Bal-27 Warfare Page #8

Synopsis: In a world of Bal-27s, Crappy Futuristic Weapons, and a weirdly overpowered LMG-type SMG called the ASM1, A man loses everything, but Kevin Spacey gives him the chance of a lifetime (no, not to be assaulted) to bring everything back. However, As Kevin begins Random World War That Was Already Done In Modern Warfare One, Two, and Three: Kitty Stompers, We'll have to get the m16s, ak-12s, and EM1s to fight off the IMRS, ASM1s, and Bal-27s in this spoof of AW.
Year:
2014
65 Views


JACK MITCHELL:

Ohoo, look what the cat dragged in! Some PMC mercenary pussies! In it for the money instead of God and country!

GIDEON:

Hey, we're supposed to buck that trend and be on friendly terms here.

JACK MITCHELL:

Whoops, I'm sorry! Sure is rough out there, eh? All the best to you guys!

SERGEANT CORMACK

Time for a proper objective! A demolition team was on its way to take out a heavily armoured KPA gunship in the city, but they've gone radio silent. We have to find out what happened to them.

JACK MITCHELL:

I think I can guess.

They reach the KPA GUNSHIP and find the DEMOLITION TEAM DEAD NEARBY.

WILL IRONS:

Sir, we can still finish their mission! I volunteer to push through heavy enemy fire and retrieve their demolition packs!

SERGEANT CORMACK

You're a brave man, Irons. Mitchell, go with him.

JACK MITCHELL:

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?

WILL IRONS:

Also, I'll expect you to actually pick up the demolition packs.

MITCHELL retrieves the DEMO PACKS and hands one to WILL, who plants it INSIDE THE GUNSHIP. The ACCESS PANEL then SLAMS SHUT ON HIS ARM.

WILL IRONS:

Oh no, I'm stuck and the gunship's lifting off! Mitchell, you have to go!

JACK MITCHELL:

You can't do this!

WILL IRONS:

You don't have a choice, Mitchell! It's a Call of Duty game!

JACK MITCHELL:

No, I mean you can't expect this valiant sacrifice to have any powerful meaning! We're supposed to be best friends and I feel like I just met you! Quick, give me something!

WILL IRONS:

I did say "See you on the other side" while we were in that drop pod! Perhaps I can turn that into a poignant echo?

(So poignant)

I'll see you on the other side.

JACK MITCHELL:

Eh, good enough.

WILL shoves MITCHELL off the GUNSHIP right before it BLOWS UP.

JACK MITCHELL:

All the subtlety of a sledgehammer over here.

DEVELOPER SLEDGEHAMMER GAMES

What the f*** did you expect? Incidentally, remember how we also made Dead Space, a game all about dismemberment? Well, we just couldn't help ourselves.

A PIECE OF WRECKAGE from the GUNSHIP PINS MITCHELL and SEVERS HIS ARM.

JACK MITCHELL:

Ow! I'm used to being unarmed for cutscenes, but this is pushing it!

As CORMACK evacuates MITCHELL, he gets an ACHIEVEMENT called SEOUL MATES and VOMITS IN HIS MOUTH A LITTLE.

EXT. ARLINGTON CEMETERY - VIRGINIA

MITCHELL is attending WILL'S FUNERAL.

JACK MITCHELL:

Why is one man spared, while another taken? To this day I couldn't give you an answer. But death comes for us all, eventually.

(Beat)

If you were still here, you'd have cut my purple prose short by now, best friend.

CORMACK is delivering A EULOGY.

SERGEANT CORMACK

A life is only important in proportion to its impact on the lives of others, which is a really depressing thing to say if you think about it. Also, doesn't it feel kind of wrong to solemnly mourn a single death while Mitchell here just indiscriminately killed countless of soldiers in this vague future conflict? Just a thought.

(Solemnly touches coffin)

JACK MITCHELL:

How will I ever deal with the grief of having lost my best friend? He saved my life and I couldn't save his. I left a piece of myself back in Seoul, and I don't just mean my arm. I'll probably need years of therapy and the support of those close to me.

He gets a QUICKTIME PROMPT to PAY HIS RESPECTS by ALSO SOLEMNLY TOUCHING THE COFFIN.

JACK MITCHELL:

Or we can just compact all of that into the same interaction cue used to push buttons or plant bombs, that works too.

As MITCHELL and CORMACK leave the FUNERAL, they are approached by WILL'S FATHER, JONATHAN IRONS, who is the CEO OF ATLAS.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Private Mitchell, may I have a word? If you're uncomfortable speaking outside of the loading screen cutscenes, I'm sure Cormack will cover your half of the conversation.

JACK MITCHELL:

Sweet Jesus, you're being played by Kevin F***ing Spacey! I guess all the jokes about his involvement were already bled dry when that was first announced, right?

JONATHAN IRONS:

I believe "House of CoD" was the most prominent one.

JACK MITCHELL:

Tremendous. I'm also seeing it as a good sign that I'm meeting you for the first time, even though you're my best friend's father. Guess we never had playdates when we were kids.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Now, I absolutely detest the armed forces, which I will demonstrate by repeatedly being snooty to Cormack here. He can't offer you what I can, son. We have advanced prosthetics at Atlas. I can replace your lost arm, just as I can replace my dead son with you. Heck, I already called you son just then!

JACK MITCHELL:

You're quite the astute businessman, Mr. Irons! How did you know my primary concern at my best friend's funeral would be the loss of my arm?

JONATHAN IRONS:

I figured as much when you blatantly stared down at your stump when touching Will's coffin. Say, why are you so on edge? I'm not giving off an evil vibe, am I? This is Kevin Spacey's fatherly charm at work here!

JACK MITCHELL:

No, it's just that this is a peaceful funeral scene and I was still given an exosuit loadout at the start. This might all turn into combat on a dime.

JONATHAN IRONS:

Ah yes, that's because --

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMP DAVID - MARYLAND

JONATHAN IRONS:

-- YOU HAVE TO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT! GO GO GO!

MITCHELL is suddenly at CAMP DAVID alongside ATLAS OPERATIVE JOKER.

JACK MITCHELL:

Whoa wait who what where? Jeez, this fast-forward undermines the pathos of the funeral scene even more than that ill-considered quicktime event!

JOKER:

Heads up, Mitchell. The President's being held hostage at the back of the residence.

JACK MITCHELL:

Joker? Please don't try to live up to your horribly overused code name.

JOKER:

Boy, your sudden prosthetic arm looks expensive! I bet it cost an arm and a leg!

JACK MITCHELL:

Goddamnit.

JOKER:

So, do you miss the armed forces at all? Har har har!

JACK MITCHELL:

Please stop.

MITCHELL and JOKER enter the RESIDENCE and reach the PRESIDENT. On the way out, MITCHELL'S PROSTHETIC ARM starts GLITCHING which results in the PRESIDENT BEING KILLED by GIDEON.

GIDEON:

Surprise! It was just a simulation because of course it was!

They are actually in...

INT. ATLAS FACILITY - NEW BAGHDAD

IRONS drives up in a JEEP.

JONATHAN IRONS:

So how'd my boy do?

JACK MITCHELL:

"My boy?" Just f***ing adopt me where I stand, why don't you.

GIDEON:

His arm failed, but that's no excuse. A soldier's best weapon is between his ears! That might seem like I've got some aversion to fancy technological gadgets, but it'll never come up again.

JACK MITCHELL:

Yes I'm sorry, I should've willed my arm into working better.

JONATHAN IRONS:

That arm's worth more to me than this entire facility, Gideon. Please don't make any assumptions about this facility given the state of that arm. Come on, I'll give you the tour!

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