Bal-Can-Can Page #2

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got smaller and smaller.

Deep down inside, he was

afraid. Deep inside

his heart, Trendafil was

preparing for war!

Until that spring, 2001...

During the day, the Albanian

terrorists have

been opening fire at the

special forces of the

Macedonian army and police,

all over the

front-line declared as the

so-called

"free territory of Albanians in

Macedonia".

Supposedly these terrorist

groups have been

entering Macedonia through

illegal crossings from Kosovo,

however the origin of

their heavy artillery remains

unknown. The fighting

is approaching

the suburbs of the

Macedonian capital...

Oh, dear!

THE CAPlTAL

BESlEGED BY TERRORlSTS

You really are driving

me crazy...

Why won't you open

the door?

If I were able to get up, I'd be

outside with a machinegun!

You're not missing much...

They've been shooting all

day long, but haven't shot

anything yet!

You've been trying

to walk again, eh?

He took my remote control...

- Oh, for God's sake, mother!

He took my remote, and he's

been watching

documentaries about animals

all day. While outside

patriots get killed, your

husband is watching

giraffes in Africa. Moron!

Did you take your pills

this morning?

If your father were alive, he

would have instantly died

of shame! Thank you Lord,

for taking him in time.

Mother, Trendafil is a

peaceful person...

You don't say? Then why did

he marry an Army Officer's

daughter, if he's so

afraid of wars?

If he had the balls...

he would have given you five

children by now!

Trendafil, give her the

remote... Trendafil!

Come on, give it back...

- What a moron, tsk, tsk, tsk...

Let go of it... Let go, I said...

If this schmuck gets you

pregnant,

you'll have a crocodile!

- Let go! Let go, you f***ing...

Don't beg, hit the bastard!

Hell, mama! Do you have

any idea how expensive

food is in wartime?

Give me those eggs...

Give them!

Make him give me the

remote first!

Trendafil, give her the

remote, you a**holes,

you're gonna f*** up

my bloody nerves!

Look, even the neighbours

are complaining...

You'll both pay for this!

Jango the Soap!

- Jango the Soap?

Now you're f***ed,

my little son-in-law...

Come in, Jango...

Jango, come!

Hey, Jango!

Come in, Jango boy...

Keep quiet, for

heaven's sake!

Oh, Jango?

Oooh, Ruza...

How are you?

Oh, just doing some house

work... And how about you?

Doing my job, Ruza.

- Really? - Yeah...

And when did you get out of

prison?

Oh, that's past, Ruza.

I'm a volunteer now.

Everything for the fatherland!

- Right, well done.

By the way... Trendafil?

Is he at home?

Trendafil... has gone

to a spa.

Really?

Is he there to cure his...?

No, he isn't

- Well then?

He took my mother

to the spa.

Granny Zumbula is ill?

- Spondylosis.

Uh-huh... Anyway, Ruza, I've

got this little letter for

Trendafil:
An invitation for

military therapy, heh, heh...

Reservist. He has to call in

by Monday.

It's no use, Jango, he won't be

back by Monday.

But he'll have to come back

sometime, Ruza...

He can't hide forever!

Ah, Ruza, Ruza...

Eh, Jango...

So, you'll see Trendafil

when he comes back,

and you can settle things with

him... some time.

I'll see him for sure, Ruza.

It's easy now...

It's war.

Well then, Jango.

- Well then, Ruza...

Spondylosis, eh?

Stop!

Stop, you c*nt of a deserter,

I'm gonna kill you!

Trendafil, don't provoke me,

you'll make me go

back to prison,

I swear you will!

Now you're dead,

you fag!

Traitor!

Freemason p*ssy!

It's not safe. Jango

waits in ambush in the elevator.

He bribed the housekeeper

into mining the basement.

There's no way you can get

away from him!

Some policemen came

yesterday...

they want you for the police

reserve troops.

I told them to make

arrangements with

the army, either here

or there...

They tried to pull a fast one

on me:
If you got killed l

would get two military

pensions instead of one!

What's up now?

I can't take it any more, Ruza.

If they catch me I won't even

make it to the front line...

I'll die on the road...

Come on, this war won't last

long... we just have to

hide for a bit. If we leave

early in the morning,

we'll be in Bulgaria

in an hour.

What do you mean Bulgaria?

- On the Black Sea.

The tourist season is about to

begin there, we'll get jobs

on the black labour market...

you as a bartender,

me as a waitress,

mama will help out...

What do you mean, mama?

You ruthless animal!

You would leave mama here

to get bombed

by the mujahedins,

you scoundrel!

She's an old woman, she'll

forget something

plugged in, she'll

burn down the flat,

you retarded vermin!

- Bulgaria!

Ruza, my child, where are

we going so early?

To the sea, mommy,

to the sea.

The sea, love? And what about

your good-for-nothing loser?

Let's send him to the

Army first,

maybe a grenade will

kill him, no?

Don't say that, mama,

it's a pity.

A pity, why? I say, from my

mouth into God's ears!

Ruza, my child...

There he is!

- Quiet, mama, quiet!

Hell, quiet! Where's Jango?

Jango! Jango, come!

Shhh! Quit it!

- Where are you, Jango!

Jango, come! Jango, boy!

- Be quiet, mama, be quiet!

Jango, where are you,

Jango...

Jango, where are you,

Jango...

Wake up, Jango!

Now you're f***ed,

neighbour!

Now you're f***ed...

And so, my blood brother

began his journey East,

towards the rising sun... As

Alan Bourdillion Traherne

said in one western: "Over

the mountains of the Moon,

and through the valley of the

shadow, he rides,

boldly rides, until he finds

El Dorado".

And what happened next,

Santino? - Did they make it?

Well, it was a close call, but

then nature decided to play

its part. That spring was

unusually hot. Veeeery hot...

original traditional handicrafts

The engine. Looks like the

engine has overheated!

I'm cold. - Oh, please, you're

such a child.

Why didn't you say so, we

would've stopped...

I was hot. - Oh, is that so?

And now you're not?

Now I'm cold.

- Cold? In this heat?

Oh, come on, mother,

don't screw with me...

"...check diphthongs."

Where could those

diphthongs be?

I gave her two valiums.

- For her stool?

No, for the nerves.

- Oh, yeah...

Oh, it's so hot. The air

is heavy...

Hey, here it is:
"...check the

pressure in the valves

of the internal combustion

engine..."

We'll be there by tonight.

Wow, I haven't seen the

sea in seven years.

Nowadays even the seas aren't

as safe as they used to be,

Russians with submarines

everywhere... clutch...

If we find jobs,

we can stay longer.

Mom's nerves might settle down...

Maybe you'll get better, too.

The sea air has healing powers.

- For my ulcer?

I'm not talking about your

ulcer. I'm talking about...

...children!

- Oh, that...

If I could choose, I'd have

twins. I'd do that maybe

five or six more times,

until I've had enough.

Damn you're clumsy!

Here, take this towel,

come on.

And go get mama, we

should be going!

Ruza sent me,

to take you to the car.

Granny Zumbula?

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