Bal-27 Warfare Page #3

PRIME MINISTER:

By the way, I actually have a name. It's Samuel Abidoyo. I was born to a fisherman and --

JACK MITCHELL:

I appreciate the effort, but trust me, nobody cares.

MITCHELL and GIDEON run up to the FREEWAY after FIGHTING KVA TROOPS in the STREETS.

GIDEON:

Huh, the fact that we just shot up half of Lagos apparently hasn't stopped regular rush hour traffic! Mitchell, cross the street!

JACK MITCHELL:

(Dodging traffic)

May I just say, Call of Duty seeking inspiration from f***ing Frogger feels like the weirdest low point.

After a whole bunch of AVOIDING BUSES and then JUMPING ON BUSES and then DANGLING FROM BUSES, MITCHELL and GIDEON catch up to the BOX TRUCK, which they promptly CRASH INTO THE RIVER. They DIVE AFTER IT and manage to SAVE ONE TECHNOLOGIST.

GIDEON:

Good reckless job, everyone! Drinks are on me!

JACK MITCHELL:

Wait, didn't the Prime Minister say that a whole group of technologists was kidnapped from the summit? Where are the others?

GIDEON:

Drinks! Are on! Me!

JOKER:

(Sucks)

INT. ATLAS FACILITY - NEW BAGHDAD

MITCHELL, GIDEON and JOKER are joined by JONATHAN IRONS.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Time for some more fatherly charm! I'm proud of you, gentlemen. Your reckless performance in Lagos has opened up a lot of opportunities for Atlas.

(Piano music swells)

What? Oh yes, my son. He died. So sad.

(Piano music fades out)

As I was saying, Atlas doesn't just provide the means to lay waste to entire cities, we also offer logistics to restore them afterwards. Lagos was a perfect twofer in that regard, since both the KVA and Atlas destroyed pretty much everything in their paths!

JACK MITCHELL:

Speaking of twofers, thank you for giving me both an arm and something to believe in, sir. Truly, I can think of no greater virtue than having two arms and selling yourself off to the highest bidder.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Gentlemen, a toast. Whatever the KVA throws at us, we'll undoubtedly be able to hit back!

The KVA then destroys NUCLEAR REACTORS on FIVE CONTINENTS, which PLUNGES THE ENTIRE WORLD INTO CHAOS.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Except that.

EXT. SHELTER CAMP - DETROIT

FOUR YEARS LATER, MITCHELL and GIDEON are walking through an ATLAS SHELTER CAMP. JOKER is also there, BLEH.

GIDEON:

Welcome to Detroit, Mitchell! Thanks to cozy shelter camps like this one, Atlas has been instrumental in rebuilding the world after the KVA attacks and offering a second chance to anyone willing to submit to its regulations. All very aboveboard, naturally.

JACK MITCHELL:

Say, isn't it about time to introduce a new protagonist? I thought Call of Duty games used multiple viewpoints to show the larger network of an escalating crisis.

GIDEON:

Nope, they wanted to streamline the story so it's just you for the whole ride. Good thing you're such a well-rounded and engaging protagonist!

They exit the CAMP and head into the DESOLATE RUINS OF DETROIT.

JOKER:

Detroit hasn't changed that much, right guys? Am I right? Guys? Up high!

GIDEON:

We've gotten word that Hades' right-hand man is holed up in a nearby hospital. His name is Dr. Pierre Danois and if we capture him alive, he can lead us right to Hades. Isn't it a lucky break that Danois showed up right on our doorstep after four years of fruitlessly trying to track Hades?

JACK MITCHELL:

What? This couldn't be more of an obvious trap! Wait no, it could also be incredibly lazy writing and that's the likely option given what I've seen so far.

GIDEON:

We'll make use of these hoverbikes to make our way into the city.

JACK MITCHELL:

Cool!

GIDEON:

Of course the game will drive yours for you.

JACK MITCHELL:

Not at all cool!

They drive towards the HOSPITAL and leave their HOVERBIKES just outside.

GIDEON:

Okay, we're continuing on foot here. Slow and steady, Mitchell. Well, you can run ahead if you want, but you'll just bump into an obstacle that only I can move out of the way and I'm going to take a f***ing eternity to get there.

The OBSTACLE turns out to be a SIMPLE GIRDER. As GIDEON effortlessly MOVES IT ASIDE, MITCHELL suddenly falls TWO FLOORS DOWN.

JACK MITCHELL:

I'm good! I'll just use my double jump to get back up there.

GIDEON:

Actually, you're equipped with a totally different type of exosuit. No double jump and no mag gloves either. But hey, you've got a riot shield now!

JACK MITCHELL:

It would be neat if I were allowed to select my own exosuit loadout at the start of every mission, but I suppose Call of Duty is deathly afraid of something like that.

MITCHELL works his way past some KVA TROOPS IN CLEANSUITS and links back up with GIDEON.

GIDEON:

The hospital is just up ahead, but the KVA are everywhere and this street is too exposed. Mitchell, help me push this ambulance to the entrance so we can use it as cover!

JACK MITCHELL:

So what the f*** is my riot shield even for then?

MITCHELL pushes the AMBULANCE to the ENTRANCE. Instead of GETTING SHOT AT, he is now GETTING SHOT AT WHILE PUSHING AN AMBULANCE.

INT. HOSPITAL - DETROIT

ONCE INSIDE, they find DR. PIERRE DANOIS.

PIERRE DANOIS:

I'll never talk! F***, I just guaranteed a hefty bout of torture for myself, didn't I?

GIDEON:

We'll start with punching your lights out! Okay, let's take him back to the camp.

JACK MITCHELL:

We can't do that! The KVA are after us and there's innocent civilians at the camp!

GIDEON:

The camp's protected by sturdy walls, Mitchell.

JACK MITCHELL:

The KVA are using gunships, Gideon! Gunships that can fly right over walls if they want to!

GIDEON:

If you stop whining, I'll let you take control of your hoverbike on the way back.

JACK MITCHELL:

Okay fine, but the drive back better not be incredibly scripted!

IT TOTALLY IS. F*** YOU.

INT. SHELTER CAMP - DETROIT

DANOIS is put in an INTERROGATION ROOM with ILONA, another ATLAS OPERATIVE.

PIERRE DANOIS:

Hah, a woman in a Call of Duty game? She's obviously only here to serve as a damsel in distress and/or die two minutes after being introduced! Come, let's get this over with!

ILONA:

Guess again, motherf***er!

ILONA subjects DANOIS to A HEFTY BOUT OF TORTURE and learns that HADES is set to meet with HIS FINANCIAL BACKERS in GREECE.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Excellent work! You guys start work on an operational plan for Greece while I go tell an American army official to f*** right off.

EXT. SANTORINI - GREECE

MITCHELL and ILONA are in SANTORINI near a BUILDING where the KVA MEETING will take place.

ILONA:

Okay, let's see which disposable gadget we'll allow you to make use of for this mission. You've had mag gloves. You've had the mute charge. Robot fly? No. Ah, the sniper drone!

MITCHELL takes control of a SNIPER DRONE and flies it over to the BUILDING. Just kidding, IT FLIES ITSELF.

GIDEON:

Mitchell, we're ready to go in. Take out the guards in the precise order Ilona and I will dictate. If you deviate in any way, you'll have to start over.

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