Bangistan Page #3

Is everything alright?

Take care of yourself, ma.

Come, my dear Abba...

Promise you won't peek.

One... Two... Three... Four...

Where have you boys brought me?

And... Open sesame!

The enemy!

Excellent...

Excellent...

I couldn't recognize you, my son. What chance do our enemies have?

You are going to lay the foundation of Al Kaam-Tamaam.

All the headlines will carry only my message

The whole world will know my name

I will be surrounded by angels and virgins

I have the faith and a strong belief.

Revolution, revolution...

I will bring revolution on my last day.

Revolution, Revolution...

I will bring revolution on my last day.

Passport, please.

Ma'am could you step out of the line, please? We need to ask you a couple of questions.

You too, sir.

Sir?

Ma'am! I, Allahrakha. Full family Muslim... by birth.

Passport, please.

Ma'am, please check. My name is Khan.

Allahrakha Khan.

Sir, step out of the line please...

Go on, brother, go on.

You must search us thoroughly.

In fact, I suggest you leave no stone unturned.

The whole world is suspicious of us... You make sure we are clean.

Am I right, my friend?

You are absolutely wrong.

After all, aren't Muslims human too?

May I see your passport, please?

Ishwarchand Sharma...

Okay, welcome to Poland. You may proceed.

No, I will not proceed.

This is unfair. Why only our Muslim brothers?

Everybody should be checked as thoroughly as this.

Sir we just need to be more careful these days.

Checking is purely random.

Random, my foot!

Don't worry about me, brother.

Do your job sir. You do me, do me right now.

I think Hindus should be checked equally.

No my friend. Muslims will be checked first.

Hindus first! Muslims first!

Hindus! Muslims!

All Muslims should be searched from their clothes to their soul!

In that case, Hindus will be checked the same way!

Even our traditions say that Hindus and Muslims are like brothers!

Henceforth, all Muslims will undergo such a clear check!

As will the Hindus!

Ishwarchand Sharma?

Tamim Hussain?

So you're Muslim, Mr. Hussain?

Nope!

I'm a foreigner. A white man.

Fifteen years ago, I moved her from Bangladesh...

Citizen Hussain.

Keep my visiting card...

If there's any trouble, call me.

So what brings you to Poland?

In search of heaven.

Ah, I'll show you heaven.

Hey bro, where are you going?

You owe me 50z?. 50!?

You would've paid double for a taxi. Plus extra for luggage.

You're lucky I'm kind enough to give you a discount.

10 z? more. Why?

You have tip people for their work here.

5 z? more...

Oh, it's you!

And you.

Why are you so surprised?

All brown, third world visitors end up here.

We could've shared a ride here...

We've already been quite open with each other at the airport.

Hello there, Mr. Wildfried!

Two customers in one day...

You lucky old pomeranian, Wildfried!

It's Wilfred, Tamim!

Ishwarchand Sharma. Your new tenant.

No wild behaviour.

No tea leaves left outside the rooms.

No betel leaves - 'paan'.

No spitting on walls, no pissing on streets, no animals...

No goats, no lambs and no camels!

Goat, lamb, camel...

No sir, I drink only mother's milk.

I mean, Mother Cow's milk.

Right?

200z? advance...

Please show them their rooms. And Tamim...

Tell them I don't want a single scratch in the apartments...

Not one scratch.

Here are the keys...

And your tip.

200?!

It is very cheap.

Salaam Alaikum!

There's a newbie. We'll leave it with him...

Have fun.

Take care. I don't know if we will meet again.

Pay Rosie for your drinks! She asks me about it everyday...

Idiot!

So what do you think? Excellent, isn't it?

You've got a great deal, you know.

You lucky devil.

A Krakow duplex at this price? Nowhere else.

Duplex?

Enjoy your stay. Have a good one!

And take care, don't fall inside.

Excuse me... Nice! Nice!

Did you hear?

Someone passed away in your society.

He was a Hindu.

So?

What do you mean? Aren't you a Hindu too?

Er... Yes.

This is your chance to make some local friends.

But I was just leaving to get some things...

I'll get them for you. You only have to tip me.

No, I have to go myself.

So go later! In an emergency...

Only friends can help you, alright?

(Chanting funeral prayers)

Greetings, sir! Greetings.

Such devotion! Who can claim that our traditions have been lost?

The deceased will now forever rest in peace.

Sir, lend a hand?

These foreigners have far superior technology than us.

Even this funeral will take no time and cause no pollution.

No, sir. A holy wooden pyre is just something else.

Traditions and rituals are important...

Sir, please come with me.

Sir, pay no attention to these people.

They have no understanding of our culture.

Sir, I have a small request...

Please conduct the rites today.

Please summon the widow.

Why is she not ready yet?

Her husband is gone and she's very old now. Why bother...

What do you mean, sir?

She is supposed to be dressed her best for the sati!

Sati!?

Two people can't even fit in this contraption.

On a traditional wooden pyre, she would've easily immolated herself.

Anyway, I'll have her seated.

Sir, out of the way, please.

Put one leg here, ma'am...

No no sir, maybe it's best for you to rest...

I'll perform the rites!

Traditions have truly been lost.

Ah, friend!

Returning from a temple? Found one already?

I'm in a hurry, I have to make a phone call...

Me too! Let's go together...

I need some clothes...

Take my jacket, I have two!

There's no need - No, I insist!

Please listen to me...

You look great, like fresh eggplant! Eggplant!?

These clothes are so weird...

Salaam Alaikum Abba.

Alaikum salaam! How are you?

I'm great. This city is awesome!

You've been touring the city all day?

I got stuck with someone in -

Hafeez, you are not there on vacation!

There's no time to waste,

Relax, Guruji.

Guruji, ask about the bomb!

Have you bought the explosives?

I'm just about to.

You will bring glory to Al Kaam-Tamaam!

With your blessing, the whole world will know Maa ka Dal.

Khuda haafiz, Abba. Hafeez...

I mean Jai Mata di, Abba.

Khuda haafiz.

Guruji, a great actor is always in character.

Oh okay... take care.

Careful, my boy!

It won't stay erect...

Mr. Missile Bobbitsky?

Yeah... Mikhail Bobbitsky.

I'm Ishwarchand Sharma. I'm here to buy a bo -

Shhhh!

They are listening...

So you are here to buy potatoes?

Our potatoes are the best Mr. Sharma...

We export to every part of the world...

Hello! Hello!

Me Allahrakha Khan... You Huang Changping?

It is my privilege to host you, sir.

I'm very pleased to meet you.

I hope you had no trouble finding my humble abode.

No...

No... But... You speak Urdu?

A good salesman knows the customer's language, sir.

Mr. Bobbitsky, I don't want potatoes! I'm here for a-

Mr. Sharma!

You want potatoes...

Welcome to Area 52!

Wow, Mr. Bobbitsky...

Russian...

Cousin!

I need...

Relax! They can't hear us here...

Have a look...

Welcome to Mikhail Bobbitsky's Bombs n' Roses!

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