Bad Turn Worse Page #4

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And when he looks at me

for guidance and what not,

and any... doesn't f***ing matter.

The point is...

over the past year,

I've gotten to know him pretty good.

Nothing like you, you got

17 years on me and all that.

I think we can safely say

that you are a BJ expert.

You get that? BJ expert.

Yeah, well, what I was hoping that maybe

we could use your expertise here

to answer a hypothetical,

which really isn't a hypothetical.

It's more like a potential.

What do you think BJ would do if he ever

found out about you and his girl, Sue?

I'm not sure

what you're talking about, Giff.

Well, don't lie to me, son.

Ten to one, I sniff that metal digit

of yours, I'm going to get a whiff of Sue,

which, to be perfectly honest with you,

sounds pretty goddamn good about now.

But I digress and I repeat.

What do you think BJ would do

if he ever found out you were

wetting your finger with his girl, Sue?

Well, I... I wouldn't

want to know, Giff.

'Cause it ain't true.

Boy, you sure as sh*t like to gamble

for somebody with such a sh*t poker face.

That's okay, I like gambling too. Hey...

that's what they call commonality.

We share something.

If we wanted to, we could bond over it.

Sure.

You know...

You know,

I'm sort of getting the feeling that you're

on the fence about Wednesday.

I'm also getting the feeling that...

you might be deciding to share your

feelings with someone outside the circle,

about what's going on

inside said circle.

Look, Giff...

I haven't said a word.

Now, whatever you do this Wednesday,

I'm not going to tell anybody.

Okay, why would you?

I ain't going to be doing

anything Wednesday.

The doing is going to be done by you,

and BJ, and Sue, right?

You hear that?

Sounds like game time to me.

Bring in the mamacita.

Let the games begin!

Vamos, muchachos!

Wait!

F*** you!

Well, with a mouth like that,

who needs an a**hole?

F*** you!

Yeah, well, that's not the game, dear.

Thank you for the offer, though.

Speaking of offers,

I like to call this one...

what's your price?

Rules of the game are very simple.

I make an offer, the contestant

can either accept it, or not.

If they do, they get paid.

If they don't, they don't.

Get it?

- Got it?

- Yeah.

Good. Contestant number one...

that's you, Sue.

$50, if you suck this bean

eater's burrito dry.

F*** you!

No, no, no, baby,

I said that's not the game.

The game is...

$100, if you f*** him

till his pecker falls off.

No?

200?

3?

$400?

$400!

$400, going once,

going twice,

not sold to the f***ing potty mouth

with the very, very bad manners.

You know, that's all right.

I kind of had a feeling

you wouldn't accept,

and I'm very glad you didn't disappoint.

Because, well...

round two is always so much

more fun than round one.

Contestant number two, Pedro.

400 bucks, if you drop trou

and f*** this b*tch dry, right here.

Oh, yeah!

Vamos, muchachos!

No! No!

- Okay!

- Hold on, hold on, hold on...

Okay, what?

Okay, I'll do it.

You'll do what?

This Wednesday, I'll do it.

And that is how you play

"what is your price".

I guess we found out yours, didn't we?

Okay, so let me get this straight.

You got two days to get your sh*t together,

and if you don't follow through,

well, I'm going to do more to your

sweet pea than hollow out her honey hole.

You follow?

Get.

Same goes for you, baby.

Let's go, boys.

You okay?

You okay?

- How about you?

- Yeah.

You know, I...

I've been thinking.

Yeah?

About what?

I think we should take

the money and run.

Are you serious?

Yeah, don't give a goddamned

nickel to Giff.

Just, you know, grab the loot,

and never look back.

Bobby, if we do that,

all we'll ever do is look back.

Over our shoulders,

every step of the way,

until Giff, or Big Red,

or worse, catches up with us.

I'm just...

I'm just saying, is all.

I know.

And I'm just saying...

we're already leaving.

Let's not give this sh*t hole town

a reason not to let us go.

Let's just stick to the plan, okay?

So you're still going to make the call?

Yeah, soon as I get to work,

and get to a computer,

I'll find the number

and I'll make the call.

You still think you got it?

Rain falls on 32 men, right?

Okay, now get out of here.

You'll make me late for work.

Right.

Is there anyone listening today who doesn't

wish they could change their past?

Re-write their own life story?

- Hey, you.

- Hey, you, back.

Thinking about a phone call I got today.

Was it a man?

Not hardly. It was Ms. Betty.

- What did she want?

- To congratulate me and you.

For what?

Well, she heard you were

going away to college.

I told her she was mistaken.

We don't have any college boys

in this house, just cotton boys.

Yeah.

Yeah, you should be real proud of that.

Jesus Christ, BJ, what the f***?

Wonder why I'm doing here?

Why I climbed through

your window unannounced?

We need to talk.

We need to talk?

We do, indeed.

What we need to talk about,

it's important.

How important?

Sh*t, man, I climbed through

your window unannounced important.

Is it bad?

Well, partner,

it ain't good.

Millers.

Hey, Sue, you've got a phone call.

Hello.

- Hey, they're moving it up.

- Moving what up?

- Tomorrow.

- To when?

- To midnight, tonight.

- Tonight?

- Did you tell him anything?

- Who?

- BJ, who do you think?

- No, tell him what?

- About us?

- What? Of course not.

- Why would I do that?

- I don't know, to beat me to it?

Bobby, are you serious?

You think I'd do that?

No.

Sh*t.

Okay, it's fine. Let's just...

this could be good, right? I mean,

we don't know, it might not be bad, right?

Can you hand me a towel, please?

Hot damn, you really read all this sh*t?

Is that a joke?

It's a question, don't get so defensive.

It's a stupid question.

Why else would I have them?

I don't know, decoration?

Okay, smarty pants,

what's this one about?

It's about a family curse,

a stolen emerald necklace,

an unidentified body found

in a squire's grave,

and a family tradition involving

a nine hour bell ringing ceremony

to kick off the new year.

It's over long, arguably unreadable,

but it's a well written sequence

involving redemption.

What about this one?

This? This is... well, maybe

not technically the best, but...

hands down my favorite

in the Nero Wolfe series.

It's about a chess master murdered

by poisonous hot chocolate.

But the twist is he's not

the real intended victim.

The real intended victim is the man

who is serving the hot chocolate,

a man by the name of Blounce something.

So he's arrested and charged with murder,

because all the evidence points to him,

which was the real

killer's plan all along.

So like the title, the murder

turns out to be a gambit.

I just realized.

What's that?

We're a lot alike, you and me.

Oh, come on.

I know you don't want

to admit it, but it's true.

Most people don't know who the f***

they are or what the f*** they want.

- But not us?

- Not us.

I mean, some go to college

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