toes up, guys.

Took a dive off the bloody cliff.

He's popped his rivets.

Poor Derek!

Who's going to look after|his aviary now?

Yeah, birds were the only thing|he could relate to.

Right, we'll be there|in about fifteen minutes.

No, I think it'll be best|if you stay where you are.

Just get the car off the road|until I call you back.

I'm going to head off in the direction|that alien joker was going...

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