Barbershop: The Next Cut Page #5

in the neighborhood.

So they're just gonna

build a jail around us?

Do you know what cuttin' off these

streets is gonna do to traffic?

You're right.

It might increase traffic.

But it might also decrease

violence in the neighborhood,

which would make

this shop more desirable.

That ain't gonna help us.

We'll just be a

nonviolent empty shop.

Exactly. And half the businesses on

this block are barely above water.

Exactly.

Look, y'all. I know it's not

the most ideal solution.

But you gotta acknowledge that at

least we're trying to do something.

-No.

-Yeah. No.

Hell no.

Look, y'all, I share

the same concerns,

but something's gotta

be done out here.

Do you know how many people get shot

on this block, every single week?

Do you?

'Cause we out here

dodging bullets every day,

while you downtown talkin'

about the South Side,

look like some Middle Eastern,

war-torn country in your $1,000 suit.

You know damn well them

suits ain't $1,000, boyba.

Look, Rashad, we want

the same thing, man.

But the Council, they're all out

of ideas just like everybody else.

That's right.

Put it on us.

That's what

politicians do though.

You know, they don't

do their job...

All I'm doing

is workin', brother.

But then

they want us to do it.

And then you say

it's our fault, right?

Like, we the ones

that don't wanna work.

Exactly.

I told you.

I mentioned this

a long time ago.

Government ain't good for nothing but

giving you syphilis and flu shots.

I'm almost sure

that's how I got syphilis.

That is not

how you got syphilis.

Her name was Josephine.

Would you stop

tellin' everybody's business!

That's funny.

My mom's name is Josephine.

Wait. What...

You know, maybe that's part

of the problem. I mean...

Maybe we need to stop

waiting for the government

to step in and save us and we

need to start saving ourselves.

I mean, this is America.

Everybody has equal

opportunity to make it here.

Really?

-What?

-Okay.

Man...

All right. Baba ghanoush

over here lost his damn mind.

Eddie, that's bullshit.

You wanna know

why I'm sarcastic?

Because every time

I open my mouth

to say something real,

you gotta make fun of me.

Meanwhile, if I say you're a

watermelon-flavored fried chicken lover,

I'm a racist.

Hell nah.

You'll get your ass beat.

Rashad, it was hypothetical.

There's no such thing as

watermelon-flavored fried chicken.

Not yet, Raja.

That would be

stereotypically delicious.

All I'm saying is, my parents moved

here from India with nothing.

They had no money,

no friends.

And their accents

were so thick,

they couldn't even

get bank accounts.

And somehow

they made it happen.

Not to dismiss your

argument here, Raja,

because it is...

It is riveting.

However, there were some

"setbacks" that black people faced

that really made things

stressful for a minute there.

Slavery being at the

very top of that list.

Exactly. Your ancestors

were immigrants.

Ours were imports.

Big difference.

Not really.

How do you think the

West Indies happened, okay?

They took Indians, they took

black people from Africa,

they put 'em

in the Caribbean,

and 200 years later, Rihanna

happened. You're welcome.

I don't like white

people either. Okay?

I'm just saying,

maybe y'all should stop

making excuses and

actually pick up the ball.

"Pick up the ball"?

-Basketball reference.

-That was racist, right there.

"Pick up the ball"?

Yes.

It got real Fox News-y

in here for me.

Well, you know,

we do be shootin' some hoop.

What are you

talkin' about, man?

You think it's a level

playing field out here?

You think racism

don't exist no more?

The President of the United

States of America is black.

The most powerful man

on the planet is black.

Just one man.

Meanwhile, only dude I have to look up

to is the guy from Big Bang Theory.

He funny.

He make me laugh.

So what does that mean for the average

black dude walking down the street?

Does our president's

blackness,

did it stop Trayvon

Martin, or Michael Brown,

or Walter Scott,

or Tamir Rice,

or Freddie Gray

from being killed?

Hell nah.

A madman walked into

a Charleston church

and killed nine

innocent people.

Did his blackness

stop that?

Eric Garner got killed on tape

and it still didn't matter.

So what are you

saying, Raja?

I'm not sayin' that stuff isn't

messed up. Because it is.

What I'm saying is,

there's never been

a better time

in this country to be a black

person than right now.

Unless you Bill Cosby.

I'm not doin'

this school work.

If she thinks I'm really about

to do this homework tonight...

She gave us

six packets.

Six packets.

Man, she must be insane.

Yo, there go those

dudes from this morning.

I used to cut

Barack's hair back in the day.

Hell, I'm the one who told

him to marry Michelle.

He liked some

other little girl.

He was gonna tell her...

Thelma Carter.

With the big tongue.

Couldn't say his name.

She used to call him "Barath".

Michelle, now,

that's different.

She got them

childbearing hips.

And she can iron a shirt.

You see them arms

right there?

You never touched

a hair on that man's head.

-Not one.

-Are you serious?

Hold on. Okay.

All right. Okay.

Who do you think that is? It's

him before his hair turned gray.

That could

be anybody.

Man, you can't tell

who that is, man.

It's Barack right there.

You can tell by the ear.

You cannot.

You can't see sh*t.

You're stupid.

You know what?

Forget y'all.

Laugh all you want to.

Y'all better just

leave Barack alone.

He's one of ours.

He used to be

one of ours.

I mean, when was the last time you

seen Barack Obama do something for us?

And I'm not talkin'

about for the country.

I'm talkin' about for us.

Eddie, even if you

don't agree,

you still gotta honor

what she's sayin', though.

Thank you, Rashad.

You know, I can't take

this anymore, man. I'm out.

All right.

-Thanks a lot, man.

-Thank you, man.

And you need to read

a newspaper.

Obama makes sure you get all that

birth control that you need.

Excuse me?

And the rest of y'all, Council

vote next week. Don't forget.

Look, I can't let y'all tear the

President down like that. All right.

The man is in an impossible

situation. Know what I'm sayin'?

-How are you?

-How you doin'?

He's not just the president

of black America.

He's the President of

the United States of America.

And personally, I think

he's doin' a great job.

You know what? The two of them just make

me believe in the sanctity of marriage.

I hate to be

the one to say this...

But Barack has

definitely got b*tches.

Yeah, he does.

No, he has not.

Half these hoes weren't even registered

to vote before he ran for president.

Give me a break!

Every vote... Ass. Ass, ass,

ass. That's what it is.

You know what?

I hate to agree with Dante,

'cause,

it's just a bad look.

But every president

has a side chick.

It's constitutional.

You know, Thomas Jefferson had a

whole plantation of side chicks.

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