Bal-27 Warfare Page #2

JACK MITCHELL:

Sweet Jesus, you're being played by Kevin F***ing Spacey! I guess all the jokes about his involvement were already bled dry when that was first announced, right?

JONATHAN IRONS:

I believe "House of CoD" was the most prominent one.

JACK MITCHELL:

Tremendous. I'm also seeing it as a good sign that I'm meeting you for the first time, even though you're my best friend's father. Guess we never had playdates when we were kids.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Now, I absolutely detest the armed forces, which I will demonstrate by repeatedly being snooty to Cormack here. He can't offer you what I can, son. We have advanced prosthetics at Atlas. I can replace your lost arm, just as I can replace my dead son with you. Heck, I already called you son just then!

JACK MITCHELL:

You're quite the astute businessman, Mr. Irons! How did you know my primary concern at my best friend's funeral would be the loss of my arm?

JONATHAN IRONS:

I figured as much when you blatantly stared down at your stump when touching Will's coffin. Say, why are you so on edge? I'm not giving off an evil vibe, am I? This is Kevin Spacey's fatherly charm at work here!

JACK MITCHELL:

No, it's just that this is a peaceful funeral scene and I was still given an exosuit loadout at the start. This might all turn into combat on a dime.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Ah yes, that's because --

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMP DAVID - MARYLAND

JONATHAN IRONS:

-- YOU HAVE TO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT! GO GO GO!

MITCHELL is suddenly at CAMP DAVID alongside ATLAS OPERATIVE JOKER.

JACK MITCHELL:

Whoa wait who what where? Jeez, this fast-forward undermines the pathos of the funeral scene even more than that ill-considered quicktime event!

JOKER:

Heads up, Mitchell. The President's being held hostage at the back of the residence.

JACK MITCHELL:

Joker? Please don't try to live up to your horribly overused code name.

JOKER:

Boy, your sudden prosthetic arm looks expensive! I bet it cost an arm and a leg!

JACK MITCHELL:

Goddamnit.

JOKER:

So, do you miss the armed forces at all? Har har har!

JACK MITCHELL:

Please stop.

MITCHELL and JOKER enter the RESIDENCE and reach the PRESIDENT. On the way out, MITCHELL'S PROSTHETIC ARM starts GLITCHING which results in the PRESIDENT BEING KILLED by GIDEON.

GIDEON:

Surprise! It was just a simulation because of course it was!

They are actually in...

INT. ATLAS FACILITY - NEW BAGHDAD

IRONS drives up in a JEEP.

JONATHAN IRONS:

So how'd my boy do?

JACK MITCHELL:

"My boy?" Just f***ing adopt me where I stand, why don't you.

GIDEON:

His arm failed, but that's no excuse. A soldier's best weapon is between his ears! That might seem like I've got some aversion to fancy technological gadgets, but it'll never come up again.

JACK MITCHELL:

Yes I'm sorry, I should've willed my arm into working better.

JONATHAN IRONS:

That arm's worth more to me than this entire facility, Gideon. Please don't make any assumptions about this facility given the state of that arm. Come on, I'll give you the tour!

MITCHELL and GIDEON get in the JEEP with IRONS. They drive past A LOT OF EXPENSIVE MILITARY ORDNANCE.

JONATHAN IRONS:

What you're seeing is, wait for it, advanced warfare! Do you like how I subtly worked the game's title into my patter there?

JACK MITCHELL:

Subtle as a sledgehammer, sir.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Look at this! Is it a tank on treads or legs? It's both! Drones too, I got those coming out of my ass! As a PMC, we don't hide our true strength, which I am illustrating by putting all our technological might on display. In fact, I asked some of the guys to put on their exosuits and jump around while we're driving past because I f***ing well can.

JACK MITCHELL:

Why am I still getting this introductory corporate spiel when I've presumably been in training for months?

They stop at a TEST LAB where MITCHELL gets HIS ARM CALIBRATED. GARRUS VAKARIAN gives a NOD OF APPROVAL.

GIDEON:

Great, now let's put you through a mandatory training section and then we're going to run the Camp David simulation again.

JACK MITCHELL:

Oh happy day.

EXT. LAGOS - NIGERIA

TWO MONTHS LATER, MITCHELL gets his FIRST ASSIGNMENT.

GIDEON:

We need to pretend for at least a while that Atlas isn't abhorrently evil, so luckily there's a massive anti-Western terrorist organisation known as the KVA at large!

JACK MITCHELL:

What does KVA stand for?

GIDEON:

Nobody bothered to think of that. Anyways, the KVA are led by a former Chechen separatist known as Hades, although we never specify whether he always called himself that or whether he took up the code name we assigned him. He hates technology, but that isn't stopping him from using it a lot! Like when he used a webcast to denounce "the cancer of technology," can you believe it?

JACK MITCHELL:

Even for a red herring, I would've appreciated a little more effort in the writing than this.

GIDEON:

We're in Lagos because the KVA have attacked a technology summit here and taken the Prime Minister hostage. We're going in, but first use this adorable little robot fly to recon the area.

MITCHELL takes control of the ROBOT FLY.

JACK MITCHELL:

Awesome, I am kicking ass with this thing! Look at me smoothly whizzing around! Think I can fit it through this vent cover? F*** yeah I can!

GIDEON:

The game's flying it for you, Mitchell. All you're doing is looking slightly to the left or right.

JACK MITCHELL:

(Releases controls)

Figures.

After the ROBOT FLY identifies the KVA threatening the PRIME MINISTER, MITCHELL, GIDEON and, ugh, JOKER head towards the TARGET BUILDING. IRONS chimes in through a VIDEO LINK.

JONATHAN IRONS:

It's time to show the world what Atlas can do! Ignore any reservations from the local officials and just go in guns blazing already! Why should we listen to the people who pay us? Governments suck!

JACK MITCHELL:

Do these video links really have to take up the entire top corner of my screen?

DEVELOPER SLEDGEHAMMER GAMES

We got Kevin F***ing Spacey for this, okay? We'd put him all over your screen if we could.

They make it to the ROOF OF THE TARGET BUILDING by using MAG GLOVES to SCALE THE WALL, which basically amounts to a FANCY LADDER.

GIDEON:

Mitchell, set a mute charge. It'll cancel out any noise when I cave in the part of the roof we're currently standing on.

JACK MITCHELL:

Won't the massive tremors from doing that still alert the people inside?

GIDEON:

Nah.

After what passes for a SNEAKY ENTRANCE, MITCHELL, GIDEON and JOKER liberate the PRIME MINISTER.

PRIME MINISTER:

I wasn't the target! The KVA were after the technologists from the summit! They made off with them in a box truck!

GIDEON:

The box truck's been spotted on a nearby freeway! Let's go!

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