Bamboozled

INT. APARTMENT - MORNING

WE are in the living quarters of PIERRE DELACROIX. The

windows overlook the Brooklyn Promenade and the majestic

lower Manhattan skyline.

DELACROIX (V.O.)

Bonjour, my name is Pierre Delacroix.

I'm a television writer, also a

showrunner, a creative person.

We see a tall figure move in and around the space.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

I'm one of those people responsible

for what you view on your idiot box.

CLOSE ON:

Monogrammed cuff sleeve - the initials P.D.

2.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

The problem is not enough of you

have been watching.

CLOSE ON:

Monogrammed shirt pocket - the initials P.D.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

With the onslaught of the internet,

video and interactive games, nine

hundred channels to choose from and

whatnot, our valued audience has

dramatically eroded.

CLOSE ON:

Razor cuts a path through a white foam on a black face.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

To put it in much more simple

terms...

Delacroix YELLS.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Like rats fleeing a sinking ship.

CLOSE ON:

The handsome face of Pierre Delacroix.

DELACROIX (V.O.) (CONT'D)

People tuning out by the millions.

Delacroix turns to the CAMERA and addresses US.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)

Which is not good.

EXT. TENEMENT - LOWER EAST SIDE - MORNING

The tenement building is boarded up, condemned, bombed out,

but a home, a shelter nonetheless.

INT. TENEMENT - MORNING

People to our surprise live in here. It is a commune. The

homeless, people who have been left out, forgot about,

written off, and don't matter. The fringes of society.

CHEEBA, a skinny Puerto Rican male, tries to wake a

slumbering body under a mass of old newspapers.

3.

CHEEBA:

Yo, let's get to it. You don't

dance, we don't eat. Simple as that.

The mass begins to move.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)

That's right. We slow. We blow.

We snooze. We lose.

INT. CNS TOWER - MORNING

MANRAY, a young African-American dread-lock male, and Cheeba

are getting set up in front of the entrance to the

CONTINENTAL NETWORK SYSTEM building. CNS is one of the

fledgling, upstart new networks, trying to battle with ABC,

NBC, CBS, FOX, WB, and UPN.

ANGLE ON:

Entrance. Cheeba is putting the portable floor down on the

sidewalk. Manray sits on the curb, taking the sneakers off

and putting on his tap shoes; bottle caps are on the soles

of the shoes instead of real taps.

CHEEBA:

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

I know everybody is in a hurry to

work, ready to begin another day in

this rat race. But don't sleep us.

I'm Cheeba and I introduce to you

the world renown MANRAY, the man

with the educated feet.

Manray takes a small bow. A few, not many, people have

stopped to look.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)

As we continue our world wind tour,

we would like to give you a little

somethin', somethin' before you go

off to make that money. I give you

Manray.

CLOSE ON:

Manray, who starts to do his thing, and when he starts doing

his thing attention must be paid.

ANGLE ON:

Crowd, as Manray gets busy, people gather to watch.

ANGLE ON:

4.

Delacroix, he is about to walk into the CNS building but

stops to check out Manray.

CLOSE ON:

Manray, he pounds out some intricate steps and freezes at

the end of the move.

ANGLE ON:

Crowd, who applaud as Cheeba unfolds a brown shopping bag

and holds it out in front of them.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)

Thank you very much but please

don't go without giving us some

cheddar, cheese, money. We prefer

two's than fews.

People are digging into their pockets.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)

I would like to add that both of us

are homeless. Not that it means

anything.

A WOMAN is about to dump some change in the brown paper bag.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)

I said homeless. Ladies and

gentlemen. Senorita, do you know

what that means?

Cheeba looks at her and she quickly pulls out a 5-spot from

her purse and drops it into the bag.

CHEEBA (CONT'D)

Muchos gracias.

Cheeba works his way over to Delacroix.

DELACROIX:

Good morning, Cheeba.

CHEEBA:

Good morning to you, Mr. Delapot.

DELACROIX:

De-la-croix.

CHEEBA:

Y'know what I mean. Got a gig yet

for Manray and I yet?

5.

DELACROIX:

Not yet.

Delacroix hands Cheeba a ten dollar bill.

CHEEBA:

Gracias.

Delacroix moves towards the revolving doors of CNS.

DELACROIX:

Manray, Sloan says you're too

talented to be dancing on the street.

MANRAY:

Well do something about it.

INT. ELEVATOR - MORNING

Delacroix is the lone person of color in the elevator.

INT. CNS - MORNING

Delacroix gets off the elevator, takes out his ID, slips it

through the scanner and enters the reception area of CNS.

DELACROIX:

Good morning, Marie.

MARIE:

It's not gonna be a good morning

for you if you don't get into

Dunwitty's staff meeting.

DELACROIX:

What staff meeting?

MARIE:

The staff meeting that started 30

minutes ago.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING

Delacroix walks, or better yet, slithers into the staff

meeting that is already in progress. TWENTY WRITERS sit

around an oval table, all are Caucasian except Delacroix,

again he's the lone person of color, the "fly in the

buttermilk."

DUNWITTY, Senior V.P. of the Entertainment Division of CNS

looks at Delacroix and waits for him to sit down before he

continues.

6.

DUNWITTY:

Monsieur Delacroix, this very

important meeting commenced...

Dunwitty looks at his Rolex Chronograph - Daytona Model.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)

...exactly thirty-two minutes ago.

DUNWITTY:

I'm sorry I'm late.

DUNWITTY:

Do you know how much information

can be dispensed in one minute alone?

DELACROIX:

I didn't find out about this very

important staff meeting until...

Delacroix looks at his Jaeger-LeCoultre.

DELACROIX (CONT'D)

Four minutes ago.

DUNWITTY:

So are you telling me everyone knew

about this get-together except you?

DELACROIX:

I wasn't told about this until

Marie informed me as soon as I got

off the elevator.

All eyes are on Delacroix and he feels it.

DUNWITTY:

People, you can attempt to pull a

Rodman like our friend Delacroix,

but I guarantee you'll be sent

packing just like him.

Dunwitty via remote turns off the lights and turns on an

overhead projector.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)

These are the standings. Read 'em

and weep. As you can plainly see

the Continental Network System is

languishing.

CLOSE ON:

Ratings charts.

7.

DUNWITTY (O.S.) (CONT'D)

Look at 'em people. We are BOOTY,

CA CA. We are DOO-DOO. Doo-doo on

a stick, if you will.

CLOSE ON:

Dunwitty.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)

I do not like to be the laughing

stock of the broadcast industry. I

have pride and people, you better

start getting some too. These

numbers have to go up.

Dunwitty turns on the lights. JOAN, one of the writers,

raises her hand.

DUNWITTY (CONT'D)

Question?

JOAN:

So what do you want us to do?

DUNWITTY:

What I want everyone to do is write

some material that is FUNNY. The

junk you've been writing is about

as funny as a dead baby. It's not

funny, it's not new. It's not sexy.

It, it, it...

CLOSE ON:

Fish.

FISH:

Sucks.

ANGLE ON:

Conference room.

DUNWITTY:

SUCKS. Thank you, Fish. This

meeting is over but I want everyone

to seriously think about what I

said and how you can deliver.

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